THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 20TH, 2018

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: JUNE 20TH, 2018A SHOCKINGLY extravagant Swear-In hosted by the peerless Baal had gone off without a hitch! This is a bold footing for the young Ambassador, and the tabloids took an incredibly glowing tone. Looks like Baal is off to a good start as a fan favorite.

PEACE-ING TOGETHER THE PIECES
As seen all throughout the imPort cities:
Word has been spreading about imPort intentions to launch a mission to Mars, and the rumours are running rife with it. Reports of the imPort militarisation of space are catching like wild fire, and concerned native citizens and those who already had an axe to grind against imPorts are finding common cause. A nation-wide day of protest is being planned, with the major sit-ins being staged in all the known imPort populated cities. Come out and show your support!

EAR YE EAR YE
As heard online:
A new imPort-themed podcast had hit the scene! In the wake of a new wave of imPortmania (the kind that always tends to pool around the summer), a fresh podcast built entirely on BACKSTORY GUESSING and LORE BUILDING called MYTHOS AND LEGIONS PODCAST has ascended into trending popularity. Each Wednesday there's a new theme with a selection of imPorts who are discussed in detail by a HIP YET ACADEMIC panel. This last Wednesday showcased the theme of UNLIKELY ALLIES and featured discussion about Danger, Clarisse la Rue, Loki, and Logan Delos.

Please be sure to rate it on PineApple podcasts!

GLAD-I-ATE-HER
As heard by word of mouth and ghosting bwitter accounts:
Ads have been appearing on the dark web, looking for imPorts to sign up for an 'incredibly dangerous and incredibly rewarding' entertainment experience. " Want to be famous? Want to use your powers to their fullest extent? Want to fight your enemies and friends to the death and reign triumphant over a mountain of corpses, until they are resurrected and ready to fight again? Immortal Imports is the show for you! Now taking imPort applicants who can prove they have the stones to face down death against their peers, and return victorious. Interested? Please submit a video of you and your fighting prowess with the hashtag #immortal on bwitter or bluetube, and you'll hear from us soon.

CRANE-KY
As seen on blogs, news sites, and gossip columns:
Import memes have dominated online pages recently. First, there were the adventurous cats discussing various Imports, and now there are the "Condescending Cranes" otherwise known as "Jonathan Crane Being An Asshole". Running rampant online, the meme involves taking a photo of the notorious import and superimposing it with one of his unkind quotes about some subject or other. The bizarre trend creates images that look like this, and many of the newer memes circulating involve him being sarcastic generally

Doctor Crane would only answer that the memes reported are "In essence, all true", though he has yet to report his favorite. Asked about how he feels about the fact many younger people are becoming familiar with him through memes, he replied: "I am happy if they learn from it."

BOOTES-LICIOUS
As seen in the night sky of Maurtia Falls:
Maurtia Falls astronomers remained perplexed for an entire night when it appeared that the constellation Boötes had rearranged itself to form the head and horns of a goat. Strange that this phenomenon was only apparent to residents of Maurtia Falls, and that it happened just on the last night before the summer solstice.

PO-ET CETERA
As seen in local newspapers in all imPort cities:
AND THE WINNER IS...

Kissed a boy so right,
Music played when our lips touched.
Where did it come from?

- Maxwell Carson

Congratulations on your Power Dampener**! The device will be delivered to your residence today!

**Power Dampener is an experimental DARPA prototype that will last exactly two hours after activation. It is a stainless steel bracelet that will depower an imPort to negligible levels of power. It cannot be replicated. After two hours, the hardware will internally leak lithium and self-destruct without bringing any harm to the wearer. Powers will then resume as per normal.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from CAUTIONARY PALE to SWEET SUMMER MILD.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

bluetube.

[areou]

( #immortal — why the fuck not she loves showing off. except who exactly is she beating up? yep, that's right: a handful of zombies. )

Bluetube

[dun_moch]

[The video shows Count Dooku sitting perfectly still, cross-legged in a vacant lot, getting dust on his nice black jumpsuit. His eyes are closed, his hands are on his knees. Slowly, one of his hands rises up from his knee, and curls into a fist.

There's a rumbling noise from behind him. Dust rises from the ground. The unpaved surface cracks, then splits wide open. Dooku raises his fist. A hefty chunk of the ground floats slowly into the air behind him, clouds of dirt drifting down, debris hanging weightless around it like moons around a planet, suspended by the sheer force of the Count's will.

It stays still for a moment, with the hissing noise of falling dust, a mute testament to Count Dooku's strength in the Dark Side. Then, the Count tightens his fist, and the levitated chunk of ground shatters into crumbling bits, imploding before dropping back into the hole it was telekinetically pried out of.

Only then do Count Dooku's eyes open, and the hashtag flashes on the screen below him.

#immortal]

Watching this

[sleight_of_hand]

[ #holyshit ]

[reexamined]

[👍]

Text comment

[dun_moch]

High praise from the star of 'I Crush Everything.'

[Considering it's a crushing video and all.]

[reexamined]

If you weren't wildly unpopular with the native population right now, I would consider inviting you on my show. I don't mind collaborations. But we would need to wait until everyone stopped hating you.

Private

[dun_moch]

Consider how useful that hatred could be, however. Imagine if I were to appear in the context of you crushing something I cherished, while I was forced to watch helplessly.

[Spoilers this will not actually be a thing that he really cherishes.]

1/2

[reexamined]

This would appeal

2/2

[reexamined]

to the ones who already harbor weird fetishes.

[dun_moch]

You know the nature of the Internet upon this planet. The audience would be vast. Simply think of the benefits for your subscriber count.

[reexamined]

You are attempting to gain back some attention to yourself through my current popularity.

But I also don't see how this could be detrimental to me in the immediate and even most potential 'future' scenarios.

Your suggestion of you being humiliated through staged reactions accepted.

[dun_moch]

Very well, then. We have an accord.

You will not regret this, I promise.

[Dooku's not happy about subjecting himself to such nonsense, but at this point he has to leverage every advantage he has. Turning the hatred of the populace to his own ends has a certain artfulness he appreciates, as well.]

[reexamined]

You have no command over whether or not I regret.

[JUST NEEDED TO GET THAT LAST WORD IN THERE, HUH K2.]

CW: GUN VIOLENCE; anonymous bluetube

[grandtheftequine]

[ #immortal

Someone anonymously submits a video of a man in black—complete with a black cowboy hat and black bandana obscuring his face—apparently fatally shooting several natives. It's a gruesome scene, to be certain, but the man is a damn good shot. Strangely, despite the camera very clearly showing the shooter, it's impossible to discern or describe any details of his appearance.

It doesn't take long before comments start to rack up on the video, but strangely enough, several commenters are claiming to be the victims, such as Bluetube user dookulvr69, who writes: "2:47 THAT WAS ME, I TOTALLY DIED". Replies are largely composed of disbelievers and the sort of pointless arguing you can only find in Bluetube comment sections. ]


(note: one of Logan's powers prevents him from being identified while in his Black Hat get up. no efforts to identify the shooter or trace the video will succeed in anything leading back to him at this time.)

comment by bluetube user: k_2so

[reexamined]

I didn't know Bluetube allows for 'snuff films.'

Bluetube

[generalgrievous]

#immortal

[At first there stands proudly the figure that some may recognise as the Kaleesh Qymaen jai Sheelal - General Grievous' original, alien form. As always, he is masked but those golden eyes are intent on the camera for a moment. Then he steps aside to reveal two training dummies, side by side.

There's a good, clear view of his entire body and his fighting style as he takes out a long, sharp sword which had been secure in a sling across his back. He glances once more to camera before expertly wielding it. At first, he just swings it through the air, showing his control of the blade then with a few well places jabs and slices one of the dummies is soon dismembered, decapitated and its heart run through.

But he isn't finished. Now he transforms and the perhaps more well known sight of the tall, imposing cyborg appears. He hunches his shoulders, letting out a low growl and soon a green lightsaber is being ignited in his hand. He faces the second dummy, silent and still for just a moment before he launches at it in a flurry of furious attacks. Shattered and shredded bits of the training dummy are flying everywhere and when he's done there's very little left. A few scattered parts are letting off thin trails of smoke and look singed.

Grievous turns to camera and reaches out toward it. With another growl the scene cuts out.]

bwitter

[crassidy]

[Uploaded is a fifteen second video of a close up of Cassidy, some grimy looking graffitied wall used as a back drop while he sings a not entirely terrible but nevertheless slightly satirical rendition of the chorus for a certain song that may not even be recognised by the majority of folk out there.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

The last few seconds of the song has large white text across it reading #immortal. The text that follows the video is simple enough:]

DID I DO IT RIGHT? lol 😜
#immortal #myimmortal

comment by bluetube user: k_2so

[reexamined]

No.

[crassidy]

oh :(
was it at least entertaining???

[reexamined]

Yes.

Your rendition was an interesting take.

[crassidy]

ty kind internet goer
better thn all them edgelords murderinn folk

[reexamined]

I thought the point of an 'edgelord' is that they did not have the boldness to carry out actual crimes. Am I wrong?

[crassidy]

nah lad its all about livin the edge life. being offensiev for the sake of it. an edgelord dont kill cuz they wanna they kill for teh reactions adn attention

[reexamined]

Sounds like most bounty hunters in my galaxy.

[crassidy]

lol! probably the same for bounty huntrs all over. shite u gotta be a certin type of edgy to hunt othr people

[reexamined]

It's one type of edgy to kill someone for free, but it takes another kind of edgy to do it, and then want to be paid for it.

[crassidy]

so true lol!
they always got some shite outfit too

[reexamined]

What makes an outfit 'shite'?

[crassidy]

[Just a link to this, or some MoM equivalent to this. Whatever it is, it's a terrible mess of a person.]

[reexamined]

Oh no.

[crassidy]

[reexamined]

I don't understand this. Is this a meme?

[crassidy]

of course its a feckn meme! you don't know the kool aid man?? honestly what are they even teachn in schools now?

[reexamined]

Mandatory fascism, likely.

[Because, you know, the Empire.]

I'm not from this Galaxy.

[crassidy]

r u from a galaxy far far away?

[reexamined]

Technically, it is in another universe than this one. But if distance of universes applies, then yes. It's far, far away.

[crassidy]

lol amazing
not the fcism shite tho. that sucks. those facists could do wit some kool aid

[reexamined]

I don't see how that could help the situation.

[crassidy]

u dont think a powedred fruit drink can help cure fascism? whatever mate. ur loss

text;

[notgood]

["Condescending Cranes."]

You didn't say they were just making memes about you, Jonathan. I thought this was serious.

[restingstitchface]

Why? Because we were getting along so astoundingly?

[notgood]

I assumed you had a thicker skin.

[restingstitchface]

Remind me again how well you know me. It requires more than light teasing to knock the stuffing out of me, I assure you.

[notgood]

Not well at all, apparently. I should stop assuming.

[Before he continues to make an ass out of them both.]

[restingstitchface]

Exactly right. Just tell me when you've actually done it.

[notgood]

I have, starting now. No more assumptions.

[restingstitchface]

Congratulations. I'm so proud of you.

[notgood]

[Thanks for sarcasm, Crane!! He's not taking that bait.]

Thank you.

Bluetube

[sleight_of_hand]

[ To Adachi’s credit, he wasn’t going to do this at first. Dooku and whoever the zombie chick was were more than welcome to buy into whatever the hell they wanted to buy into. But then a guy shooting people thought it was a good idea to join in, and then Grievous and Adachi just knew this was a shit show waiting to happen. ]

[ So joining in to keep it from getting out of hand and maybe arrest the people responsible was a good idea, right? Right. ]

[ The video opens with Adachi sitting on a tree stump in a clearing that could be anywhere, though Dooku and Yusuke would recognize the exact location: he is literally sitting on the stump he was tied to when Dooku had him tortured. He tossed a wink to the camera, raising a finger to his lips in a quieting gesture, just as a glowing blue Fool Arcana card appeared above him. He raised his finger toward it, pointing at it like a gun before jerking it back like he was firing, the card shattering in response. It caused a massive, human-like creature to appear, filling up almost the entire damn screen, almost blocking the view of Adachi snapping his fingers. The creature moves, and it’s hard to see exactly what he’s doing because of his massive size, but whatever it is causes the screen to be enveloped in a bright, red light. ]

[ When the light fades, the creature is standing off to the side behind Adachi, arms crossed. There is also a giant hole in the surrounding trees, with a black, scorching trail marking where some kind of energy had gone through it. Adachi himself glanced back at the destruction, before turning back to the camera with a smug smirk and a casual shrug, finally fishing a slip of paper out of his pocket. ]

#immortal

[ He is totally expecting his inbox to get swamped with people yelling at him. Sometimes being a detective was hard. ]