⛧ 001; video

[contactsports]

[ The sounds of a deli can be heard in the background: general chatter, the ding of the cash register, the sounds of chairs scraping linoleum. The face in the picture is that of Zelda Spellman, a middle-aged looking woman, her chin held high and the fine black lace of her collar only just visible at the bottom of the frame. Her perfectly curled red hair is held up underneath a netted cap. ]

The jobs we are assigned upon our arrival here are abhorrent. I'm far too overqualified for this insulting position and I demand to speak to whichever buffoon thought this would be at all humorous. [ Somebody dings the bell at the register on camera four times in quick succession, and Zelda's gaze flashes away from the camera for a moment. ] Ring that bell again and instead of prosciutto, it will be your tonuge on the menu tonight!

[ The ringing stops, at least for a moment. ] Now, where was I? Oh, yes, employment. How does one procure something less distasteful? Particularly, not something in foodservice?

[ Her gloved hand raises into the frame, exposing a cigarette ring holder on her hand. She takes a drag from the half-smoked cigarette.

Zelda! I told you, no smoking in the kitchen! ]

I'm wearing gloves, aren't I? [ She hollars back at the manager, her forehead knitting in irritation. ] Please, in Satan's name, someone get me out of this Heaven-hole.

Comments

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[mofi]

suk it up

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[contactsports]

I read every language and yet that remains indecipherable.

[Video]

[detectivedwloki]

Their employment services are very misguided. I'm a detective and they gave me a job as a locksmith. I'm in the process of getting that mistake rectified.

[Video]

[contactsports]

I have numerous experiences they could have drawn from. Midwifery, teaching, for Hell's sake I ran a mortuary in Greendale. Yet here I am, slinging bean sprouts as if I'm some spotty mortal teenager looking to bide time in between classes. It's a disgrace.

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[privatepurchases]

I'm sorry did you just threaten to cut out that human's tongue?

[pause]

I mean I get it. I don't know what a motivational speaker and he does seem obnoxious but assuredly I'd walk out at this point.

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[contactsports]

Of course I did. How else would you extract a tongue if not to cut it out?

[ She may be being deliberately dense but, you know. ]

I don't know if I'll need to walk out. If the manager gets anymore red in the face perhaps he'll just fire me.

[hatestrashcans]

Just don't go. Nobody makes you. I never showed up to my 'job'.

[contactsports]

That is an option?

[ How did that not occur to her? ]

[constantdick]

[John doesn't know this woman from a hole in the wall, but that won't stop him from forming an opinion, because he's John.]

Whoever thought it'd be 'umorous is pretty spot on, so let's 'ear a round of applause for them, yeah?

[contactsports]

[ She takes a long drag from her cigarette, staring at him intently. ]

I'm glad you find some humor in my plight.

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[therewillbeorder]

There are no consequences for quitting your assigned occupation.

If you're lookin for something better, I'm looking for a personal assistant to handle paperwork in the office. It doesn't require handling food.

[contactsports]

[ While she's not crazy about the idea of working for someone else, it's still better than... This. ]

What kind of paperwork would that entail?

text - ID: The Annoying Wizard

[iminthebook]

You can look for and find a new job. The people assigning them are silly.

What type of job do you normally do?

[contactsports]

Normally, I run a mortuary with my sister. But I'm also a midwife and the Directrix of the Satanic Choir at the Academy of Unseen Arts.

Well, interim directrix, I suppose.

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[justaddh2o]

While I agree with you that the jobs they assign us are really dumb and we're not good fits for them, there's nothing wrong with food service. Would you want someone smoking near your food while they were preparing it? Gross.

[contactsports]

It's quite simple. I don't allow anyone but myself and my sister to prepare my food.

[ID: Selina Kyle] TEXT ▸

[catlady]

Easy solution: you find someone else to hire you or you go into business for yourself.

[contactsports]

I have my own businesses back home, but they are a bit more unconventional.

[Video]

[prophesiedone]

The cities offer a lot of possibilities. I was given an awful position when I arrived. I set off immediately to find something better and I have it now.

[Body-guarding suits him far better than working with sand. He still hasn't found the person responsible for that choice. They definitely deserve a punch in the face.]

[contactsports]

That seems to be the case, I've come to find out. What did you end up pursuing on your own?

Permavid

[governorkang]

They're more suggestions than expectations. I've yet to figure out how they assign jobs. Sometimes they get it pretty close, but most of the time... well. You already know.

[contactsports]

Dear Satan, what kind of demon are you?

[anormie]

In Satan's name?

Also, I'm sure someone totally probably told you already it's actually pretty easy to change jobs. What would you prefer to do?

[contactsports]

I'd prefer to be home, but I've come to understand such a request is unlikely to be granted.

[devilishly_handsome]

Yeah, I was originally assigned a job as pie taster. I mean, I like eating, but I ended up switching to something that used my skills a bit more. But yeah, you don't actually have to do these jobs. Just find someone to hire you doing whatever you'd rather do.

[contactsports]

Why would they assign us jobs if there is no expectation to actually do them?

[ Video ]

[bad_crowmance]

Just ditch the job, as far as I can tell most of 'em are a load of crap anyway.

[ Video ]

[contactsports]

I would, but it seems I also have to pay rent, find sustenance, and I certainly can't be expected to wear the same clothing I arrived in every day. If I didn't need a job, I certainly wouldn't be here, would I?

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[consulinchief]

[Oh god, that's...

Nope.]

Well, what would you say you're more suited to do?

[Because the quicker they get her out of food services, the better.]

[contactsports]

At this juncture, I daresay anything but this.

[ It's for the best, really. ]

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[melodramagic]

[ Although she's gotten the heads up from Lilith, Sabrina can barely keep her composure when she turns on the feed to see Zelda in... a mortal deli, wearing a hairnet. The very opposite of what she imagined she would see. ]

Auntie!

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[contactsports]

Oh, Sabrina!

[ Zelda stares into the camera, her eyes wide, relieved and terrified all at once. ]

Oh, no, don't look at me. I can't bear for you to see me like this.