✚ 001. [voice]

[puppydoctor]

[It would be really, really nice to just go one day without a reminder that none of this is normal. Like a patient noticing the glowing tattoo and looking uncomfortable. Or having a full-blown panic attack on the way to work, just because a bus passed him by.

Or a bedpan filling itself up with hot coffee on his last day of work as a nurse.]

It turns out "infinite coffee" is somehow the actual most annoying superpower ever.

[There's a shuffle and the sound of water running. He's attempting to get the worst of the coffee off of the stain, while the scalded skin underneath quickly heals itself. Another reminder.]

What's the policy on disappearing into anonymity here? 'Cause I just wanted to rest in peace, not live out a comic book. I don't even want Heaven after all this, Purgatory would be fine. I was a good Catholic kid.

[Until he stopped believing in God, committed adultery, and got divorced.]

I lived - live - to help people. I joined the army back home to help people, and that's all I want to do here, with my afterlife. But I'm tired. Death is tiring, and I just want to be Mr. Nobody who goes to work and comes home from work and gets a couple of drinks with his friends. I don't want to be a hero to anybody's world.

... But if I'm going to be, I need to know what the hell you tell yourself to keep going. I don't have anywhere to get back to. This is my only world now, and I don't know if that makes me part of it, or if I'll be an outsider forever, but I need to hear it. I know I'm not the only undead guy walking around without a purpose.

Comments

[coppelganger]

Sorry. Guess I should've said something before you agreed to go out with me.

[puppydoctor]

Sarah. It doesn't matter to me, okay? I don't have a problem with complicated.

[coppelganger]

[ If you only knew how complicated things can get in Sarahverse, George. ]

If you say so.

[puppydoctor]

I do say so. One hundred percent. Just throw your complicated at me, I can take it.

[coppelganger]

[ Well, at least that gets her to laugh. ]

Jesus, listen to us. It's like we're in a soap opera right now.

[puppydoctor]

[He groans dramatically.]

Oh man, not again. I thought I was past that part of my life.

[coppelganger]

That's what your early twenties are for, yeah?

[puppydoctor]

If twenty-eight counts as early, then yeah.

[coppelganger]

Wait, how old are you?

[puppydoctor]

Twenty-nine...

[Suddenly nervous!]

[coppelganger]

Oh.

[ She sounds teasing now. ]

See, you've just got a very young face. I was thinking you were maybe 27.

[puppydoctor]

[He smiles, relieved she didn't think he was, like. 23. Which has probably happened.]

I get that a lot. And worse.

[coppelganger]

Yeah? What's the lowest you've gotten?

[puppydoctor]

I got carded at my med school graduation party.

[coppelganger]

[ She laughs. ]

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

[puppydoctor]

[Goal achieved.]

And how old are you? I'm guessing around the same?

[coppelganger]

I'm 35, mate.

[puppydoctor]

Well that's good, because I lied - I'm actually 37.

[Said with so much gravity.]

[coppelganger]

Don't lie. I know you're at least 40.

[puppydoctor]

Okay, so I get the senior citizen discount in the hospital caf.

[coppelganger]

Now that's hot.

[puppydoctor]

I knew you'd think so, you gold-digger.

[coppelganger]

[ That's enough to make her quit kidding around, not that she'd say anything about it to him. ]

I'm 28.

[puppydoctor]

[A bit of an abrupt end, but George still just smiles into the audio feed.]

You had me going there for a minute. I think it was the "mate". Really convincing.

[coppelganger]

Oh, come on, that was nothing.

[ And then it's like her entire voice transforms, and she's suddenly speaking in a different accent (generic American/Canadian) and a different cadence, something that sounds like this. ]

What if I told you I'm not even English?