001. video

[willinglychanged]

[A bright and positive face pops up on the device, smiling cheerfully as he figures out if he's doing this thing right. He pokes the device a couple of times, mostly because his own cell phone was a piece of crap back home so smart phones weren't exactly his thing. When he's pretty convinced its broadcasting he waves at the screen.] Uh... hey? [He chuckles slightly nervously.] No idea who I'm talkin' to... I guess everyone? [The nervousness is gone in a flash and he grins widely.] Anyway, name's Drew, I'm kinda new here. Kinda new, fuck I'm really new.

[The background behind him changes as he moves to throw himself on the sofa.] I'm startin' out with this whole hero gig and I just wanted everyone to sorta see my face. [He flashes another grin full of teeth before shaking his head.] Didn't mean to sound so damn conceited, I meant if any of y'all see me around, go on ahead and holler... I don't bite. [He quirks one eyebrow.] Not unless you ask nicely and everythin'.

[He moves to put the phone down before its up again in a flash.] Wait a sec, just remembered I kinda had a question. [His expression goes attentive as he focuses.] Could someone tell me how I go about askin' some questions about some personal stuff... maybe like a doctor or somethin', not a big deal just figurin' that life here ain't like life back home and I'm gonna need to figure some shit out.

[He shrugs.] Anyway, I'm out. Like I said, names Drew, catch y'all later. [And there's a couple minutes of silence and furrowed brows as he figured out how to turn the device off again, not quite realizing people could just as easily just video or text him back.]

♋ 001 TEXT;

[bloodpressured]

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF







OKAY. YES. OKAY.

WELL, HELLO THERE, HUMANS. ALL OF YOU ARE LOOKING VERY ALIVE AND I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A PLEASANT DAY, GOING ABOUT YOUR VARIOUS BUSINESSES SUCH AS "BEING ON PLANET EARTH" AND "EXISTING" AND "HOLY SHIT, WHAT." SO NO NEED TO STOP DOING THAT IF I'M INTERRUPTING!

HEY, LISTEN, I GET IT, IF I HAD SOME IMPORTANT SHIT TO GET DONE AND THEN SOME CLUELESS LOBELEAKER TRIED BARGING IN AND DEMANDING TO BE CAUGHT UP TO SPEED, I'D BE PRETTY FED UP WITH THAT MYSELF. AS THOUGH SOMEHOW YOU SHOULD ALL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS IGNORANCE, RIGHT? MAYBE THERE'S A REASON NO ONE BROUGHT HIM INTO THE LOOP, NOT THAT HE EVER STOPPED TO CONSIDER HOW IT MIGHT AFFECT YOU.

SO YEAH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. SOME PEOPLE MIGHT LAUNCH INTO SOME SORT OF SELF-IMPORTANT SCREED THAT WOULD BE MORE ACCURATELY CHARACTERIZED AS A SHITFIT, DEMANDING INFORMATION AS THOUGH THEY'RE ENTITLED TO IT AND FLINGING CAUSTIC REMARKS AND OBSCENITIES AT ANYONE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO GET IN TYPING RANGE, BUT NOT ME.

I'LL JUST BE OVER HERE WAITING PATIENTLY, STARING AROUND ME IN SLACK JAWED WONDER LIKE A CONTENT AND EXTREMELY CORDIAL BARKBEAST, WELL AWARE OF HIS OWN RELATIVE LACK OF SIGNIFICANCE IN THIS AND ALL UNIVERSES AND TOTALLY AT PEACE WITH IT. SERIOUSLY, I'M BOGGLING AT THESE DEVELOPMENTS BUT ALSO WISED UP TO THE TRUTH THAT THIS IS MERELY ONE OF MANY THINGS I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO EITHER CONTRIBUTE TO OR UNDERSTAND.

OH, BUT, AND THIS IS A SUPER, SUPER LOW PRIORITY, JUST IF YOU HAVE A SPARE MOMENT AND YOU AREN'T TOO TIRED FROM HUMANING ALL DAY, WOULD SOMEONE MIND JUST LETTING ME KNOW: WHAT THE FUCK?

THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!