text. anonymous.

[obediences]

Is there anything about yourself that you would change, if you could?

And do any of you have the ability or powers to change people's physical bodies? Like with magic, or something.

Not science.


[ Science has already let him down. Science led him here. Luther doesn't much savour the idea of another brilliant person with brilliant inventions trying to get beneath his ape-like skin, when he and his father already tried and failed.

There is something to be said for acceptance, and coming to terms with yourself and your new capabilities or lack thereof. Luther isn't there yet. And he has too many memories now, of an entire decade in the City without this albatross around his neck, this anchor around his ankle. Every time he thinks he might have readjusted to his malformed body again, this world delivers him another goddamned reminder of what he's lost: accidentally remaking his own form when dreams became real; his siblings winding up in others' bodies; waking up looking like his teenaged self, from a far simpler time. It rankles; makes it harder each time to feel comfortable again.

So. He asks the question, finally. ]


& ooc: I don't want to permanently 'fix' Luther, but if your character can do it, I would absolutely be open to a change backfiring or working temporarily! Feel free to plot ICly, or reach out OOCly to hash out some details!

Comments

[obediences]

Yeah. It would feel like... I don't know, letting down my team and the world? My responsibilities.
Uh, not that that means you did, though. That's just about me. Sorry.

[ fooooot in mooouth ]

And no, not hypothetical. Someone once asked me why I hadn't tried to find someone with magic to help me, now that we're here in this place. So I've just been thinking about it.

[aeva]

I hope you brought up the conversation first.

( otherwise that's just rude )

Is it something you've thought of before?

[obediences]

[ This answer, when it comes, takes a bit longer. ]

It's fine. It came up, I let it come up.
And in general, yeah -- but in specific, about magic? Until then, no. I dunno if that was just a blind spot or whatever, since I'm not really used to magic as an option.

[aeva]

Is it something you want to talk about? I'd be happy to listen.

[obediences]

[ A snort. ]

You a therapist or something?

[ little does he know...! ]

[aeva]

Just a good listener. And I might know some of what you're going through.

( since she did make that choice )

perma-private

[obediences]

Maybe. It's been... kind of nice being able to talk about it with some people now, I guess.

[ wounds need air to heal. ]

You've probably already been able to guess but mine wasn't my choice. It was done to save my life, but still.

[aeva]

( she was going to invite him for tea instead but this also works )

I try not to make assumptions, a lot of the time people get them very wrong.

How do you feel about what happened to you?

[obediences]

[ it's ok, he probably would've recoiled at the idea of doing this in-person. he will also be terrible at this via text!
but he'll get there eventually ]

Not great.

[aeva]

I'm sorry. I can understand why they did it but that doesn't always make it what we want.

[obediences]

No, it doesn't.

[ ugh this is harder than he thought ]



Sorry, this is-- hard. It's not a story that I want to really explain, either. But I'm trying to talk about it here with people, somewhere, for once, even if it's anonymous. Mostly because it seemed like others, outside the people I already know, might understand. Have been through similar.

[ The story's come out in drips and drabs in this universe, but never the whole thing. Barbara got the part about the acid attack, and almost dying in the line of duty. Ashley got the part about his exile, and how little he'd adjusted to his body even after so much time. That other anonymous commenter got the physical description of what he looked like now; Luther's disgust with it. None of them ever receive the full picture.

(And none of it is being honest and open and straightforward with his family members, the people who probably should be the ones to hear all this.) ]

[aeva]

It's okay, you don't have to tell me.
I suppose what I really want is to know how to help uou, what you need.

[obediences]

[ A half-cocked smile. Rueful and tired, although she can't see it. ]

Can you roll back time?

[aeva]

Once upon a time.

( but is she joking? )

My story isn't like yours but there's part of it that might still help. When I gave up my powers I did it for love. The rules my boss had meant that being with someone was forbidden. I realised that I didn't want to lose what I could have, that it was important to me so I gave everything up to be with them.

My point is that if you do decide to go down that path, to change who you are to make sure that you truly believe in the reason, that you won't regret it because you can't take it back.

[obediences]

[ And all of a sudden, there's so much food for thought here. Mrs S is doing a good job of making him at least pause and think over his choices, this action he's considering. But then there's also the other thing she just wrote. It lines up too closely, reminds him of the fact that he had actively chosen duty and rules and his boss over love, acceptance, companionship. Had suffered for it ever since. ]

How did you work up the nerve to do it? To give everything up like that?

This doesn't have as much to do with the original subject. I'm just wondering.

[ Because he'd fucked up. Because he didn't make that choice, before. ]

[aeva]

I was so in love that losing it would have been unbearable, something I couldn't imagine.

It wasn't an easy conversation to have, sometimes I wonder whether I let him down for choosing as I did but it was important to me. Love helped me decide, helped me do it.

[obediences]

It was unbeara

[ Luther grinds to an immediate halt; can't bring himself to even touch on that untouchable wound or that mistake. This is already closer to the topic than he'd have preferred, and with a stranger, even. He stops, switches gears abruptly. Looks at the username and the display name attached to it. ]

Thank you for telling me about it.
Your name's Mrs Sheringham?

[aeva]

It is.
If there's ever anything you need to talk about, even anonymously, I'll listen. Maybe I can help.