video | ❝ black hole sun ❞

[quickfingers]

[So Peter's coming at you vlog style, sitting on a bench with his earbuds in before he pulls them out and loops the cord around his neck to have them stay put. He's adapted pretty well to the whole new age technology thing bit by bit, but talking into a phone camera is mega weird. Sorry for weird angles, he's working this shit out.]

Yo, so last month you guys were real cool about the whole ordering pizza thing - thanks for that. Pie In The Sky got shut down for a while after the place got trashed, and they decided to rebrand while they were doing their repairs. [He holds up a paper flyer. He's been handing these out all day, jamming them in mailboxes, mail slots and even inside people's vehicles and any open windows. You're free to find them just about anywhere, in potentially great volume. Sorry not sorry.] So Porter Pizza'll be reopening on the 9th.

There'll be free slices, some great deals and you can help 'em get back on their feet after all that shit that went down. The joint's run by some cool people and I'm still doing deliveries, so I can guarantee you'll get a hot pizza every time. If you don't believe me, give it a shot and I'll show you up.

[He doesn't really have much else to announce but he doesn't feel like dishing out any more flyers so he gets comfortable on the bench. He furrows his brow and hell, why not:] I'm gonna start a war and I don't even care: Pineapple on pizza, yay or nay?

( text )

[garotted]

So I need a job. I don't do the government thing, and it seems like Magnus has been an open fucking book about who we are, so you may as well know that I'm another dead teenage Viking warrior or whatever he's been telling people.

I'm probably stronger and tougher than you are, and I'm known for kicking ass first and asking questions later, so unless interns battle to the death for their positions here, office-work is probably right out.

I'd rather work for another imPort. I don't have a specific place I'm staying, so I can go anywhere if I have to.


Also, camping supplies stores, anyone know a good one?

[video]

[14words]

[When the video comes on it's pointed to the ground, then turns to a dog. A little dog, like some sort of fluffy little thing that just pants as it stares at the camera.

It inches forward. A voice is heard, extremely level and composed.] Do not.

[The dog inches forward again. The voice behind the camera remains the same.] I am taping your crimes, do you really have no shame?

[Apparently not, because the dog yaps once then starts chewing on the fairly expensive looking shoe of the camera man. The camera man sighs as a weird, distorted snort is heard behind him. He reaches down and lifts up the dog, who seems extremely pleased and starts licking his fingers.]

'So he brought the people down to the water. And the Lord said to Gideon, "You shall separate everyone who laps the water with his tongue as a dog laps, as well as everyone who kneels to drink."' [The dog keeps licking. The camera man sighs.] You don't care, I see. Very well. It isn't your place in the tapestry of fate to care.

But for the time being it is mine to make sure you do not cause harm to yourself or my shoes. [The dog wiggles out of his grip and fucks off. He sighs and shuts off the camera before giving any useful information.]

video - this time it's actually dogs

[h2no]

[orange. that's all the video shows for a moment, before a muffled] Shit, it's on already! [can be heard. then the view shifts; showing archie with a huge orange paw in his lap, while blue can be seen every now and then just out of frame.]

Ya see this? [archie puts his hand under the giant paw and holds it up so the camera shows it off a bit better. the huge bear-dog it's attached to boofs gently in... pride, probably. thems big beans.] This kinda stuff, ya gotta learn to do for free where we come from.

( snip for length )