maskormenace | [Video]

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[Duncan looks like a perfectly ordinary Earth dude, if you ignore the fact that he's dressed in some fancy looking leather armour that makes him look like he walked straight out of a fantasy MMO. Mostly what's visible is the gold mantle of his cape and a black hood, both trimmed with white. He's got the hood pulled up, but it doesn't hide his face. Behind him, you can see the obvious decor of a bar.]

So, I would be doing this over text, but apparently good keyboard layouts and slide-out keyboard phones haven't been invented yet and this is too fucking urgent for me to have the patience for that shit.

[deep breath, intense look into the camera]

How the fuck are you supposed to get drunk with a healing factor in the way?

I timed it. I fucking timed it! Three shots, completely sober in five minutes. [he holds up five fingers to emphasize that] Five minutes! That's fucking ridiculous! How am I supposed to live like this?!

[With a frustrated groan, he sets the phone down against the table; the picture goes black and stays that way for a few seconds.]

[then he lifts it back up and gives the camera a more subdued, resigned look]

Heimdall, by the way. Welcome to here, me, I guess.

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You could always commit a crime and have your powers nullified by the government.

[^_^]

[THE HEAVIEST SIGH.

and then wait actually that's kind of useful information]

Wait, they can do that?

I don't think any power is worth that side effect.

[Kang looks horrified.]

Right?! At least back home I could--

[wait.

wait, is that a fucking dragon?]

Holy shit, are you a fucking dragon?

[DUNCAN THAT IS RUDE. there's the 'oh, shit' face immediately followed by guilty backpedaling]

Fuck, sorry, I mean, uh-- It's just-- I've never-- I mean, sorry if that's an offensive term or anything...

[He snorts softly and lifts one eyeridge in amusement. It happens so often he doesn't even feel that twinge of discomfort anymore.]

Draconian, actually. Created from dragons.

[Automatic clarification because everyone always asks what the difference is.]

Well met, Heimdall. My name is Kang.

They can. I would advise against any that involve assault or murder, as it will be difficult to establish yourself in the community if you do so, but something like a robbery should be sufficient.

[This is all stated in a perfectly neutral tone of voice, like he's talking about what bus line you should take to get downtown. yEAH. have fun with this one, Duncan.]

Well shit, I already spent a night in jail for breaking into a library once, might as well throw another one on the pile.

But, uh, is that permanent or...

Draconian. Okay. Cool. [glances away, nervously drums his fingers on the bar for a second or two, looks back] I don't wanna assume, so uh... Mister, Miss, Other...?

[Kang laughs, pleasantly surprised.]

Male. Just call me Kang.

[Is that all, Sai nearly got arrested on his first day here for pulling a sword on someone who had the unfortunate idea of pantsing the weird new kid.]

Not at all. Even outright attacking a swear-in only seems to get you a few months, so take that as you will.

[Which is absurd and he doesn't know how the government hasn't collapsed from the weight of its own incompetency tbh, but hey, it's not his problem.]

[slight smile, a little uncertain. that's a good laugh, right? let's just assume that was a good laugh.]

Sure thing. Uh, male for me too. I mean, obviously, probably, but it doesn't hurt to clarify. [UGH HE SOUNDS LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT RIGHT NOW PROBABLY. please ignore him, Kang. ignore everything. let's start over and pretend none of that happened.]

[cue starting over like none of that happened] A-anyway! I'm glad somebody understands because this is a Very Serious Problem, how the hell am I supposed to cope with being here if I can't drink it away?

['is that all' SADLY YES. EVEN HE THINKS IT WAS A STUPID REASON TO SPEND A NIGHT IN JAIL.]

A few months, ha ha, wow... [he reaches up to rub the bridge of his nose, nervously glancing away] I'm... you know what, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with sacrificing a healing factor for quite that long.

[healing magic has been a very reliable safety net for him since he first got it, and he is VERY afraid of the possibility of death...]

It is a very serious problem, yes.

[A pause as he thinks it over for a moment.]

I'm sure there's an imPort or two around here that could come up with a solution.

[Hah. Solution. Alcohol. That's his favorite Earth joke.]

As long as it's an alcoholic solution, ha ha... haaa... Ah. [that starts with a smile but fades to an 'i can't believe i just said that'] Chemistry jokes...

[Judging you a lil bit tbh.]

I see. In that case, buy alcohol and sneak it into the prison. All powers are nullified there.

Edited (WOW READING COMPREHENSION) 2015-11-08 03:41 (UTC)

[stare]

Well that doesn't solve the problem that I would still not have the ability to heal myself while I was there.

I don't understand. If you left the building, you would resume the capability of healing yourself. The ability to passively heal yourself necessarily implies an inability to become intoxicated. So before you arrived here, I presume healing yourself would take active concentration, correct? It's not particularly different from actively leaving the building to resume your passive healing ability.

Though if you foresee yourself somehow becoming gravely wounded to the point of being unable to move in that span of time, you could always take someone with you to carry you outside, if necessary.

Edited 2015-11-08 03:54 (UTC)

[He could get to like this guy.]

It wouldn't hurt to ask around. In the meantime, I suppose you could do what I do: keep yourself busy enough that you won't think about your situation too much.

[quietly...arches eyebrow...

son u weird]

Yeah, I uh. I could cast heals, like...like a video game cleric? I mean I basically...was...one... Am one. Sort of.

Anyway prison is not an optimal solution to this problem, I'd rather have my freedom than the ability to get drunk, you know?

...Surely there are other things in life worth living for.

[ Said very, very dryly. ]

You don't. Get drunk. Whether or not you live with it, not my problem.

[It's a sad fact of life he's had to live with for as long as he can remember.]

Whatever is going to happen to the bifrost now that you're here?

[sigh. he sets an elbow on the bar, chin in hand, frowns at the camera]

Yeah, there's always that. What kind of shit is there to keep busy with around here? I mean besides these...fuckin'...jobs they assign us.

[and there is some anger sneaking into his expression now] They have all this info on us and they can't even fucking give me a job in my field, what a bunch of assholes. [aaand it is no longer even a little bit subtle, that anger] I have a fucking genetics degree, assholes! You can't even make me a lab tech? Jesus Christ, these people are more incompetent than my own America's government!

Edited 2015-11-08 04:15 (UTC)

Are there, though?

Are there really.

[he's...he's joking. probably.]

[the weirdest]

What is a "video game cleric"? [Healers in Narutoverse are just called medical ninjas ok.]

I'm not suggesting that you get yourself incarcerated. Pretend you are there to visit someone. Find a way to get the alcohol past security. Leave when you no longer wish to be intoxicated.

[Oops he's starting to sound a little impatient now.]

Otherwise, I believe there are still some psychic imPorts present. They could likely recreate the experience of being intoxicated for you in place of the physical effects.

It can be... hit or miss on the given jobs. De Chima is your best bet for finding something in your expertise.

[...huh. His head tilts to one side slightly.]

Your clothing is more like what I would see on a human from my world than from the sort of world you speak of.

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