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[5055034455]

[Good morning, Heropa. Greeting you today is a man with a bright smile and an even brighter shirt — aqua, with a tie that seems to match only in theory — and a look in his eye that twinkles with confidence and certainty. Yes, here is a man who is not at all questioning this place and its motives; here is a man who is totally okay with the situation in which he's found himself; here is a man who is a very good, very convincing faker.]

Greetings and salutations, fellow ImPorts! Allow me to introduce myself: Saul Goodman, attorney at law and soon-to-be judge. I want you all to be able to think of me as a resource — as someone whose purpose here is to assist where and when I can, at least as far as legal issues are concerned. For consultation purposes only, though; I won't... uh, really have the time to open my own practice here, unfortunately.

[And that does seem like something that upsets him, but he allows that emotion in for all of two seconds before dismissing it and focusing back on sounding genuine and honest. Which he is, to some degree. It's just... kind of rare, is all. But this is what happens when you don't want to upset your kidnappers: You do what you think you have to.]

Anyway, I'm gonna have to spend some time catching up on what's actually going on in this place, legally and politically speaking. There are other lawyers and legal professional-types around, right? We should chat. Oh, and for all you daytime TV-watchers —

[THERE THEY ARE. THE FINGERGUNS.]

Get used to seeing this face.

Comments

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[hackitude]

Daytime TV? What, don't tell me they cast you in The Bold and the Beautiful.

video

[5055034455]

Does this face not scream bold and beautiful to you?

[hackitude]

Do you really want me to answer that?

[5055034455]

You know what? You're right. That seems like a description more suited to someone like... hmm. [Grinning:] You, for example.

[hackitude]

[In an obviously affected, not-taking-him-seriously voice:] Stop it, you're making me blush!

[5055034455]

[He shrugs, all innocence.]

Hey, I just calls 'em like I sees 'em.

[hackitude]

Yeah, I'll bet you're a regular charmer.

Nice to meet you, Saul. I'm Skye.

[5055034455]

That'd be a pretty safe bet to make, Skye. It's a pleasure.

[hackitude]

Same to you.

[A beat passes, and her demeanor gets less silly and more serious:] So... they're really letting you be a judge, here? That's... a pretty high-up position, isn't it? They don't normally let imPorts into positions of power within the community.

[5055034455]

[As does his, though he's still smiling in the hope that it'll help ease her concerns.]

Not to worry, sweetheart. It's daytime court TV — small claims, minor charges. Nothing serious.

[hackitude]

[Understanding and somewhat mischievous delight simultaneously dawn on her face. She's easy to read, this one.]

Ohhhhhhhhhh. So, you're Judge Judy!

[5055034455]

[OH NO THAT'S PRECIOUS]

Personally, I think Judge Goodman has a better ring to it.





[Saul, don't wink at people.]

[hackitude]

...

Okay.

Well. Now I feel dirty and not in the good way.

Please never wink at me again.

[5055034455]

[If he had a dollar for every time someone asked that of him...

he wouldn't even notice because he's already swimming in dollars HAHAHAHAHA]

Noted.

[hackitude]

[Skye just shakes her head.]

Anyway. Moving right along from that... disturbing vision...

Welcome to Heropa. Hope you like government conspiracies, being randomly attacked and ninety degree weather with ninety percent humidity. Because. Well. You got them.

[5055034455]

Sounds like my kinda party.

[Actually, no.

It doesn't.

At all.]

[hackitude]

Oh good. Then you'll feel right at home.

[5055034455]

You're gonna have to tell me more about those first two things, though. Now I'm all curious.

[hackitude]

Well. The randomly attacked part is easy enough to explain. It's pretty much common knowledge. Most of the time we're fine, but occasionally when large groups of imPorts get together... something goes wrong. People get kidnapped. Terrorist bombings. Robot killer sharks show up on the beach. That kind of stuff. It's... not totally clear whether it's people in the US or outside of it who are responsible, but either way, someone out there has it out for us.

[5055034455]

Of course they do.

[He sounds unfazed, but his guts are in his throat.]

Why else would we need superpowers?

[hackitude]

Supposedly to be superheroes.

But surprise surprise, I haven't seen a lot of that going around.

[5055034455]

No?

[hackitude]

No way. There's a reason why real heroes are so rare. You can't just... give someone a super power and tell them to go out there and be a hero of justice. Most people would rather just live their own life. Do their own thing.

[5055034455]

[That makes a whole lot of sense. That must be where these jobs come in — they're bargaining chips, obviously.

Saul hums thoughtfully.]

And what's the response to the lack of heroism been?

[hackitude]

Fat lot of nothing, so far. There's... enough people here who are actually hero types that it seems to keep them satisfied, for now. In the meantime, they just keep pulling more of us in and offering incentives for taking missions. But they're, uh, usually pretty dumb missions, so I wouldn't bother-- if you're thinking about it.

Last month it was something like going to the carnival to have a show of our powers and impress the locals. Like some big dick-waving freakshow contest. Nnnnno thanks.