001 | video

[5055034455]

[Good morning, Heropa. Greeting you today is a man with a bright smile and an even brighter shirt — aqua, with a tie that seems to match only in theory — and a look in his eye that twinkles with confidence and certainty. Yes, here is a man who is not at all questioning this place and its motives; here is a man who is totally okay with the situation in which he's found himself; here is a man who is a very good, very convincing faker.]

Greetings and salutations, fellow ImPorts! Allow me to introduce myself: Saul Goodman, attorney at law and soon-to-be judge. I want you all to be able to think of me as a resource — as someone whose purpose here is to assist where and when I can, at least as far as legal issues are concerned. For consultation purposes only, though; I won't... uh, really have the time to open my own practice here, unfortunately.

[And that does seem like something that upsets him, but he allows that emotion in for all of two seconds before dismissing it and focusing back on sounding genuine and honest. Which he is, to some degree. It's just... kind of rare, is all. But this is what happens when you don't want to upset your kidnappers: You do what you think you have to.]

Anyway, I'm gonna have to spend some time catching up on what's actually going on in this place, legally and politically speaking. There are other lawyers and legal professional-types around, right? We should chat. Oh, and for all you daytime TV-watchers —

[THERE THEY ARE. THE FINGERGUNS.]

Get used to seeing this face.

Comments

[video]

[smarterthandad]

Stop eavesdropping, Mr. Robbie.

[Val is the tiniest hypocrite.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

It's not eavesdropping if it's in public.

[video]

[smarterthandad]

[She narrows her eyes because she can't argue the point.]

Still.

[Val will not go down without a pointless fight because, as this thread has made clear, she is three.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

Still nothing. It's what friends do for each other.

[ It's more of an argument than a declaration of friendship. He means 'nice people', really, but he's on a roll here. ]

I'd expect you to do the same if you saw someone being rude to me.

[ Yeah, he doesn't really expect a three year old to do that, but it's never too early to try. Especially if your parents are half the Fantastic Four. ]

[video]

[smarterthandad]

We're not friends.

[Harsh, Val.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

[ Well obviously. He's definitely not invited to any tea parties. ]

Yeah, but I think your mom's cool.

[ That's practically the same thing. ]

[video]

[smarterthandad]

Everyone thinks Mom's cool. Even Uncle Doom.

[Seriously Robbie get with it.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

[ Robbie's jaw hangs open for a good moment, until he gets a hold of himself, eyelashes fluttering in confusion. ]

Uncle Doom?

[ Bwah? ]

I... right. Uncle Doom. [ What even... ] I can admit he's smart. I'm totally smarter.

[video]

[smarterthandad]

He's my godfather and you're totally not smarter than he is.

[Hmph.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

Must've been a he- interesting christening, and then how come I outsmarted him, huh?

[video]

[smarterthandad]

Probably a Doombot.

[I have been waiting for a chance for Val to excuse away one of Doom's failures that way since I apped her thank you.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

[Robbie is flatout insulted.]

That was not a Doombot. A Doombot wouldn't drain half the power grid and turn over a political bargaining chip.

[video]

[smarterthandad]

Yeah, it would. Their primary failure mode is thinking they're actually him even in situations where one of the identity failsafes should kick in.

[This is in fact true but has no bearing on how often the real Doom gets outmaneuvered.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

Val. It was the real dude.

[ His triumph is being shredded by a midget. ]

[video]

[smarterthandad]

[This is what you get for arguing with a supergenius three year old.]

Uh-huh.

[video]

[walkingballpit]

[He will never surrender.]

I've got a standing offer of asylum in Latveria for my 'usefulness.'

[video]

[smarterthandad]

Identity issues aside, accepting that would be a terrible idea.

[She loves Uncle Doom, but "useful" is not how you want him describing you.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

Could you give me a little credit here? I don't like him, that's one. Two, everyone else would hate me. And I'm pretty sure I know what happens when people stop being useful. Three strikes, I'd rather die than take handouts from him.

[video]

[smarterthandad]

[She's pretty sure a big chunk of "everyone else" already hates Robbie, but even Val is tactful enough not to bring that up.]

He saved Mom's life, you know. And mine.

[video]

[walkingballpit]

[ ... even the conservative channels put the number of people that hate him at 30%. That's a lot better than it was. ]

He totally gg'd me and shook my hand after the fight. Doesn't mean I'm inviting him to my birthday party.

[video]

[smarterthandad]

Huh. That might have been the real Uncle Doom after all.

[The Doombots generally miss the subtler points of his behavior.]

[video]

[walkingballpit]

Told ya so. Think you can handle the legal eagle without crushing him too bad?

[video]

[smarterthandad]

He probably still thinks I'm an alien, but that's not my problem.

[video]

[walkingballpit]

... he has no idea what most aliens look like, does he?

[video]

[smarterthandad]

I could pass for a low-caste Kree.

[The odds that she at least reads Kree are actually pretty high.]