maskormenace | THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019

THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019Something ROMANTIC this way comes. Do you feel a bit of tingling in the air? A bit of inspirational trope?Better watch your backside for any of Cupid's arrows.

POETRY IN COMMOTION
As seen in the news WORLDWIDE:

Poe Dameron issued a formal apology after the events of the latest import-related anomaly. "I'm sorry my powers went haywire," he told reporters. "Apparently they don't mix with a coma very well. They uh - they should be back to normal now, so. Uh. Yeah. Sorry guys." He could not be reached for further comments. The US Air Force has denied any responsibility in the incident, stating that "as Dameron was wounded in a civilian context, the Air Force has no liability for any damages suffered due to uncontrollable honesty."

FLIPPING THE BIRD
As seen on the internet as a grainy, shaky cellphone video shot in portrait mode:

A green TWO-STORY BIRD and/or GIANT ROBOT WITH WINGS has been spotted in Heropa! Witnesses are unclear as to which. imPorts were spotted entering the abandoned Spout Off!! water park, undoubtedly to confer with the beast. Although first reports to the Heropa Wild Bird Society indicated a four-winged bird, likely of the family Accipitridae, later witnesses reported seeing a giant mechanical construct with wings which did not seem to fit in with the nautical-themed features of Spout Off!!

Avian or android, the entity has not been seen since. However, one local ten-year-old managed to capture an image on his cellphone and has vowed to journey solo across the country in search of more creatures like it.

AMAZONED OUT
As heard on the AM radio airwaves of Jeopardy in repeat:

"Elixir, Intruder Alert."

And then anyone tuning in will hear the following:

BwEEEEOOP! BWeeeooP! BWEEEOOOOOP!

This song for an hour straight.

"Please keep away."

MANOS A LA OBRA
As seen in the local news in Maurtia Falls:

There may be a new strong hand gripping the Maurtia Falls black market. Franklin Duquesne, previously a military officer at the Maurtia Falls Porter Base, dramatically deserted last week while stealing a hover-truck full of high-grade munitions, including power nullifying devices that may give an upper hand against imPorts and a prototype 'Manos Suit' exoskeleton armed with extra pairs of prosthetic limbs. Duquesne, also known as 'Master-at-Arms,' is considered to be multi-armed and extremely dangerous. Police currently have no leads on hand, but believe Master-at-Arms will sell his deadly armaments to other criminals in the Maurtia Falls underworld. The government-funded imPort peacekeeping unit AEGIS FORCE has been handed the task of investigating the case and laying the long arm of the law on Duquesne.

Aegis is busy these days. Sources say the team is currently reaching out and recruiting native agents to lend a helping hand at their headquarters, and that their funding and responsibilities are being expanded in recognition of their achievements to date. So popular is Aegis that they have established a WAIT LIST for prospective imPorts who may want to join the team, as recruitment is currently closed while the team has a full fifteen-member roster.

However, not everyone is a fan of Aegis Force. An online petition from a group calling themselves 'Shieldbreakers' says that Aegis is unnecessary, and point out that they have not yet actually arrested any imPort super-criminals despite the enormous power in their hands. They warn that an imPort paramilitary unit risks subjecting people to strong-arm tactics from an iron-fisted group of superhuman enforcers for the government. At this time, the petition has only a few hundred signatures, but has only begun to circulate.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from TIFFANY BLUE to A WINK OF PINK for reasons that'll give you a heart attack.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Does regular news ever come out of Jeopardy? I can't tell if all these omens are building to something, or if this is just what's normal for that place.

[Yes, that is in fact a tiny demon.]

Oh yeah, they're building up to something alright.

Hey, want a hint on what it is?

[Jacob squints, then shrugs. Because sure, a small demon, why not.]

All right. What have you got?

[He makes a show of putting out his cigarette, stamping it out, clears his throat, coughs a few times, then clears his throat again. Takes a deep breath... and then lets out a long, fart sound with his mouth. It sounds like a deflating whoopie cushion.]

[Jacob stares for a moment, then sighs.]

Oh. So it's like that, huh.

[He really needs to stop getting his hopes up.]

What do you expect? You think I'm just going to know why a city is "weird" to you? This world, as far as I've seen, doesn't have a single natural elf, griffin, or Dankmirian. That's weird to me.

Edited 2019-02-16 17:14 (UTC)

[Jacob spreads his hands, sounding defensive.]

Hey, for all I know, just knowing things is one of your powers! Give me a break.

[Oh, he likes this guy. He's so straight-laced.]

I like that. "Knowing things is one of your powers." Kinda implies you don't have the power of "knowing things."

[He KNOWS what Jacob's saying, but he wouldn't really be a true Devil's Advocate if he wasn't a little shit.]

[Jacob sighs. In a very straight-laced manner.]

Oh come on. You know what I mean. Knowing things beyond standard human senses and so on. Telepathy, prophecy, that kind of thing.

Telepathy, sure. But no one really has the power of prophecy.

Maybe in your world they don't. But I've met people here who do. Have you ever heard of the Clairvoyant?

I've heard of it, pal, but I'm saying it's not real. Completely negates the concept of human choice if there's someone out there who can tell you "the future" because it means there's fate, and only fate.

How do you figure? Just because somebody knows how you're going to choose doesn't mean you aren't the one choosing.

What happens if the one who "predicts" tells the one who makes the choice what happens, and they make a different choice? Does that vision change too?

[Jacob shrugs.]

Hell if I know. It's not a powerset I've had a lot of personal experience with. But I know they're out there.

Okay then. What's your powerset?

I'm a biotic. There's a long story behind what that means, but the short version is that I can affect mass with my mind.

What about yours? Since 'knowing things' isn't part of it.

[.........]

[.....................]

I hope that ten-year-old's parents don't allow such a reckless undertaking.

THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019

Voice

Video;

Video;

Video;

Video;

Video;

Video;

Video;

ok let's see if I can make this boomerang thing happen

yessss

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

awww yisss ty jesse

VICTORY

voice