02 | Video

[khajidont]

[When the video comes on, Jaime's seated at his desk back home, a tidy stack of books visible out of the corner of the screen, and a larger stack of boxes smack dab in the middle of it - which is fine, considering the contents of the boxes is what he's here to talk about today.

He gives the camera a little wave.]

Hey, guys. I'm Jaime, and today I'm gonna be making a... really weird PSA. So as it turns out, we come from a bunch of different worlds and times, and some of these worlds and times don't actually have toothbrushes, which makes my boss want to cry, so! She gave me a box of free stuff so you guys can avoid cavities and, y'know, terrible breath.

[What he's saying here is that you guys - you medieval guys, you know who you are - are disgusting. All of you. That's okay, though, because superdentist-in-training is here to help.

He cracks open the box and pulls out a toothbrush, still in its plastic wrapper, and with it, a hilariously small travel-sized toothpaste tube.]

What you wanna do is squeeze some toothpaste onto this, and just -- brush your teeth like this. [He pantomimes it in midair, which looks about as stylish as it sounds. He honestly looks a little self-conscious but hey, it's a living. (Half a living. Maybe a quarter of a living, if he's lucky.)]

So seriously, if you need any of this stuff, hit me up, because I got like a hundred to get rid of. Also, it's super helpful in de-disgustifying your mouth and they've got, like, cheerful little pictures on it. It's a win-win.

[The aforesaid cheerful little pictures are happy suns with sunglasses and purple tulips, because evidently he got a crate of designs meant for small children. Beggars can't be choosers, right? He cuts the feed.

...and turns it on again long enough to add,] And I got floss!

[Job done.]

01 / VIDEO

[beneathbluerafters]

[The video feed clicks on to show... an extreme close-up of a cat's nose pressing into the screen. The camera jiggles around for a few moments before the view lurches up and away, with an unmistakably annoyed meow being heard in the background. It isn't clear where this is being filmed... it's obviously indoors, but the room is dark, and the curtains are drawn]

Teekl, away from that thing! Give it here, you obstinate beast! Now then, how does this work...?

[The video gradually swims back into focus as Klarion squints into the camera, before finally holding the phone out at arm's length and giving any viewers a polite nod.]

Ah, there we are! Greetings, fellow imPorts... or should I say temporary kidnapping victims. I am called Klarion, and this is Teekl. [The camera swings down to show the cat, a large, impossibly fluffy ginger Maine Coon who looks less than impressed, then moves back to Klarion's face.]

First, I should make two things clear: one, I'm a witch-boy from Limbo Town, not a pilgrim, although I understand that my hometown's fashion sense has certain unmistakable similarities to their clothing. Ill-intended jokes about turkeys or thanks-giving day pageants are not appreciated, and will be met with extreme prejudice. Any jokes about these wretched blue creatures called 'smurfs' shall be met with even more extreme prejudice. Consider this your first and final warning.

Second, where might I find some 'iced cream'? I've heard that it's a delicious remedy to this absurd heat, and I should like to taste it for myself! Especially if it comes in strawberry.