maskormenace | 003, video.

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003, video.

Listen up, eyes forward. ( which may or may not be easy to do, considering the sheer amount of guns in the background. they range all sizes, all shapes. whatever kind of gun you can think of, it's definitely there. she's even leaning against a glass case that is also full of guns. )

Carl's gone, so I'm stuck running his stupid store. ( she says like it's an inconvenience, even though she does enjoy it most of the time. ) Stock isn't a problem, obviously, and I'm the most qualified to solicit weapons advice, but now it's just me and I occasionally have better shit to do.

( not necessarily true. she just hates to admit why she's bothering to appear on the network again. she hesitates a bit, because she's a stubborn asshole. )

If anyone's willing to enlist their services around here, let me know — doesn't matter whether you like guns or more medieval armaments. I just need someone to crunch the numbers and all that shit, be here when I'm not. I pay cash or I can conjure you as many custom weapons as you want.

( speaking of, she turns the camera to the other side of the store, which now sports a plethora of medieval weaponry: spears, swords, daggers, the occasional mace and ax. it's whatever clarisse has felt like conjuring and then didn't want to keep. )

This is just a small selection of the shit I can make. ( the camera turns back to clarisse. ) Hell, I'll fight your fucking battles for you as long as you agree to watch the store. Any takers, you know how to reach me.

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Well, you're in luck. I'm supplying IKEA's new KRIGFØRING collection.

( yep, she just yahoogle translated that. not that she has any idea how to pronounce it correctly, so it's definitely butchered. she's also obviously fucking with him, as one does. )

[he snorts heavily. Magnus also doesn't speak Swedish, despite his ancient and noble roots, so the Fucking With is mostly just amusing him]

Aw, you're really embracing this fake-Valhalla lifestyle.

( dammit magnus, get over your scheduling conflicts and take swedish 101. )

What can I say, the Vikings know how to spice up an afterlife. Elysium is all peace and rainbows.

( but she'd get to see silena again, which outweighs how bored she'd probably be with nothing to fight. or, who knows, maybe by the time she finally kicks it she'll be tired of fighting. )

[oh no... these scheduling conflicts are insurmountable... guess he can't school, oh no, a travesty...]

Don't talk shit about rainbows? Who talks shit about rainbows.

( le shrug )

You can tell the Bifrost not to take it personally. Now that's a rainbow that ain't just there to look pretty.

I wasn't even thinking about Bifrost. Why do rainbows have to be for something? Go back to Sparta.

Okay, calm down, 300. Maybe I should set you up with Iris if you're so in love with rainbows.

Who? What? Uh, I'm dating. A person. -- Did you not realise that?

First of all, that was called a joke. Second, she's way out of your league, anyway. And third --

( give her a moment to wrap her head around what she's definitely been purposefully ignoring for however long this has been going on. )

Boot Camp, huh? ( because she doesn't actually know ronan's name, that's just what he looks like. ) Good for you.

Boot Camp? What? -- Oh gods, is that what children of Ares call dating? Grim.

Ugh, no, you knucklehead. I don't know your boyfriend's stupid name. I'm not a psychic.

( and she's never bothered to ask, because gross? interacting with strangers who have made out with magnus? no thanks. )

[Magnus sort of secretly likes it, when Clarisse calls him a knucklehead. it's so -- 90's schoolyard antagonist. it's so charming (to him. exclusively and only,, probably, to him)]

-- Uh. Ronan. Why Boot Camp...? Oh, the shaved sides? [gestures to his head area]

( that's weird magnus. you're weird. )

I just call 'em as I see 'em. Doesn't seem like your type.

[eyebrow

raise]

Really. So what's my "type"...?

I dunno. Seems like you'd wanna get down with a hot dryad. Become one with nature and all that shit.

Or, you know, Orlando Bloom.

Edited (how could i forget magnus' one true love) 2018-09-16 17:46 (UTC)

[Magnus laughs, his cheeks flushing]

First of all, becoming one with nature, gross, [he's not his mom!] second of all, he's way too old? There's crushes that are better as crushes. And I don't think I have a type. [he does. he does, and as absurd as it is, it's badasses with hearts of gold]

Uh huh. Says the guy blushing red as a radish. Everyone has a type. Me? I like girls who know what they want and aren't afraid to get it.

You must see something in this guy, besides ... ( vague handflap. fill in the blank as innocently or as crudely as you wish. )

[Magnus resists the urge to touch his face. gods, he's such a nerd? why can't he keep a cool head like the badass women in his afterlife? (haha, except Sam. Magnus misses Sam and her stupid blushing face)]

Doesn't everybody like those kinds of girls...? [a little shy, because Magnus is very much still nervous, voicing the whole girls-guys thing] And who says it's not a steamy fertile fling? Getting back to nature and everything.

( she raises an eyebrow just a hair. )

Magnus, if you're insinuating you're in heat... ( let's never finish that conversation. ) I highly doubt you'd be this flustered over a fling. Boy or girl. ( shrug. ) Believe it or not, I thought I liked guys once and he made me feel the same way in the beginning.

( and some of the middle, but it didn't work out for obvious reasons. )

[that's a slightly horrified face Clarisse gets -- please, stop, he's been on the internet -- but along with the trauma there's something actually reassuring there. it's too bad the trauma had to come first and he basically missed it]

[he processes what she's said before blinking. it's the first he's hearing about Clarisse and guys]

-- You don't think you'd, um. Ever go for a guy now?

( she doesn't talk about chris much anymore. the breakup wasn't entirely on good terms, and clarisse recognizes there was a lot more than just her sexuality crisis that contributed to it ending not so well. he left camp and she hasn't seen or spoken to him since. some part of her regrets how it went down, that she's never gotten to apologize -- because she did care about him, in some way, just ultimately not in the way he wanted. he was never cut out for someone as volatile as her, anyway. maybe she did him a favor by letting him go, even if he hates her now. she might never know. )

Nah. They've got cooties. ( but jokes aside... ) I just don't see guys the same way. It took me a long time to realize I was only with Chris because I felt like I should be. He was ... sweet, but we were always on two different pages.

Yeah. That makes sense. [Magnus realises, in that abrupt, gay epiphany way:] I think that's, uh, why my first kiss happened? I guess I didn't really think about why it might be weird to kiss someone 'cuz you thought you were supposed to. Until like... literally five seconds ago. I thought everyone's first kiss was just sort of actually stupid, I guess.

[baby's first compulsive heterosexuality? well, anyway] There's probably a girl or two here that could get on your page. And if she's here, she's probably into guns.

I mean, probably most people's first kisses are stupid, unless you're Percy and Annabeth. ( she makes a face. gross. an underwater kiss? who does that. anyway. ) I almost headbutted Chris the first time he kissed me. In retrospect, that probably should've been a sign.

( but she was also dumb and seventeen and had no access to the internet to help her figure this shit out so. )

If that was your attempt to offer to wingman for me, I think I'm good.

[Magnus makes a matching face]

I don't think I wanna hear about the romance-novel first kiss my cousin had with her goofy boyfriend. It was less wingmanning and more, uh, support from the sidelines. I don't think anybody's dating life is like, especially my business.

Let's keep it that way. ( a beat. ) Just let me know if I need to beat anyone up for you. If things go sideways.

( not that she's expecting his relationship to blow up or anything, just. you know, it's good to have insurance. in case. )

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