maskormenace | 001

[Good morning, Heropa. Greeting you today is a man with a bright smile and an even brighter shirt — aqua, with a tie that seems to match only in theory — and a look in his eye that twinkles with confidence and certainty. Yes, here is a man who is not at all questioning this place and its motives; here is a man who is totally okay with the situation in which he's found himself; here is a man who is a very good, very convincing faker.]

Greetings and salutations, fellow ImPorts! Allow me to introduce myself: Saul Goodman, attorney at law and soon-to-be judge. I want you all to be able to think of me as a resource — as someone whose purpose here is to assist where and when I can, at least as far as legal issues are concerned. For consultation purposes only, though; I won't... uh, really have the time to open my own practice here, unfortunately.

[And that does seem like something that upsets him, but he allows that emotion in for all of two seconds before dismissing it and focusing back on sounding genuine and honest. Which he is, to some degree. It's just... kind of rare, is all. But this is what happens when you don't want to upset your kidnappers: You do what you think you have to.]

Anyway, I'm gonna have to spend some time catching up on what's actually going on in this place, legally and politically speaking. There are other lawyers and legal professional-types around, right? We should chat. Oh, and for all you daytime TV-watchers —

[THERE THEY ARE. THE FINGERGUNS.]

Get used to seeing this face.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Wow. See, we colonized Mars over a hundred years ago. It's...a pretty booming metropolis at this point.

[Saul makes a bit of a face. Like, gee, how great for YOU guys.]

I guess my version of Earth hasn't seen the necessity for that yet.

No, probably not. Can you still eat the native fish in your world, like here?

[Hesitantly:] Yeah...

[Why does he have the feeling he knows what's coming?]

Yeah. We're not so lucky in the future.

Dare I ask?

All of our food is bio-engineered. We can't eat native plants or animals anymore, at least not post of them. Over-population and pollution finally won, at least that's what the history books say.

Yeah, and you and I both know that those books are written by the winners. What really happened?

I have no idea, Saul. It was over two hundred years ago.

But there must be theories, right?

[C'mon, Isaac, you can't leave him like that! He's like a kid when it comes to possible conspiracies. They're fun.

...as long as they don't involve and/or impact him directly.]

There isn't really any need for theories. We used up all our resources, polluted the environment to the point that stuff still can't grow in the soil.

[Aw man. The disappointment on Saul's face is clear; here he was hoping it'd be like, some soil contamination thing, not in terms of "hey we fucked up" but like... biological warfare...

What Isaac just said is so much more depressing.]

Oh. So — a cautionary tale, then. R-e-c-y-c-l-e recycle, yeah?

I don't think recycling is enough. More than pollution, the Earth's just...worn out. Most of the top soil is barren, the fossil fuels are completely exhausted. That's what kept the wars going.

...wars like the one here.

[Saul makes a quiet, contemplative sound.

What a Debbie Downer this guy is, huh?]

I guess, uh, global warming isn't such a concern when... all of whatever's going on here is going on.

[He chuckles slightly at that.]

Oh, yeah. That's a thing, too. Uh...Florida, where we showed up here? It's been under water for more than two hundred years.

[Whoaaaaaaaa wait BACK UP.]

Say what?

[He chuckles at that reaction.]

...yeah. I'd only ever seen Florida in pictures before I came here. It's in the history books, too.

[Saul rubs his forehead.]

I'm gonna be spending a lot of my free time in the library, aren't I?

[He shrugs at that.]

If there's anything to be found there, yeah. I guess so.

I'll check it out and report back.

[He probably won't do either, though.]

Good talk.

Uh, okay. Sure.

[It's cool. Isaac's not counting on it.]

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( video ) bless you for sticking through this thread with me btw

( video ) it's too good to pass up, man

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