voice.

[showtunes]

Good evening.

[ hal clears his throat. he's still not great recording open-ended messages, but he's practiced this one. his voice is polished, british, and sonorous. ]

I find myself with considerable amounts of spare time as we begin a new year. As such, I am offering my cleaning, sorting, and tidying services to any imPort who requires them. Simply invite me to your workplace or living space, and provide or purchase the cleaning supplies necessary, and I will be happy to do the rest with good old fashioned hard work and elbow grease. No further restitution required.

[ which, given he can't use the porters, may put him a little out of pocket. but he has a month's savings now, and a paying job. besides, he's discovered he quite enjoys long drives too, so distance isn't an issue, even if he'd prefer to stick to maurtia falls, a city he is rapidly coming to call home. ]

[ the main problem is being out in the world, in contact with people, and no tom to supervise should he lose his head. but his desire for some serious tasks outweighs that concern for now. ]

Oh, and Merry Christmas, I suppose.

[ he's only a couple of weeks late... ]

(( ooc: hal can't be seen on camera, so any "video" replies will be of furniture or a black screen. ))

Comments

text;

[newsfeed]

[ So that's a familiar name. Cutler listens, and then thinks maybe he's made it up, then checks the name again. There's no mistaking the voice, even if he could justify the rest as a matter of mistaken identity.

Text's easier, admittedly, but it's also a great way to disguise his tone of voice. Sort of. It's probably easy to infer. ]

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

You're a bit late on the holiday greetings, by the way. I was hoping for a card.

voice; 1/2

[showtunes]

[ hal's blood is already cold, but when he sees that name it runs colder. ]

Is this a prank?

[ because the text could be anyone, really. except... annie has no memory, and tom is gone, and nobody else here knows that name. he feels paralyzed with horror as it sinks in that "nick cutler" is likely actually the cutler, somehow. in who knows what sort of state, but here. ]

[ his stomach churns, and he immediately switches to a private feed. he doesn't want mitchell picking over their conversation — or natasha, not until he's ready to tell her. ]

[humanistic]

[shows what you know he can absolutely pick over two lines of text]

text; private;

[showtunes]

I thought you were dead.

If it helps, I didn't send cards to anyone.

[ not addressing that first bit. cutler was a court-appointed solicitor, he couldn't exactly talk about jobs on the low end of the spectrum. though he had probably been paid. ]

text; private;

[newsfeed]

[ The initial shock's surprising. Cutler had just seen Hal recently. The circumstances hadn't been ideal, exactly, but it's not as if his existence should be unexpected.

And then he gets the text, which clears a few things up. Bad jokes about Christmas forgotten, he pauses, makes himself think it over before firing off a reply. He wants to ask why Hal would think he was dead; he's just not so sure he wants to hear the answer. ]

Well I'm not dead, am I. No more dead than you, in any case.

It's a good job getting invitations, I'll give you that. Shame you've gone and given them a public record of it.

voice; she is sensitive to ur vampy needs

[teaspectre]

What about compensation?

'Cause I mean, I could always use a second set of hands in cleaning up.

voice.

[showtunes]

I don't imagine I will need compensation for anything more than the products used in the process. I make quite surprisingly decent tips at the hotel.

That said, your housekeeping is generally impeccable.

voice.

[teaspectre]

Oh, well yes.

I just find it's ... a little more tiring to spend twelve hours deep cleaning the entire place these days.

[ Since. You know. Living and breathing again. Having to sleep, eat, washroom breaks, etc. ]

voice

[rathercommon]

[ On the one hand, she's not incredibly keen on lots of people knowing where she lives. On the other...it's just Hal. And she knows lots of people are going to react to this offer with suspicion and paranoia, so she'd like to give a little positive reinforcement. (Even if this strikes her as weird, but, well...Hal.) ]

My place could use a bit of tidying.

voice

[showtunes]

Yes, I seem to remember you made that clear.

[ and then got huffy and called him rude. ]

voice

[rathercommon]

[ Their very first argument. She could frame it and put it in a scrapbook to remember. ]

I'd not mind having you over, if this isn't only about meeting new people.

text

[powerkicks]

What's the catch?

text

[showtunes]

[ if he ever loses his shit and goes crazy he'll be able to come into your house without an invitation and kill you. ]

No catch.

voice

[paintjobs]

I'm wondering the same as your last astute commenter. In short, why?

voice

[showtunes]

I like cleaning.

[ in the bemused tone that says he doesn't understand why this is strange. everyone has a hobby. ]

voice.

[selfequipped]

What are your feelings on small dogs and their, well, youthful messes?

[So far, Springsteen is a very good dog!

But he's still young, and accidents happen.

And this guy is offering! That's the important part.]

voice.

[showtunes]

Youthful messes.

[ repeating it back because wow, what a euphemism. still, while the idea is aversive, confronting that discomfort and then abiding it in order to clean is kind of the point. ]

Dogs tend not to like me very much. But I could clean up after them, if that's what you're asking.

voice;

[humanistic]

Pretty clever.

[Collecting invites, that is. Probably he should be somehow pleased by Hal doing what he has to do to keep clean but
that would require liking Hal so

no.]

Do they get waivers to sign?

not here;

[showtunes]

[ did someone say something. ]

voice; private

[doneproperly]

[Mandrake's eyes narrow at the screen. Kitty Jones appears to be acquainted with this individual. Hm. Well, it's not a total loss. Perhaps he can turn the situation to his advantage.

He bites the bullet and replies, taking a second to compose himself first.

Another British-sounding, well-educated voice comes over the network in this reply. It's difficult to tell the speaker's age exactly through voice alone, but he seems... young-ish, at any rate. Old enough for his voice to have broken, and to speak with the quiet but clear enunciation of someone with confidence in himself when he speaks, not to mention using stiffer and more proper syntax than is commonly used by teenagers. All in all, a rather odd juxtaposition.]

Charitable work indeed, to be offering this for free. You must have a great love of cleaning.

voice; private

[showtunes]

[ if Hal notices the juxtaposition, he's certainly too polite to comment on it. ]

I do. Idle hands are the devil's playthings, as they say, and I can only work so many hours at my job before they refuse to pay me and send me home.

[ which is fine, he'd rather be cleaning than interacting with customers. ]

text; private

[sizetwelve]

Make a regular appointment of it, and we might have a deal. Do you have any qualifications, other than your brilliant sense of time?

text; private

[showtunes]

Prior to arriving here I was manager at a hotel in Barry, Wales. Before that I spent about a year at a cafe. Currently I'm employed as a concierge at a Maurtia Falls hotel, and my room-mates can attest to my personal standards of cleanliness. If you need further reassurance, you're always welcome to contact some of the others requesting my services and monitor their experience.

voice.

[agog]

[ this is adorable. ] So a sort of man-maid's service then?

voice.

[showtunes]

I don't... a man-maid?