001 | video

[fayzedandconfused]

[ Holy jittercam, Batman. When the video feed clicks on, whoever's manning the communicator is moving it so quickly that at first it's difficult to see what's being filmed. After a couple seconds, the blur of colors settles into a skinny young girl, sprawled on her bed, lollipop stick poking out of her mouth. Judging by how smoothly the communicator's filming now, she must have set it down onto some kind of hard surface.

Brianna pops the lollipop out of her mouth in order to speak. ]

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You are so lucky, and I'll tell you why. You're in the presence of a bona fide superhero. "But Breeze!" I hear you saying, or typing, or whatever. "We're all superheroes!" Well, not really. Because I don't know about you, but since I got here I've been hearing people whining about how imPorts here don't want to fight crime. Blah, blah. I'm not here to shame anyone. Not all of us are up to that kind of life.

[ In goes the lollipop. Out comes the lollipop. ]

That's where I come in. I'm offering my services to help you out with whatever you need. Fight a baddie? I can do that. Deliver some vitally important message? You got it ASAP. Clean your messy room? I can get that done in about thirty seconds. All I ask for in return is a pair of size six sneakers, or some cash. I don't even care what they look like or what brand they are or how much you pay, as long as it's not a total rip-off.

[ She reaches for the camera again and after another dizzying second of jittercam, the video is pointing at a pair of the rattiest, most falling-apart shoes you've ever seen someone wear. ]

See, that? That's the one crappy thing about having super speed. [ Well, one of them, anyway. Brianna flips the communicator so it's aimed at her face again, then grins widely. ] So, yeah. I hope this can be the start of a wonderful business relationship.

[ A pause. ] Oh, right. And if anyone can tell me what a lifestyle advisor is supposed to do, that would be cool.

[ And then, signing off, she winks. ]

Comments

voice;

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind takes a little offense at this. Mostly because it seems like absolute bollocks that there's a power to run away extraordinarily quickly, and here it's gone to someone who isn't even going to use it properly.

He's a bit jealous.]

A super-hero? Honestly? You're - you're like twelve, aren't you, you've got your whole life ahead of you, why in the world would you waste it on something like that?

video;

[fayzedandconfused]

I'm thirteen.

[ And considering her "superhero" work got her killed just a couple days ago, his comment stings. ]

It's not a waste.

video;

[wizzardly]

I'm just saying there are a lot less dangerous things a young person with your talents could be doing, and still be worthwhile. - Farming, maybe. Think of how quickly you could feed the chickens and little - little rabbits and things. [he has never actually been to a farm.] Or you could work in a library! Gosh, you'd be able to shelve the bookcases in no time at all...

[fayzedandconfused]

[ She quints. ]

Do you need someone to do farm stuff for you?

Voice

[mammal_robot]

Shouldn't you be in school? I swear I remember hearing that young imports still had to go to school.

video;

[fayzedandconfused]

Maybe I don't believe in school.

[mammal_robot]

That's ridiculous, how are you going to get anywhere in life without an education?

[fayzedandconfused]

I learn by doing!

[ That's legit, right? ]

[video]

[helladoomed]

[Chloe just looks so amused. At least the kid is making some progress here...]

Superhero-for-hire, huh?

video;

[fayzedandconfused]

I know what I'm good at.

video;

[helladoomed]

Apparently.

[She had to admit, the girl was fast.]

This mean you're giving up on the school idea?

[fayzedandconfused]

For now.

[ She heaves a dramatic sigh. ] I mean, I just died like two days ago, don't I get a break?

video

[glitterateur]

I think a lifestyle advisor is somebody who gives pep talks! But also tells people when their houses are ugly and their jobs are boring.

video;

[fayzedandconfused]

Oh. Okay, I can do that. No problem.

[glitterateur]

That's the job they gave you when you came out of the porter, right? Are you really gonna do it?

[fayzedandconfused]

Yeah? I think it'd be kind of fun.

voice;

[nostalgiabomb]

I'm pretty sure a lifestyle advisor is someone who, like, tells people how to live their lives. Like backseat driving, only instead of driving, you're yelling at someone who's just existing.

And also? I'm concerned that they assigned you to the job, considering you're, like, six years old.

video;

[fayzedandconfused]

I'm thirteen, excuse you. And I'm used to having a job. I can do all that, easy. [ Especially the judging part. ]

permavoice;

[nostalgiabomb]

Well, sure, anyone can be all judgey but does a five-year-old-- [ she literally just said she was thirteen, quill ] --really have enough practical experience to be someone's life coach?

[dumbfound]

[ What a bummer about the shoes. What if you get a really nice pair and they fall apart fast? :( That's a sad thought to him.

He gets side tracked from it by her question t hough. ]

.... How do you advise lifestyles?

[fayzedandconfused]

[ It is really tragic, the shoes thing. ]

It's when you judge how people live and tell them what to do better. Apparently.

[dumbfound]

That seems like it's a lot of work, and also really rude for a job.

text

[superposition]

Try talking to Cisco Ramon about the shoes. I seem to recall he developed something friction-resistant for speedsters like yourself.

text;

[fayzedandconfused]

seriously? that would be sweet

[superposition]

Mm-hm. Could I ask you a favor, though?