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[5055034455]

[Good morning, Heropa. Greeting you today is a man with a bright smile and an even brighter shirt — aqua, with a tie that seems to match only in theory — and a look in his eye that twinkles with confidence and certainty. Yes, here is a man who is not at all questioning this place and its motives; here is a man who is totally okay with the situation in which he's found himself; here is a man who is a very good, very convincing faker.]

Greetings and salutations, fellow ImPorts! Allow me to introduce myself: Saul Goodman, attorney at law and soon-to-be judge. I want you all to be able to think of me as a resource — as someone whose purpose here is to assist where and when I can, at least as far as legal issues are concerned. For consultation purposes only, though; I won't... uh, really have the time to open my own practice here, unfortunately.

[And that does seem like something that upsets him, but he allows that emotion in for all of two seconds before dismissing it and focusing back on sounding genuine and honest. Which he is, to some degree. It's just... kind of rare, is all. But this is what happens when you don't want to upset your kidnappers: You do what you think you have to.]

Anyway, I'm gonna have to spend some time catching up on what's actually going on in this place, legally and politically speaking. There are other lawyers and legal professional-types around, right? We should chat. Oh, and for all you daytime TV-watchers —

[THERE THEY ARE. THE FINGERGUNS.]

Get used to seeing this face.

Comments

voice;

[shittybirthday]

No offence but, uh... you kinda seem more like a gameshow host.

voice;

[5055034455]

My level of offended-ness depends entirely on what game show you're thinking of, my friend.

permavoice!

[shittybirthday]

I dunno, ain't seen one in years. Just remember 'em always seemin' like used car salesmen.

[5055034455]

Yeah, I get that a lot. What can I say? We're all cut from the same colorful, successful cloth.

[it's all about the money money money

wait that's not how the song goes is it]

[shittybirthday]

The con artist cloth, huh?

[ Because not only does Joel despise law types, he's seen, experienced and done more than enough bullshit in his lifetime to spot a bullshit artist a mile off. ]

[5055034455]

Whoa, hey.

[Saul holds his hands up. Easy there, buddy.]

That ain't nice.

[shittybirthday]

Look, buddy, it don't matter to me if you are a con artist.

[5055034455]

Then what's all the hostility for, huh?

[shittybirthday]

Just callin' it how I see it. Besides, just 'cause I don't care if you're a con artist don't mean I gotta be nice to you. Matter of fact, I got no time for nice.

Anyways, you bein' one of them lawyer types, I woulda thought you'd be used to hostility.

[5055034455]

Being used to something doesn't mean I gotta like it. Listen, if you ever find yourself in a legal bind, gimme a call. I think you and I could become pals once you see how useful I can be.

[shittybirthday]

Useful how?

[5055034455]

Useful if you need legal advice.

[He'd say representation, too, but the three-year-old had a good point; he might need to look into re-taking the bar exam.]

Or any advice, really. In my time as a lawyer I've played marriage counselor, financial adviser, tax consultant...

[shittybirthday]

All them roles, huh?

[ Dubious as hell. ]

The hell kinda legal advice do you actually specialise in?

[5055034455]

Criminal defense.

[So Joel can see how those other things work themselves in, right?

Or maybe it's just Saul.]

[shittybirthday]

...Yeah?

[ Well, that's actually got Joel's attention, as much as he can't stand lawyer types. It's got his attention because, well, he's got over half a million dollars sitting in a storage unit earned from peddling meth and he's been trying to work out what the hell to do with it in a way that won't attract attention. He also wants to set up some kind of trust fund for Ellie - but again, in a way that won't attract attention.

Because Joel doesn't actually have a job outside of the meth business. So, anything he does financially... Well, it could look pretty suspicious.

The 'yeah?' sounds almost cautiously curious. ]

[5055034455]

[Which is just cautiously curious enough for Saul to pick up on. Not that Joel can see it, but Saul relaxes and grins to himself.

Good. Now they can have a conversation.]

Yeah. How can I help you?

private voice!

[shittybirthday]

[ There's a hesitating pause before he switches the feed to private. ]

Think it'd be better if I had that kinda discussion with you in person rather than over the network.

[5055034455]

[Ooh. Now Saul's intrigued. Sound the alarm.]

I can do in person. Now?

[shittybirthday]

[ Another hesitating pause. ]

How do I know you ain't a chump? Or some asshole who's just gonna give me trouble?

[5055034455]

You don't. I could ask you the same questions.

[shittybirthday]

[ Well, alright. Guy's got a point there. ]

Anybody you might know here who could vouch for you?

[ Certainly not an unreasonable thing to ask, given people showing up from each other's world's is a fairly common thing that happens here. ]

[5055034455]

[It's not unreasonable, but the question makes Saul uncomfortable anyway. Here they are, talking about potential criminal activity — so if Saul gives Joel Jesse's name, that's kind of a dead giveaway that Jesse's been up to some shit. He wouldn't want to put the kid on the spot like that.]

A good lawyer doesn't kiss and tell. My clients value me because I value their privacy, so, unfortunately, that's not information I can give you right now.

[shittybirthday]

[ Joel can, at the very least, respect that. Because if this guy truly says he doesn't kiss and tell, then perhaps that means Joel could talk to him about... things.

There's another pause as Joel considers this. ]

I'll get back to you.

[ Because Joel is going to need to think about this a little. For how violent Joel can be, for how quick he can be to snap a guy's neck or break a guy's arm or put a bullet in a guy's face, Joel is very careful about how he goes about sensitive business like smuggling drugs and the amount of money he's pulling in a week doing so. ]

[5055034455]

[Phew.

Good thing that worked. Saul can't help but wonder what it is this guy might want, but he trusts he'll find out eventually. The seed, as they say, has been planted.]

Sure. Take your time.