04 | text

[deadtective]

[alright, maybe this isn't entirely a text post. it starts out with a video, which is surprising considering who it's coming from - but there's no need to be excited, as the camera is filming nothing but sky. when an unseen person suddenly slaps a piece of paper down on top of the lens, even the hand is obscured by what's being shown. Hazel knows what she's on about.

the paper in question is a freshly minted detective's license bearing the name of one Hazel Lockwood. it sits there for several moments, like she wants everyone to drink it in, before Hazel cuts the feed and switches over to text.]

Well everyone, here it is: proof that they will let you do literally anything regardless of how well qualified you are so long as you're an imPort.

Which is to say, I'm now licensed as a detective in two worlds. If I get arrested after today, it'll be for something amazingly dramatic in the line of duty instead of bureaucratic bullshit. I think that's a fair trade.

If anyone needs any investigative work done, I'm ready to take on what I'm sure will be the total deluge of offers. I have no business cards and no way to verify any of my skills, but what I do have are flexible morals and a full twenty-four hours available to me thanks to insomnia. I only take cash.

Any complaints can be shunted off to Kaneki for enabling me to pass that goddamn test in the first place. Speaking of, Kaneki!!! I do actually have a thank you gift!! But you need to fill out a survey first.

Also obligatory hello to the new people, if only because you're clogging up the network again. I'm not someone anyone wants to know, but it feels a little silly to ignore you guys. So, hey! :D

Comments

[deadtective]

Yes.

[tuxedo_magician]

They aren't supposed to be some sort of cuffs, are they? Because honestly, what sort of magician would I be if I couldn't get out of a set of handcuffs?

[deadtective]

I thought you were a jewel thief, not a magician. Make up your mind!!

[tuxedo_magician]

I'm both, Tantei-chan~

[deadtective]

Well, you know what they say about people with multiple careers like that...

[tuxedo_magician]

It's not so much having multiple careers in so much as combining them.

[deadtective]

You were that asshole who did the 'custom major' in college, weren't you.

[tuxedo_magician]

[Ahahah. He hasn't even gone yet. The wonders of still being a high school student.]

Well, I'm not sure one can major in thievery and magic in college, but if they could, it would be more like a double major.

[deadtective]

I don't know, 'thievery and magic' sounds like an alternate title for college in general. You'd probably be fine.

[tuxedo_magician]

Perhaps I'll graduate with academic honors then!

[deadtective]

Eh, that's expensive. You'll have to haul off the entire Louvre to finance it.

[tuxedo_magician]

Oooo, that sounds like a wonderful challenge, actually.

[deadtective]

Consider it your capstone project.

[tuxedo_magician]

I will!

Does this mean you'll attend my graduation, Tantei-chan~?

[deadtective]

No. As a college dropout I'm bitter and prejudiced against everyone who actually manages to finish.

[tuxedo_magician]

Here or back home?

[deadtective]

Back home. I am waaay too lazy to even think about that shit here.

[tuxedo_magician]

I wouldn't call being a detective being lazy, Tantei-chan~

[deadtective]

You haven't seen the way I do the job, then.

[tuxedo_magician]

No, I have not. But now I'm intrigued.

[deadtective]

The best mysteries in life are the ones we never solve, so get used to all that intrigue and no conclusion.

[tuxedo_magician]

So... you're basically calling yourself Hakuba then.

Good to know.

[deadtective]

You know what, sure. Why the fuck not? Hakuba fucking Matata.

[tuxedo_magician]

Well, Hakuba is one of the detectives that likes to believe that he can catch me.

The British Bastard hasn't come close. Not even once.

[deadtective]

Never heard of long range tactics, huh.