002; voice

[ifnotloyal]

[ A whole month and one enjoyable beach trip later, Ace is finally crawling out from hiding under whatever bed he'd been sulking under (quite literally, actually). It's about time to figure out what he should do next after the catastrophe in De Chima and so... ]

This might be a weird question, but what kind of work is out there for a dog?

[ Or should he be a little more specific? ]

An imPort dog, not a regular one. I mean, I do sort of still have my old job, but I'm starting to think they're going to leave me suspended for a lot longer and it's getting a little dull.

[ Sure, playing regular household pet dog is fun, but he'd stopped being one of those even before ending up in Heropa. ]

Comments

[infomodder]

[And then without any hesitation and because Will reads everything:]

Unless you just want a new job. But nothing to do with glue.

[ifnotloyal]

[ Dig for the worms, roll in the worms, maybe only return with half the worms intact, hopefully not get worms from all the worms. ]

I do like it. Or... did. It was a nice job, didn't mind the kids at all, but I think they're right to be worried about it, that maybe I shouldn't be around them, so I figure a new job is the best solution for everyone.

[ There's a beat between that and what he says next, but yeah, he has to agree on one thing. ]

And no glue. I'm definitely not a glue-ologist.

[infomodder]

[Adorable, PRECIOUS BABY, oh bless him, TO THE VET WE GO.]

Are you joking? It's proof you're the sort that should be around children. [Says the guy who...shh.] You're a crossing guard that can provide complete protection. Nobody's getting kidnapped with you around.

[The hero of the story is Ace. And good, he runs with it instead of asking why, well done Graham.]

[ifnotloyal]

I'm a crossing guard who bit a policeman.

[ And so, so much more. ]

Uh, and while we're talking about that... [ He hasn't really gotten a chance to do this yet! ] I'm still really sorry about your house. I didn't expect that to happen.

[infomodder]

[So, so much more now in video form on Tattlecrime! And he has no idea how it got there, nope. Not a single part of him has the first clue where Freddie Lounds got her hands on such sensational and terrifying footage.]

Speaking as a former member of the police: they could stand to be bitten more often. [And so, so much more.] Speaking as me, you don't owe any apologies. That wasn't something anyone expected. You're a good dog. [WHAT? AMAZING!!!!] Your employers thinking otherwise doesn't make that any less true. I'll talk to them about the whole mess if you want your job back as it was.

[There are a few things in life Will Graham is bound and determined to see get done, and it's rather alarming how driven he can be once he gets a goal in his head. He's not opposed to manipulative methods and like hell would he pull punches when the goal centers around a dog.]

[ifnotloyal]

[ And what parents are going to want the dog in that video guarding their children, Will? Huh? Huh? ]

I don't know. I've done stuff good dogs really shouldn't.

[ But everyone keeps saying he's still a good dog, so, so, maybe it is true?! ]

And it's really okay, really! I think it might be time to branch out, anyway. A lot of the day at that school was just me sleeping between shifts.

[infomodder]

[Parents who realize that it's good for the kids to learn to behave themselves like well-mannered members of society or risk being crushed by a car. Like, what better incentive to not be a bully in the crosswalk, right? Choose to make fun of the nerd for her new glasses and risk being a person pancake or keep the mouth shut and everything goes well.

It's perfect parenting.]

That makes you an even better good dog. [Who hasn't done something they shouldn't have, totally not Will, he just knows this feeling from other people. And dogs.] I have to agree with April that you'd be a good movie star.

[It's like Bolt in reality. How is that going to do anything other than sell tickets.]

[ifnotloyal]

[ Wow, Will, he would never crush a child with a car. Maul and eviscerate, sure, that's happened before, but let's be clear here, being crushed by cars is clearly reserved for the police and other grown ups. ]

But isn't that a contradiction? [ How can he do bad dog things and be even more a good dog-- oh, nevermind. He'll never really be sure how humans rate good dog, bad dog. It's such a mystery. ] And... maybe.

[ If Will and April both think so, hmmm. ]

Though I really have no idea how those are made.

[ Or how people end up in them! ]

[infomodder]

[That one is also terrifying and would be a good tool in any parents' arsenal, thanks.]

Not really. [Can he not be forced to expound on this point because he can talk about bad dogs and good dogs all day but usually when he talks about that? The dogs don't talk back. And make him uncomfortably aware of how much of a bad dog he ends up being. They just slobber on him and shed all over everything and love him despite the overwhelming flaws. And sweat.] They use cameras.

[That's so helpful.

Just like Ace publicly announcing Will slams their freezer full of fish. Can you not declare his loyalties where Baltimore can see them, buddy?]

[ifnotloyal]

[ This is definitely a curse, having the ability to directly question what a human means by good dog, bad dog, and every kind of dog in between. He's yet to find an answer he can really believe, but still can't help but bask in the joy of being proclaimed 'good'. It's a hardwired reaction. ]

Don't those only take still pictures?

[ He doesn't even know who Baltimore is, he cannot be blamed. ]

[infomodder]

[A shared curse, the best kind.]

No. [This dog, goodness. Maybe they can have a movie night.] Some take video, too. You know TV? The news? That's all done with cameras.

[The TV, that box with the tiny animals dogs bark at as though they're about to come out of it.]

[aggressiveapathy]

Don't limit his dreams.

[ Because we're all stalkers here. ]

[infomodder]

[Rude.]

I'm not. I'm limiting his nightmares.

[Now, April, what is the word for a female horse? Think.]

[aggressiveapathy]

[ She will not, Will. She will not even allow that pun to half form in her mind.

Jerk. ]

No limits. He's a dog in his prime. Ace can go chase, catch, and bring back whatever he wants.

[infomodder]

[Jerk jerk jerk on a leash.]

Didn't include glue until you brought it up. [Jerk.] I'd never limit something he actually wants.

[aggressiveapathy]

It could be the destiny he never knew he had.

Plus free glue. I already know where to get fish. And flammable clothing.

[ In her freezer. Where he keeps leaving it. But no public statements, blah, blah, respecting wishes.]

[infomodder]

[She'll always have the fish-filled freezer, comes with respecting wishes.]

Glue's not a precious metal. It's cheap and everywhere. I'm sure you'll pull through.

[Like shark April.]

[aggressiveapathy]

But it's almost Halloween. I need more than normal.

[ She does not need the glue. But she will childishly hold out on this point until this world gets eaten too. ]

[infomodder]

[Of course.]

To put in pies for all the kids who'd stop by?

[aggressiveapathy]

And to put in the punch at whatever weird swearing-in ceremony they do this month.

[infomodder]

You really think Ace wants any part in that?

[that is bad dog™ behavior]

[ifnotloyal]

Well, the fish isn't exactly hard to find, is it? He's always leaving a ton of it in our freezer.

[ oblivious to any wishes, sorry. ]

[aggressiveapathy]

But it's hidden in bags labeled 'Ace.'

[ifnotloyal]

They're labeled? With my name? Really?

[ he cannot even read his own name, ok. ]

[aggressiveapathy]

Seriously. He's got a dog fetish or something.