[ video ]

[tweaker]

[No, that's not Eminem. That's Jesse Pinkman, just two years younger but looking more like ten years younger (because the meth business will really do a number on you).]

Yo, okay. Maybe you guys can explain something to me, 'cause I been trying to be all open-minded about this shit but I'm starting to get the feeling I'm on an episode of Punk'd or something.

Help me out: If superpowers are real, how come I don't fucking got any?

I been trying, you know? Not jumping off any buildings to see if I can fly, 'cause I'm not retarded, but like... If we're in Comic Book Land now, I feel like I oughta see some evidence, yo. Where's the TK? Where's the laser eyes? Do I gotta go radioactivate my ass first? Somebody point me in the direction of the nearest toxic waste dump.

Come on, don't tell me I'm the only guy having this problem around here.

Comments

[textualhealing]

[Oh my God. Wat. What is this? It's so painful.]

Wow, Slim Shady, the early 2000s called, they want their baggy pants back.

[ricin]

Oh, very funny. I definitely haven't heard that, like, a million times before.

[textualhealing]

You know, if you find your home, there's a whole bunch of clothing that'll actually fit you.

[tweaker]

My clothes fit me fine, grandpa. And everybody better knock it off with this creepy shit about me being here before. My home's in Albuquerque. You're thinking of somebody else.

[textualhealing]

[Ignoring that grandpa dig, tyvm.]

If everyone is saying it, don't you think there might be some truth to it?

[ricin]

You know what makes a ton more sense than that? Candid Camera.

[textualhealing]

Dang, you got us, Slim. We've actually worked out how to use dimensional travel, nanites, hover cars and super powers all so you could get Punk'd.

[tweaker]

Hey, the special effects are tight and it's a real great set you guys built here. I'm honored, seriously.

[textualhealing]

It was a pretty big strategical nightmare getting you unconscious long enough to drag you to Florida, but we managed it. You'll probably find all these actors are gonna be pretty determined to convince you otherwise though. They may try to tell you this is all real, but you and I both know you're actually just in one big set up. One really, really expensive and convincing set up, where you of all people are the target.

[ricin]

Don't be a dick.

[textualhealing]

Hey, I'm just pointing out the logistics if this were a prank.

[tweaker]

It still makes more sense than alternate universe and time travel and superpowers.

[textualhealing]

Point, and I agree, but I've been here like... a year now. Never really makes sense though.

[ricin]

So I'm tripping face. That's the only other explanation here.

[textualhealing]

We're all high? That's your explanation?

[A thoughtful pause.]

I like that. Doesn't make much sense, but neither does a good trip.

[ricin]

No, I'm high. You're, like, not even here.

[textualhealing]

I don't even exist? You sure you're capable of imagining someone as handsome as me?

[tweaker]

...Is there any way to answer that question that isn't totally faggoty?

[textualhealing]

Wow, impressive literacy. [Such sarcasm.]

[tweaker]

I know. I'm a goddamn poet.

[textualhealing]

Are you really Jesse? I'm getting moronic younger brother vibes.

[tweaker]

The one and only Jesse Pinkman. You got that?

Besides, my younger brother's a genius.

[And he says that with great pride.]

[textualhealing]

Okay, kid, I got it.

You found a place to stay, right?

[ricin]

Uh...

[Not... legally?]

Yeah. Yeah, I got a place I'm crashing at.

[textualhealing]

Uh-huh. [Totally believes you, kid.]

I'm assuming now is a good time to point out I'm lawyer, so you might wanna remember my name if you get yourself in any trouble.