001; video

[shoubai]

Hello? Come in, come in! Aah, here we go. [ this is not the face you want to see this early in the morning. no, it's not. ]

Good morning, friends and coworkers and beautiful women! My name is Sakamoto Tatsuma, I am twenty- [ the exact number is fudged, concealed behind a thick spat of "coughing" and lies. ] years old but still young at heart.

I enjoy long walks on the ship-deck, long days on the beach, and longer nights at Snack Smile Cabaret. I can, of course, offer you an even longer night elsewhere. [ he wiggles his brow in a way that's meant to be salacious. it isn't. ] For a price.

My favourite colour is mon- [ money? was he about to say money? that's another suspicious "cough". ] you. My fav-our-ite food can be you too! Just call for Sakamossan, and keep your credit cards on hand!

[ winkwonk. he even makes a bizarre shape with his hands, something meant, at the core, to be a heart. ]

I can't wait to talk to you, and remember. Don't tell Mutsu. [ he says it with such casual desperation. how could you let that down? ]

Comments

video

[quinque]

Is that really your favorite food?

[ Human meat? Again? Why is there so much cannibalism around? Suzuya really has his work cut out for him, huh... ]

video

[shoubai]

Morning, noon or night! Front or back!

[ work hard, little death. work hard while parental ratings go down the drain

please stop this man ]

[Audio]

[hands4healing]

[There's a perplexed voice of a young woman coming through to you.]

Did you just proposition all of us for money?

audio 1/2

[shoubai]

Yes!

[shoubai]

[ ah, wait ]

No. Of course not.

video

[prostheticbody]

[The Major is wearing one of those looks that just screams 'Seriously? Seriously?']

If you're trying to make the most ridiculous first impression possible, then you've really outdone yourself.

video

[shoubai]

I aim to break the mold!

[ he sounds so proud. this is nothing to be proud about. ]

anonymous

[debauchewy]

[Man, this looks fun.]

mmm but wat do u like to do on the beach? (ㆁᴗㆁ✿)

[shoubai]

[ hot dang ]

everything

video;

[elevatorattendant]

[ Elizabeth is visibly perplexed at first, stretching her limited experience with human culture. ]

Wait, wait, I think I've got it! You must be a call girl. [ Wait. Gender. ] No, that isn't right. Call... boy? Gentleman of the night? I know there has to be a word for it.

video;

[shoubai]

[ finally

someone who sees me for who i truly am (no) ]

An escort. A fair escort of the night.

[ hand to his chest in a gesture of INTENSE EMOTION ]

text; comm tag is "Tadashi"

[tadeadshi]

[Okay he could handle this from Kirk because... Well, captain kirk but. They're really pulling in all kinds aren't they.]

I think you probably posted this to the wrong site.

[shoubai]

???
this isn't yescupid?

video;

[nagachika]

...[He can't tell. He can't tell if this guy is 100% serious or actually some sort of practical joker. The ID reads 'Motormouth', and man, is this guy living up to it. Nagachika can't help but to reply with a loud laugh and a grin, a wave of his hand--!]

And if I do tell Mutsu on you??

video; 1/2

[shoubai]

[ it comes out loud and it comes out squeaky in panic ]

No!

[shoubai]

[ cOUGH HACK COUGH ahem ]

N-now why-hy-hy would you do that? How mean!

audio;

[orangehoodie]

[This is a strangely suspicious sounding introduction. What the heck?]

Are you a cannibal?

audio;

[shoubai]

That depends on what kind of eating we're talking here.

video;

[bytwo]

[You have a full view of River's wtf face, you lucky soul, you.]

I'm not a color. [You weirdo.]

video;

[shoubai]

[ his life has been further enriched ]

Are you sure? Because when I look at you, I only see shades of l'amour.

[daintylegs]

I think all of that was as subtle and romantic as a punch to the face.

Are you in financial trouble or something?

1/2

[shoubai]

What's wrong with honesty? It's the perfect advertisement!

[incendere]

[.......]

Somehow, I doubt there are many here who would be interested in your services.

[shoubai]

Who wouldn't want all of this?

[ spoiler: no one ]

VOICE.

[mantlepieces]

How low are your standards that you think anyone outta this group of freaks would make a good sugar daddy? You'd be better off stepping into traffic and suing the first person to run you over.

[ Don't mind him, he's usually this friendly. ]

VOICE.

[shoubai]

I did consider that! But the chances of walking away with everything intact came out as too low.

[ what an inspiring ray of sunshine you are, mr. mantle ]

audio

[ferrisbuellean]

... Are you a cannibal?

audio

[shoubai]

Why does everyone keep asking that!?

Video

[kendo_taisho]

Ya know prostitution's illegal, don't ya?

Video

[shoubai]

Prostitution may be, but love is eternal. And legal.

[ text ]

[enucleation]

"Favorite food: you" isn't a very charming characteristic.

[ text ]

[shoubai]

that depends on your perspective
ive never seen a populace whove taken eating out so seriously before

video

[enustari]

[And here's Elsa, just sort of dramatically gagging at the camera.]

video

[shoubai]

[ what is that horrible, terrible sound? is that laughter? it's laughter.

despite the beautiful, award-winning gagging that's happening here, he doesn't sound phased at all. ]

Do I hear an interested party?

[ is he teasing? he's teasing. ]