maskormenace | 002; audio

Right. Okay. Getting settled in, getting used to the whole "trapped in a new dimension" thing, it's cool. New planet, new house, new body. It's all good!

Except, you know, when it's not. [there's a great, big, dramatic sigh.] Alright, alright, let's get this over with. Long story short, I need somebody who's at least as good with computers with me -- a literal computer, just in case I haven't been clear, here -- to take a look at my systems. You know, just make sure everything is synced up and running smoothly, since I don't know much about interdimensional software compatibility. Maybe get some of this sensory input beyond the basics, while we're at it? Pretty much all I've got is sight and sound, as is. [and somehow, he manages to grumble while simultaneously sounding dejected:] Man, I really wanted to try like, tasting stuff. Food seems frickin great.

[aaaand back on track.] Right, so. What's in it for you? Well, first of all, it's probably the opportunity of a lifetime, or something. I don't know, what are the standard rates for a diagnostic? What is it, like, hourly? I don't know, look, I'll like. Get you a coffee for your trouble, or something.

And before somebody tries to get all smart with that "doctor heal thyself" bullshit, think for a minute about what a terrible goddam idea that would be for brain surgery. Just because I am a program, doesn't mean I can fix one. [given that the last time he tried to mess with his own settings, it... it didn't go well.] Would you want to screw around in your own skull when the damage might be permanent? Yeah. Yeah, didn't think so.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll say! Oh my gosh, this explains so much.

[... actually sorta taken off guard with that one.] Does it? Like what?

The armor! It's cause you don't have real human-type bodies, right? So you gotta wear the armor-- or I guess like, be the armor? And why the codenames are a thing! If you're computers you don't have people names.

Right? Is that right? I am a thousand percent guessing.

[... you know what? close enough.] Yeah, actually. Not so much for my friends, but that's my whole deal.

[there's a sizable pause, before he follows up with] That's why I'm the president.

Cause you're a super smart computer? That's a pretty good reason to be president.

As long as you follow the Three Laws. You follow the Three Laws, right?

Edited 2015-07-29 05:36 (UTC)

Isn't it? See, you're pretty sharp. Most of them don't even appreciate me.

[... oh, god. this planet is from before there were actual robots to observe and document? this may be a slight. cultural communication problem.] Yeah, yeah. Sure. Uh, a body at rest tends to stay at rest. Right? Cause I follow that one.

No! No no! The Three Laws of Robotics, Asimov's Laws! Y'know, "A robot may not injure a human being or allow a human being to come to harm." and whatever.

It's what makes super smart robots not evil.

[She's not exactly a space nerd, but she is definitely a scifi nerd. Her parent's named her Ripley, for god's sake, scifi is a family biz.]

Oh! Uh, right. Yeah. Totally. Just like doctors, right?

Kinda!

But I'm gonna guess if you don't know what they are you don't have to follow them?

Hey! I totally know what they are! I was just. You know. Testing you. To find out whether you know the Three Big Rules.

I'm no robo-fool!

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