video | backdated to fortunato's port-out

[burlyboy]

So, uh... hey. Has anyone seen Fortunato around? He didn't come home last night. And I know the whole port-out thing is on the table and it hasn't been that long, but you know the shit this place can get up to. Maybe he's just staying with friends but, uh, I'm not sure who...

[ Fortunato, do you have friends? He shakes his head. ]

Anyway. If he's been staying at one of your places or if you've heard from him, let me know. You know how it is. I worry.

video - duck! (not that kind)

[h2no]

Yo! Did you know the world record for most rubber ducks in a section of water is around thirty thousand? They were all gathered up after, not to worry, but there's also a story of a ship that had a shipping container full of 'em that broke and poured them all into the ocean. It helped people track currents all around the world! Apparently they're better at it than buoys, though it was more of a happy coincidence 'cause there's no way you could do somethin' like that ethically. Turns out tracking 350 quintillion gallons of water is pretty hard!

[he claps his hands together then shifts the camera. there is a big pool behind him.]

Anyway! I shan't waste your time with a bunch of oceanography crap-- I have something much better to show those of you laid low by the unlucky port outs of this year. [he turns to look at something off camera.] Crobat! If you will, please!

[those who recognise the noises crobat makes will... well, recognise crobat off-screen. there's some rustling of a tarp, then... rubber ducks. hundreds of them. thousands of them. they stream from somewhere elevated offscreen and into the pool, filling it up relatively quickly. archie keeps the camera focused on it all-- the stream of rubber ducks keeps going for a good minute or so. by the time it finishes, they've completely covered the surface of the pool and some of the area around it.]

That's not even all of them! [archie laughs, off camera.] Wait, there's more!

[a few more rubber ducks roll out, but what's important is archie's wailmer suddenly explodes up from underneath the ducks, settling on top of them with a happy waiiiiiii! bobbing amongst the duckies, she ducks down and blows a huge jet of water up into the air, taking a chunk of the ducks up with it. archie can be heard laughing in the duck rain, then cursing when one of them bounces off his head.]

There she blows! Any'a you people want an armful of ducks? I have over thirteen thousand. Don't ask why!