♻ 004 | audio

[tucky]

Hey.

Right now I'm seeing a lot of people - or I guess just a couple of people - talking about their friends leaving. You know, getting ported out. And what I'm wondering is, is there a way to make it so that doesn't happen? 'Cause I wanna avoid it, if I can; I actually really like it here a lot, and I wanna stay. I got my apartment, and my job, and people who are kind to me - like Raina, Traci, Dr. Chilton, Toro, Jesse, Ramír... and lots more, probably.

[A good half of the people she's named have clued into how easily led she is and are using her for their own nefarious purposes. She has absolutely no idea.]

And, I mean, I can't be the only person who feels like that, right? Do any of y'all agree with me? 'Cause a lot of people seem happy here. It's a fucking nice world we're in. Nicer than where I'm from, that's for damn sure.

If I could just stay here forever, I think I would.

Comments

[tucky]

You're sorry?

You ain't judging me?

[hostage]

Somebody already judged you. I don't think there's a point in me adding to it.

[tucky]

... Guess not.

Thank you.

[hostage]

That's nothing to thank me for.

[tucky]

Yes it is. I haven't told most people 'cause I think they'd judge me.

[hostage]

Maybe they would.

[And maybe they'd be right to. He doesn't know what she did to get there, after all. He might also judge her if he did. But if there was any real justice in the world, he'd be executed by now. He's hardly in a position to be delivering sermons.]

In rehab, they told us... Judgment, guilt, hatred... That stuff's just noise. It gets in the way of making a real change.

[Words that enraged him, but he'll offer them anyway. He's inclined to think she could use the comfort.]

[tucky]

[And they do help, a little, even if she's also sort of skeptical.]

What if I got a lot of guilt? It's hard to just let that stuff go.

[hostage]

[He gives a short, mirthless laugh.]

I have no idea. I never really got it down, either.

I guess you're supposed to atone. Do something good for the world.

[tucky]

... I'm kinda doing that here, right? Being a hero, working at the drug clinic.

[hostage]

Exactly, yeah.

[tucky]

... Okay. Okay, yeah. I can do this. Move on from guilt.

You think I got to tell people the shit I did? Admit and atone? Or can I keep it a secret?

[hostage]

Shit, I can't tell you what to do.

It might help to get it off your chest. Or it might just get a lotta people pissed off at you. Technically, the only person they say you're supposed to come clean to is the person you hurt in the first place, but I guess they're probably not here, right?

If you wanted to tell me, just to unload, I promise I wouldn't tell anybody else.

[tucky]

... I like you. You're a really good friend. I don't want you hating me or nothing.

[hostage]

No pressure, Tiff. Tell me or don't. It ain't really my business. But I don't think I'd hate you, either way.

[private]

[tucky]

I've killed people before.

[private]

[hostage]

[A more severe crime than he was expecting, but still...]

That's not so unusual around here.

[private]

[tucky]

It's not?

[private]

[hostage]

Let's just say I know way more murderers here than not-murderers.

[private] cw: pregnancy/miscarriage

[tucky]

I killed six people, Jesse. Or seven, if miscarrying a baby's murder.

[Yeah, she's fallen into some strange ideas in the past few years.]

[private] cw: pregnancy/miscarriage

[hostage]

[Again, worse than he expected. Before he addresses the rest, though, he has to interject quickly on that last point:]

- Hey, it's not. Okay? Losing a baby doesn't mean you killed it.

[private] cw: pregnancy/miscarriage

[tucky]

There's people who think it is.

[private] cw: pregnancy/miscarriage

[hostage]

They're wrong.

It's something that happened to you, not something you did.

[private] cw: pregnancy/miscarriage

[tucky]

Killing babies in all ways is pretty bad. I'm damned for it.

[private] cw: pregnancy/miscarriage

[hostage]

Killing babies would be bad, if that's what you did. But it isn't. You were pregnant and then you weren't anymore, and that's nobody's fault. That's just nature.

[private] cw: abortion

[tucky]

Five of the other people I killed were babies, too. I got 'em pulled out when they was still inside me.

I'm like a serial killer, kind of.