01 AUDIO

[worstprime]

Alright, so I blipped out and I blipped back and - surprise! - human! Can't say I'm, uh...excited about this development, but...well. Here we are. Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure I've got this organic thing on lock. Maybe.

That sa-aid, I've got this other....ehm....problem. Difficulty. More of a confusion. I've received my work assignment - which THAT is a complaint for a whole other day - and I need some information. About children. Don't tell me WHAT they are, I know that. They're the little pupa forms of humans. But beyond that....I dunno. Someone help me out here, what do you do with them. Are they self-maintaining? Do they have sentience or does that come later?

Comments

text

[slingshots]

[ oh hey, that voice sounds familiar... ]

welcome back, spud

[ that's helpful, right? ]

Re: text

[worstprime]

[Hardly an answer but not entirely unwelcome.]

Hey, I remember you...Ca...Carl- Care-something. Carrie! Carrie. I remembered!

[Human names are hard, okay?]

The one who's good at games!

[slingshots]

you got it
fresh out of gold stars, but congratulations anyway

[taselikeabee]

You're a babysitter. You. A babysitter...

I'd say that sounds about right but who is going to babysit you?

[worstprime]

Oh wow, hey now, don't need to be rude. Good to hear from you again too.

Besides I'm not a babysitter. That sounds cruel. I'm a 'Primary Care Teacher.' Whatever THAT entails...

[taselikeabee]

Oh sorry, sorry. Excuse me.

[ clears his throat. ]

Glorified babysitter.

text

[lyingheart]

Do you even know how sentience works.

[worstprime]

Wh - I mean, I know...what it is...but it's not really one of those EASILY answered, er understood concepts, is it? Just that it's the right of all beings. Ha! Sorry. That's just a thing that someone I know used to - kind of a bad joke...forget it.

Permavid

[governorkang]

...if you're calling human younglings pupas, you're probably going to need more than just someone telling you.

How much do you know about humans? Or other organic races?

Re: Permavid

[worstprime]

Er....I dunno. Not much I guess. I never really needed to know anything about them before now! Human or otherwise...

[video]

[hands4healing]

It kind of depends on how old they are as to what you do with them, but no, they're not self-maintaining! Kids need a lot of care!

Re: [video]

[worstprime]

Uh, god. Okay. This is starting to sound tedious...what - what kind of care are we talking about here?

TEXT.

[selfimage]

[ time for the deliberately bad advice machine to arrive. ]

What do you DO with them? Oh come on, everyone knows that. You feed them copious amounts of mortal junk food AKA pizza, chocolate chip cookies & milkshakes. That will get them good and sleepy. Then you put them down for a nap. Works like a charm.

Re: TEXT.

[worstprime]

Right! That's something I know...humans use glucose for fuel! I don't know what any of those things you mentioned are, but, I'm sure I can...find someone...who does. Who can get them

[finally, someone with actual advice]

text

[corviform]

[ PARTY POOPER ALERT. ]

Don't feed them junk food!

And don't listen to him.

VIDEO;

[forcowardice]

Mmmmaybe we should get you some research. I'm sure I could find some books while I stop by the library. Sure, it's a primitive method, but it's informational!

Re: VIDEO;

[worstprime]

Ehh, yeah I suppose that would be the thing to do.

....is that really the only method of gathering intel on this planet? It just...it seems so tedious.

text.

[immigrantpunk]

depends a lot on how old they are

[brb laughing at the way she described them though.]

Re: text.

[worstprime]

How do I measure that.....how long are humans even in that state?

[a few days, right?]

audio.

[heralding]

Children are born sentient.

[That's her first thing she can think of.]

What job do you have?

Re: audio.

[worstprime]

Ah, well. Okay, that answers one question, at least.

My job assignment is..."Primary Care Teacher"! I am...admittedly still a little iffy on what that, uhm. Is.

audio;

[theoryandcalculation]

[Wow, you need help.

His only experience with kids is his friend's younger siblings, but he's still willing to throw some advice out there.]

They're not self-maintaining. [What a weird way to put it.] You have to watch them carefully, make sure they eat well and go to bed on time. Or take naps on time, as the case may be.

Re: audio;

[worstprime]

I don't - what....I mean. Sorry, I'm just...this is a complete mystery to me.

What constitutes 'eating well?' Why do they have to go to bed on time? That seems stifling, doesn't it?

audio

[screenplays]

You're another Cybertronian, aren't you?

[ He is so done with this influx. ]

[worstprime]

Er...yes. Familiar with the lot?

[Get over it.]