VOICE || Terran calendars 101

[kicksomegrass]

Okay. [ There's no preamble, no introduction. Just Rocket's unmistakable voice, sounding as irritated as ever. ] I thought I had a pretty good handle on the way you Terrans did your calendar. Earth rotates around its axis: day. Earth rotates around the sun: year. Pretty standard. All the stuff in between is chopped up inta arbitrary "months" that don't make much sense, but hey, ya stick on every wall and on the communicators so at least I can kinda keep track.

It ain't perfect. Kind of annoying, but I don't expect a whole lot from you Terrans anyway.

That said, how the hell did I end up missin' a month and a half?

Last I looked it was all trees and snow and... "kris-mas". [ The air quotes are practically audible. ] Now it's all red and pink and... and kinda an assault on the senses, honestly. What is with you people? Somebody fill me in here.

[ There's a bit of a pause, and he seems to be ending it there. Until, as an afterthought, he adds: ]

Quill, you better still have my stuff or I'm gonna kick your ass.

Comments

[enucleation]

You can try to build your own Porter. I just don't think it's wise to get rid of the only way we have home right now, even if it's unpredictable.

[kicksomegrass]

It's gotta bring in more people than it sends out, and that's not helping anybody.

[enucleation]

No, actually, that's not true.

In any case, the AI possessing the Porter seems to know to protect it. If anyone tries to shut it down, it'll fight back.

[kicksomegrass]

Wait, wait. Back up, Snowball. Whaddya mean it's possessed?

[enucleation]

[ snow.......ball........

ok moving on ]

Nobody told you? [ OH BOY. ] The Porter existed before we arrived here and it worked rather well. No getting stuck, people decided if they wanted to come or leave.

But one day, an artificial intelligence being from a world that was on verge of destruction, sneaked inside the Porter and took over. Her name is Lachesis.

[kicksomegrass]

[ Enjoy that new nickname because that's literally all he's gonna call you. ]

So what's her deal? Is she just too cozy and doesn't wanna leave?

[enucleation]

[ raccoon pls ]

We don't really know. Lachesis decided never to speak to us. However, sometime back, she left the Porter and went missing. Another AI replaced her and we have no idea who that is or what do they want.

[kicksomegrass]

Sheesh. No wonder this whole system is a disaster.

This new AI pulls people in and out like the old one did, I’m guessing. No new patterns or anything?

[enucleation]

People usually start to arrive at the beginning for the month. No communication from the AI whatsoever, and often aggressive if anyone tries to mess with it.

Those are the patterns.

[kicksomegrass]

[ He snorts. ] That gives us exactly zero information.

Could this situation get any more convoluted and shitty?

[enucleation]

It's annoyingly complicated. We all know that.