maskormenace | video.

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Sooooo...

Here's a question. What's the weirdest thing one of your fans has ever done? Or, like, the weirdest piece of content you've ever found?

Because I just found there are bwitter accounts dedicated to trying to prove I'm not actually dating my girlfriend? I thought it was a joke but they're in like, a flame war with someone whose really into it... Like, I know I shouldn't be reading it, but I just can't look away.

[ oh, right, wait, also need to be responsible. ]

Oh, right, almost forgot. Hi, I'm Josh Foley. I work at De Chima General. If you've got weird medical needs or something you need fixed, I'm your dude.

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What percent of the population is homo-superior? [ using 'mutant' seems.. derogatory? but maybe it doesn't have negative connotations where this person is from. ]

Thank you, but no. I don't believe you could assist with my particular complications.

You remember those ads they did for Staples? The ones with the 'Easy' button that you hit it and would make life simpler? And they ran under this whole 'well that was easy' campaign?

They used to let you record your own thing and put it on a button labeled with a single short word.

I want one that says 'No' that when you hit it is just me saying 'Don't do that, Josh.'

You can put it on your desk or take it to work with you and whenever you have a thought like this, you can just hit it because we already know what I am going to say.

I mean, there's definitely a lot of porn fanfic of me. And when I first started dating Finn, there were some fans that were happy about it, but some that kept insisting I should be dating whoever they shipped me with.

And I caught some people taking a picture of me through a window on my boat when it was docked.

[ fanfic.

remember that his good buddy jonathan has two dongs. ]

Yeah, man, the fanfic is just weird. Like sometimes it's funny? But like, wow.

Yeah. I mean, I get it...but sometimes it's just unrealistic.

I would still love him even if he bit me. That's what love is.

[Missing the point is his other superpower, clearly.]

Oh, I know David! We had a sleepover. He got me gloves and we played checkers, and he likes dinosaurs, too. [Ten out of ten, great guy.] He said fur-bearing trout aren't real, though, and that's sad. Do you think if I ask the internet, they'll get me a trout with fur? I want one as a pet.

Right. [Five years- no, even just two years ago, that'd be a joke to him too.] Anyway, I'm gonna go post screenshots of your confession to all your fanclubs, bye.

Even if you can't fix it, at least I'll have tried.

Where should I meet you?

Oh, yeah. She was here first, and then she got ported out, and then I showed up, she ported back in, ported back out for a couple of years, ported back in...

[ They have a long, complicated, winding history that not many people really know about. Mainly because it's weird and complicated, and Jaime can barely keep it straight in his head. ]

People don't really care about that, though. Just like they don't care about your history with Laurie even before you came here. They just care about whether or not you, like, look right together. Or if they think your personalities match from whatever they've made up about you.

A bummer on all fronts.

I've only been alone for, like, six years. The internet could let me have something.

[ oh, shit. yeah. ]

I'm sorry. That pisses me off... if they give you a hard time again, give me a call or something.

[ i mean, don't, because he might murder them. ]

[ YOU DONT SOUND OLD ENOUGH FOR TWITTER YOUNG LADY ]

It's probably better if you, uh... don't.

Right now, where I'm from? Roughly 0.01%. That's after multiple extinction events, though. We made up about 0.5 percent before everything went super bad.

[ but that's fair. he shrugs. ]

Gotcha. Somebody might be able to. We've got some pretty talented magicians and geniuses.

Wait wait wait hold on a sec!

[ NO!! ]

Don't do me dirty like that!

Tell me about it. I've seen some, um... interesting fanart of myself lately.

[ extinction events. ]

What do you mean, extinction events? People don't generally survive those.

[ that's the purpose of the extinction, so far as he knows. ]

It's... not entirely baseless. Of all possible guesses.

[ she's just NAMED dragon and can SUMMON dragons. small error. ]

But let's see... before I exPorted the first time, some people thought maybe I was actually the one bringing people here, since I was so different from everyone else. There's a bunch that still think I killed that guy I got framed for killing, even though he was already dead. [ She's not on camera, but she's tallying these off on her fingers. ] Uhm, dragon is most popular but regular alien is up there too. Serial killer, obviously. That I use my empathy to manipulate how other people feel, and that's the only reason Jaime "thinks" he likes me.

Though, that last sort seems to happen to everyone.

They sure don't.

[ a little bitterly. ]

It might be the wrong phrase, but uh... Terrorists killed about sixteen million of us. And, then... we had someone use magic to strip our powers from us and turn us human. That took out 99 percent of the remaining population. We recently experienced a plague which... I don't even know how many that killed, but, like, at this point any loss is substantial.

[ jesus christ. ]

I'm sorry. [ he should leave it at that, sign off, not.. think about it, poke at it. but, god, he feels like he's starving and he knows there's something here and the watcher knows it, too.

and perhaps, more importantly: ] My own world is experiencing something similar right now. [ not an extinction, that would be kinder. and it's his fault. ]

Why do they think you'd like about that?

Oh, dude, I'm sorry... That sucks.

[ it stings less knowing that things get better - that life and death are playthings, largely because of his powers and the powers of four other mutants. but he's not there yet, can still barely process it.

and it's not like he can bring it up after that. he scratches his cheek. ]

I don't think they actually see me as a person. Or... any of us, really.

That's certainly a way of putting it.

You said that magic is a part of your world as well?

[Boy, does that sound familiar.]

I think...it's easier, for some people to think that way,

Unfortunately...

[ he used to be one of those people too, after all. ]

I don't care so long as it doesn't start, y'know, pushing into my actual real life. Let them talk. But like, after what happened to those girls...

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