video.

[goldtoxicity]

Sooooo...

Here's a question. What's the weirdest thing one of your fans has ever done? Or, like, the weirdest piece of content you've ever found?

Because I just found there are bwitter accounts dedicated to trying to prove I'm not actually dating my girlfriend? I thought it was a joke but they're in like, a flame war with someone whose really into it... Like, I know I shouldn't be reading it, but I just can't look away.

[ oh, right, wait, also need to be responsible. ]

Oh, right, almost forgot. Hi, I'm Josh Foley. I work at De Chima General. If you've got weird medical needs or something you need fixed, I'm your dude.

Comments

Audio - UN: Prodigy

[helpdesk_hero]

I want to hit them on Laurie's behalf.

But right now? I'm getting so much 'fanart' of me touching objects to... unlikely parts of my skin to get readings.

[goldtoxicity]

[ oh no you said the thing. he can't help but start to laugh, clapping a hand over his mouth to try to stop it. ]

I saw the one with the antique chaise lounge this morning.

[helpdesk_hero]

That one was surprisingly tasteful, given I was only, you know, baring what they think is my ass as I bent over the thing.

Fame sucks.

[goldtoxicity]

Yeah, I dunno how you're going to break it to them that your ass is just not that plush. It's gonna break hearts. Maybe you need to start wearing the skintight spandex again?

[helpdesk_hero]

That is so not happening again. That outfit didn't come here with me, so don't expect it to reappear.

[goldtoxicity]

I'm so gonna make you one.

[helpdesk_hero]

You remember those ads they did for Staples? The ones with the 'Easy' button that you hit it and would make life simpler? And they ran under this whole 'well that was easy' campaign?

They used to let you record your own thing and put it on a button labeled with a single short word.

I want one that says 'No' that when you hit it is just me saying 'Don't do that, Josh.'

You can put it on your desk or take it to work with you and whenever you have a thought like this, you can just hit it because we already know what I am going to say.

[goldtoxicity]

If I listened to you every time you said 'Don't do that, Josh' we'd never have any fun. So, like, note noted but dually ignored!

[helpdesk_hero]

Oh, we’ll get you a button to go with the one with a recording of my voice. It will say ‘for the vine’

[goldtoxicity]

Shouldn't we get you that button?

[helpdesk_hero]

No, you'd be sad if you didn't get to say it yourself.

[goldtoxicity]

You got me there.

[ what is he if not the chaotic angel on david's shoulder. ]

[helpdesk_hero]

So we'll save on making that button for me to use, so you can just appear and say things to get weird looks from me.

[And yet, his life was DECIDEDLY better for the chaotic angel. He DID owe his relationship to Josh in some ways.]

[goldtoxicity]

So like, life as usual? Except there'll be a button I never use and one I use anytime I need the boost of confidence to do something dumb. Gotcha.

[helpdesk_hero]

The button with my voice is to save you having to text me. But yeah, confidence boosts are good.

[goldtoxicity]

I text you because I love and value you and your input enough to hear it and immediately disregard it.

[helpdesk_hero]

So... Like a parent.

[goldtoxicity]

Like a big brother.

[helpdesk_hero]

[That takes the amusement from the conversation. He was an older brother. He should be able to make some quip about how he's experienced at it. Or comparing Josh to his sister. He can't.]

Yeah. I can accept that.

[goldtoxicity]

[ right.

shit. it takes a second for him to catch on to what he's said wrong. ]

A-anyway. If you were a parent I'd spend way more time yelling about how you don't get me.

[helpdesk_hero]

[It's not Josh's fault that it hurt so much to learn about Kim and know only what other people told him.]

But really, Josh, DO I get you?

[goldtoxicity]

Insofar as I can be gotten.

[ because he's... y'know. a lot. ]

[helpdesk_hero]

Well, I suppose that makes sense. I do know a lot, including you.

[goldtoxicity]

You're the Josh to the Universe translator.

[helpdesk_hero]

I don't speak Universe actually.