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[heavyhitter]

ok so last year i was probably too drunk to ask about this but THIS YEAR someones gotta solve the mystery for me
so 4th of july is fuck yeah suck it mom to england, right, everyone knows that
but whats the fireworks
u cant tell me u won and someone happened to have a bunch of fireworks in his pocket and got a great idea
so whered it come from??? does it represent blowing up england because i dont think u did that. does it represent blowing up the us?? i dont think that happened either but maybe, my history is rusty

also if ur english do u just walk around feeling real annoyed today? or maybe real smug like yeah thanks for the reminder about the bullet we dodged

also also is anyone making burgers today, if so i wanna invite myself to ur party

Comments

[deadtective]

Be an awfully gray spice, wouldn't it? I don't think that Multicolor Prison Redecoration Act got passed yet.

[heavyhitter]

its ok ill bring my own color

[deadtective]

You're gonna have to dye your hair really fast, then.

[heavyhitter]

what do u think, red?

[deadtective]

Nah, that's too obvious. Go with electric blue or something.

[heavyhitter]

ooo i like that
ok sold, next up is the full body tattoos

[deadtective]

Alright, that's a little more difficult. Are you trying to intimidate your bunkmates or do you just want the most explosively obnoxious sleeves you can get?

[heavyhitter]

do you think both is unreasonable

[deadtective]

You could probably get away with technicolor monster blood, honestly.

[heavyhitter]

yeah ok that doable
u really can't go wrong with technicolored gore and murder right

[deadtective]

Rainbows and pastels make a lot of shit acceptable, it's kind of weird.

[heavyhitter]

maybe add in some unicorns stabbing people
im gonna look great, ill be my own party where ever i go

[deadtective]

Nix the unicorns, that implies you're only into nailing virgins and that gets kind of weird in prison. You want some fucking narwhals with bows on their horns.

[heavyhitter]

hey fuck u unicorns and violence go great together
but ok fine narwhals sounds cooler i guess

[deadtective]

Unicorns and violence, yeah. Not so much when the violent unicorns are implying unfortunate sexual fetishes.

Narwhals are great though, it's a way better choice. Nobody knows why they have those fucking horns and they're giant whales so you can just throw Captain Ahab on that sleeve and no one'll give you any shit for it.

[heavyhitter]

this is gonna be some weird tattoos

[deadtective]

You just have no artistic vision.

[heavyhitter]

i have GREAT artistic vision
u just refuse to eat any food i make

[deadtective]

That has nothing to do with what we're talking about at all, wow. Also it's because I'm waaaaay too fond of life outside hospital walls to give it up.

[heavyhitter]

wah wah im an asshole that hates food made with love thats all i hear

[deadtective]

Says the asshole who'd rather have a friend endanger her life by eating something she is physically incapable of than be a sad sack and eat all her ugly food alone.

I bet you don't even know what love is, let alone how to put it into a meal.

[heavyhitter]

no i have never heard of love please explain this foreign concept to me

[deadtective]

Ok, well. When a man loves a woman very very much




he doesn't repeatedly attempt to kill her just to stroke his own ego.

[heavyhitter]

ur a terrible instructor ive learned nothing

[deadtective]

It's not my fault there's a black hole where your heart should be.