003; video;

[kanyounot]

[ Today must be a day for shitposting, because Kanan's got one too. ]

You know, the text thing doesn't usually give me much trouble. The devices have a pretty good voice-to-text and text-to-voice function on them. Unless you're typing a bunch of abbreviations, they can be hard to parse sometimes. The letter "y" seems to be either "why" or "yes" depending on the context, for instance. Still haven't figured out "L O L".

I even get some of those... what do you call them, "emojis". The device will tell me if there's a little smiling face or a finger pointing to the left or whatever, that's fine. Right up until there's a bunch of... vegetables? I don't know a lot of the vegetables on this planet. What even is an "eggplant", and what is "eggplant sweatdrops"? Are you watering your vegetable garden?

[ He's asking the tough questions. ]

Comments

VOICE.

[bragnificent]

[ Oh boy. It's Reggie's time to shine. ]

Oh, dude, that's such an easy one. An eggplant means dick. Cuz it's sort of like, shaped like a dick. So then an eggplant with sweatdrops would mean "thirsty for dick." Quick and to the point.

VOICE.

[kanyounot]

....Oh. Oh, geez.

Are they all sexual? ..."peach"?

VOICE.

[bragnificent]

Usually, yeah. Peach means "butt." Though I don't think there's any consensus yet on what the best emoji is for "tits." Probably cherries?

voice

[prayercycles]

[ Fortunato isn't one to use the network much, but as someone who's blind half the time...he can relate. He feels obligated to at least know who this person is.

So Kanan is being sent a vaguely but not completely useful list of internet acronyms. ]

This could help.

[ ...Although he sounds a little unsure. Look, he wasn't able to use the internet for two years. He's not sure how many of these actually get used. ]

voice

[kanyounot]

[ That... Kanan listens to some of them, and his eyebrows go up. ]

Oh... that's... yes! That's very helpful. I think there are some ones still missing, but some of these have been really confusing. Thanks.

Voice

[drivesadesk]

Oh? Do you get a lot of eggplant emojis, then?

Voice

[kanyounot]

I don't... know? Some of the kids were talking about something on Bwitter, I don't usually go there, but I guess there's some kind of... hash...tag???

There was also a lot of "D I L F"? In the hash-tag?

[ This is all very confusing. ]

[Video]

[prophesiedone]

Some questions are better not asked. [He winces sympathetically. Kanan, you are about to hear some awful emoji things.] Lol stands for laugh out loud, I think. Like lmao is laughing my ass off.

[Video]

[kanyounot]

Oh! I think I get it. So it's just a text-based way of pointing out when something is funny.

vid

[h2no]

Yo, Kanan. At least you didn't ask what I-D-K stands for.

[that could go wrong in many ways!]

vid

[kanyounot]

...Should I not? ...Wait, what does it stand for?

[ Now he's checking that link someone showed him. ]

audio

[devoutish]

Emojis, they're the little pictures, yeah? Proper pictures, not ridiculous fucking things made up of punctuation. At least they're sensible, mate; with the others, you've got--

[text]

?*^#::!;P/

[/text]

-- And then people tell you, "That there is a man wearing a funny hat and waving; can't you see it?"

audio

[kanyounot]

As far as I know, yeah, they're actual pictures.

[ He pauses at that, and even with just audio it's obvious he's making a disgusted face. ]

I guess I'm lucky there. When people put a string of meaningless symbols in their posts, I can justifiably ignore it.

video

[metaphorbia]

Oh man. I hope you're getting some hilarious responses right now.

video

[kanyounot]

They're definitely... enlightening????

text

[robberofgraves]

LOL

[yep, that was it. I'm sorry for him]

voice;

[kanyounot]

[ NEVER BE SORRY. Also Kanan is not offended so if that was the intent, it failed!! ]

I know what that means, now!

[Video]

[petergraham]

You must not be from around here.

[Video]

[kanyounot]

Not by a long shot, no.

text;

[photophobic]

[ Kylo's so nice. ]

hth

voice;

[kanyounot]

Whatever it is that you sent me, my device couldn't translate it into audio, so... not helpful. But good try, I guess?

text;

[nextsymbol]

[Hey is it possible to die of secondhand embarrassment for a guy you don't even know? Being a teenage boy of the internet, he of course knows what all the things Kanan's mentioned on this post mean, and he is so sorry.]

please don't ever google yourself, sir

[just trust him. just. trust him.]

text;

[kanyounot]

Why would anyone ever do that?

[ That is literally the last thing he would ever want to do. Who would be so masochistic? ]

video

[burlyboy]

Ugh, the text-to-voice shit sucks. I don't know why everyone's gotta type differently!

[ HUFF HUFF. ]

's why I don't bother, half the time.

[burlyboy]

-- ah, but the eggplant thing means someone wants your dick. Or maybe just dick in general. It's the desire for the general concept of a dick.