001 | video

[5055034455]

[Good morning, Heropa. Greeting you today is a man with a bright smile and an even brighter shirt — aqua, with a tie that seems to match only in theory — and a look in his eye that twinkles with confidence and certainty. Yes, here is a man who is not at all questioning this place and its motives; here is a man who is totally okay with the situation in which he's found himself; here is a man who is a very good, very convincing faker.]

Greetings and salutations, fellow ImPorts! Allow me to introduce myself: Saul Goodman, attorney at law and soon-to-be judge. I want you all to be able to think of me as a resource — as someone whose purpose here is to assist where and when I can, at least as far as legal issues are concerned. For consultation purposes only, though; I won't... uh, really have the time to open my own practice here, unfortunately.

[And that does seem like something that upsets him, but he allows that emotion in for all of two seconds before dismissing it and focusing back on sounding genuine and honest. Which he is, to some degree. It's just... kind of rare, is all. But this is what happens when you don't want to upset your kidnappers: You do what you think you have to.]

Anyway, I'm gonna have to spend some time catching up on what's actually going on in this place, legally and politically speaking. There are other lawyers and legal professional-types around, right? We should chat. Oh, and for all you daytime TV-watchers —

[THERE THEY ARE. THE FINGERGUNS.]

Get used to seeing this face.

Comments

[vaccination]

What? No, you're bullshitting. No one who's a regular human is that old.

[5055034455]

Well I have heard some theories...

[vaccination]

Like...? [She's actually annoyed! It's a legit question, she's not even sure what the average life span is for a person. You just kind of die all the time at home. Joel's one of the oldest people she's ever known, and he's like fifty.]

[5055034455]

Oh my gosh, kid, chill out. You are way too young for that reference, aren't you? Larry King's not 170. I think he's 80 or something. But the joke is that he's too old for television.

[vaccination]

You chill out. I was just asking! And I'm from 2034, if he's alive, assuming he ever existed, I'd be impressed.

[5055034455]

Hey, he could be. They might have his head in a jar or something.

[Yeaaaaaaah, successfully steered her off-topic.]

[vaccination]

You are so weird.

[5055034455]

I like to think that's part of my charm.

[vaccination]

That would be what you tell yourself.

[5055034455]

Every single day, right after I wake up and look in the mirror.

[vaccination]

Weirdo.