03 | text

[deadtective]

I was going to apologize for throwing more inane bullshit on here, but since we're all going to be dying of plague soon I guess it's actually kind of topical. Get out while you still can, you know?

Anyway. Has anyone from an earth like this visited their home here? Was that kind of fun or just massively depressing?

And uh, I guess if the overwhelming answer is depressing I'm also taking vacation recommendations. I'm not really picky as long as it's somewhere kind of quiet and thought provoking. Someplace you can clear your head, you know?

Comments

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[deadtective]

You can always check all my conversations, if you're feeling pretty bored. Or just edit my resume for me, since I wouldn't exactly call myself lucky - I'm still looking for a job.

Well in that case, you can bet I'm going to be taking a selfie of that shit once I get there.

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[enucleation]

Were you fired from the one the government gave you?

I will be waiting for it.

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[deadtective]

Oh, no, I quit that almost as soon as I showed up. I'd rather wade through radioactive sludge than try and be a motivational speaker.

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[enucleation]

And you haven't found a job since then?

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[deadtective]

Not really, no. A friend said he might be able to help me out if I need it, but he's also the guy I thought was having an aneurysm when I first met him sooo...

It's mostly just to keep myself busy, so I haven't exactly been pushing too hard.

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[enucleation]

Interesting friend, then. Maybe the job he would be able to get you is also as interesting.

Well, do you want help with your curriculum? I was a literature student, I can make nice professional texts if required.

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[deadtective]

That's kind of what I'm afraid of.

I sure won't say no to free help! But I do have to warn you that my previous experience is either weird as fuck or nonexistent.

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[enucleation]

I understand why.

I'll try to make the text as pretty as I can, I promise.

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[deadtective]

Nothing lures future employers into a false sense of security more than a fancy typeface. Are you sure you don't actually have a doctorate in this stuff?

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[enucleation]

It's a dog eat dog world, the world of employment and job searching. You have to do your best, or at least make it look like you do.

Only the first year in literature. But I can pretend to have a doctorate too.

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[deadtective]

Well as we both know, there is no one better at lying than me. At least I've got that part covered, and if you start bluffing too we'll be unbeatable.

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[enucleation]

I'm sure this will go amazingly.

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[deadtective]

How could it not? We both have everything waaaay too together for anything else to happen.

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[enucleation]

Of course. I bet our employer won't regret it either.

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[deadtective]

Not if they're any good. They're getting a real bargain here, they should be grateful!

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[enucleation]

A bargain?

I do have to wonder.

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[deadtective]

Leave the wondering to everyone else and just keep pushing it. By the time they start to have doubts we'll be in too deep to fire.

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[enucleation]

It seems like you have grand plans.

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[deadtective]

Well, you know what they say. Reach for the stars and all that bullshit.