04 | text

[deadtective]

[alright, maybe this isn't entirely a text post. it starts out with a video, which is surprising considering who it's coming from - but there's no need to be excited, as the camera is filming nothing but sky. when an unseen person suddenly slaps a piece of paper down on top of the lens, even the hand is obscured by what's being shown. Hazel knows what she's on about.

the paper in question is a freshly minted detective's license bearing the name of one Hazel Lockwood. it sits there for several moments, like she wants everyone to drink it in, before Hazel cuts the feed and switches over to text.]

Well everyone, here it is: proof that they will let you do literally anything regardless of how well qualified you are so long as you're an imPort.

Which is to say, I'm now licensed as a detective in two worlds. If I get arrested after today, it'll be for something amazingly dramatic in the line of duty instead of bureaucratic bullshit. I think that's a fair trade.

If anyone needs any investigative work done, I'm ready to take on what I'm sure will be the total deluge of offers. I have no business cards and no way to verify any of my skills, but what I do have are flexible morals and a full twenty-four hours available to me thanks to insomnia. I only take cash.

Any complaints can be shunted off to Kaneki for enabling me to pass that goddamn test in the first place. Speaking of, Kaneki!!! I do actually have a thank you gift!! But you need to fill out a survey first.

Also obligatory hello to the new people, if only because you're clogging up the network again. I'm not someone anyone wants to know, but it feels a little silly to ignore you guys. So, hey! :D

Comments

[rathercommon]

You know that there's not much use in keeping it secret here.

[deadtective]

Which is why I'm not. You're just really upset that someone can't sleep for perfectly normal reasons.

[rathercommon]

Do I seem upset?

[deadtective]

Considering the absolute refusal to believe what I'm saying about myself, yeah.

[rathercommon]

No...Believe me, you know when I'm upset. There's a LOT of cursing, and I get AWFULLY hurtful. I'd probably insult your hair or something. Or at the very least scold you. No...Honestly, the only thing I am is a bit worried for you.

[deadtective]

I'd actually like to see you try that, considering you've never actually seen my hair.

[Hazel that's not the thing to be curious about, FOCUS]

Look, though, there's nothing to worry about. I've been dealing with this for a while and I know my limits. I'm not going to pass out and fall off a fucking bridge or anything.

[rathercommon]

That's not my worry.

[deadtective]

I'm not hallucinating either. Or anything else you might be thinking of, so really, it's alright.

[rathercommon]

Or that.

[deadtective]

Well I tacked on my disclaimer to the end, so I don't need to go fishing for your reason. Whatever it is, I've got a grip on it.

[rathercommon]

Yeah, you haven't, though.

[deadtective]

I think between the two of us I'm the authority on that topic.

[rathercommon]

Oh, yeah, cause people are always REALLY honest about themselves and their needs. Perfect self-awareness, that's what we've all got.

[deadtective]

Considering right now my competition is a girl who only knows my name, some of my medical history, and the fact that my world is full of bullshit...yeah, I think you can comparably say I know the most about my own needs.

[rathercommon]

Ugh, whatever. Look, I hope you at least have some people you talk to openly about it. You should ask them if they think you ought to keep it secret.

[deadtective]

I assure you I discuss all my imaginary problems with my friends at least once a week. They're pretty damn supportive.

[rathercommon]

Fine. Brilliant.