maskormenace | Video;

Okay, okay - whoa, don't move so much, Demon Box! I've got to get it steady.

[rustle rustle, whisper whisper - and then the audio switches to video. There is what appears to be the world's tallest nine-year-old on some ocean-side cliff, waves crashing behind him and the wind whipping past (perfect for dramatic effect, of course). His hat is three sizes too big for him, his clothes are dirty, and the red cape he's fashioned around his shoulders (stitched with sequined stars and glittery, gold words like 'WOW' and 'AMAZZING') isn't winning him any fashion prizes either.]

HELLO! [he raises his arms] I AM - !

[- he drops the phone. As he scrambles down to get it, it quickly becomes clear that he's not freakishly tall, just standing on top of the Luggage. In fact, it becomes clear that he's scrawny enough one of those stiff ocean breezes could probably bowl him over and into the water. (Although maybe that would at least wash some of the dirt patches off his face - this kid clearly hasn't seen a bath or a house for a few days.)]

Whoops. Er, here we go. I'll hold it better. [and his hat, since it's trying to blow away on him.] HELLO! I AM RINCEWIND THE SUPER MAGICAL!

[he pauses patiently for applause.]

As a Great Wizard, me and my Demon Box want to let everybody know that we're here to help everybody with whatever they need! We can kill monsters and bad people, or demons, or whoever! You don't even have to pay us. ...Although a snack might be nice. But you don't have to if you don't have one! Great Wizard heroes always help, no matter what!

And we're both real fast, so it doesn't even matter where you -

[there's a hard wind and Rincewind trips backwards, about to go over the cliff - !

Only he doesn't, because he's suddenly snagged behind the back by a huge, mahogany red tongue from the Luggage. The little wizard just laughs once he has his balance again, giving the box a rewarding pat on the lid.]

That was a close one. But anyway, yeah, I'm Rincewind! So just call out if you need saving by a Great Wizard, okay? I'm here to help!

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Holy crap, you are adorable.

[Okay, he'd like to lecture this kid about how killing people is wrong!!!! But more pressing concerns, first:]

Oi, oi, get away from that cliff, it's dangerous!

[ More people concerned for small child! ]

Child, what... what are you doing there?

[o-oh, that's a really pretty lady.]

Um, thank you, miss. ["cool" or "powerful" would be better to hear, but again: pretty lady.]

D'you... need a hero, maybe?

Not for a Great Wizard it's not! [and he strikes a dramatic pose...! Until the wind blows his cape in his face.

He bats it out of the way sheepishly.]

Anyway, it looked real good, didn't it? With all the waves and stuff?

S'not "child", it's Rincewind the Super Magical. Or... or "Great Wizard", if that's too long. I'm still coming up with a good name.

Uh... I need saving? [ He might get a heart attack if little Rincewind keeps trying to fall off cliffs, so that's totally true. ]

O-Oh! [ A sheepish look. ] I'm so sorry... Great Wizard, I see!

So... Great Wizard, will you step away from that cliff? It's very dangerous!

- Do you really? [FLYNN YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE HIS DAY.]

I mean, yeah, 'course you do! Where are you? I'll be right there, okay? Don't worry! Oh, and I guess I should ask what you need saving from. Is it bandits? Maybe an angry troll?

I'm in Heropa and there are pup... er angry dogs. [ There are puppies. He's at his job and well, kids love puppies, so he's half way there? ]

What, this one? [he peers over the side of it, frowning.] It's not all that tall. Hardly even a cliff, really.

Anyway, I'd be a pretty sad Great Wizard if I was afraid of a little danger, wouldn't I?

Angry dogs? [oh. That's - hm. That's not the sort of thing he's heard of Great Wizards solving before. ...But a person who needs help is still a person who needs help.]

Right, okay. [he puffs out his skinny chest.] Well, just - climb on top of something then until I get there, okay? I don't think dogs can climb. Where in Heropa are you?

Right. [ He's pretty sure dogs can climb. They're not great at climbing down of course, but they are puppies. ]

I'm sending you the address. [ And he does, along with a map and instructions. ]

Monge~! That cliff makes you look so cool, zura~ And those waves—

[This child might die, but who cares? Showmanship is an art, and some art is worth dying for.]

[FINALLY, someone who gets it!]

I know! [his little face is lit with utter glee.] It's just like the pictures of sourcerers in the books, isn't it? It'd be better if I was on a mountain of course, but there aren't any proper ones around here. I should also like to find a staff...

[a pause, as through his excitement Rincewind realizes something strange about this person.]

...Um. Are you a sort of dog?

[like that they aren't a person.]

Edited 2016-03-29 20:55 (UTC)

Being afraid is fine, though!

You wouldn't want to scrape your knees, right?

I've got it! [and since Flynn was smart enough to send the instructions, he actually has it, so he gets to avoid the scenario where he just says he knows where he's going and then gets lost in the woods or Canada or something.

He sits down properly on the Luggage like it's a fine steed instead of a beast of a chest.] I'll see you soon, okay? Let's go, Demon Box!

...Well, no. Nobody wants that. But I'm not going to, honest. I'm real careful.

[no he's not.]

MONGE!! H-How did you know, zura?! You... You really must be an amazing wizard after all, zura~!

[Or, you know, he just has eyes. But whatever.]

Yeah, it's true! I'm a dog, I'm a youkai dog, zura! W-What else can you do? [gasp.] Can you see my future, zura?!

[Because as we all know, wizards and psychics are the same thing.]

Ok! Hurry!

[ He is smart enough to use the time to get the others to back him up on this mad dog story.

Rincewind being beyond cute right now and apparently a little too enthusiastic to help himself, along with the fact that any deviance from the norm is actually quite fun, they make the place look like a mad house.

Nothing to do about the puppies, of course, but claiming that Rincewind's mere presence broke the spell may work and give the lad an ego boost at the same time.

One of the volunteers spot Rincewind coming and everyone starts crying out for help. The acting... varies, but the enthusiasm does not, much to the confusion of the little dogs. ]

[ Him being anywhere near a cliff is a testament to that. ]

I don't doubt it! But you... please step away from the cliff? If you do I'll uh... I'll buy you a snack!

Oh, no, it's just you're really fluffy, and -

- I mean, no, of course I am, that's absolutely how I knew! [MORE PROOF OF HIS POWER.] I wouldn't have a wizard's hat if I wasn't a wizard, would I? Don't you have to be magical too, to be able to talk?

[and he wants to know why the dog keeps calling him 'Zura' but something more important comes up.]

The future? ...I dunno, I've never tried before. Um. [he screws up his face and puts two fingers to his head like he's seen traveling magicians do.] I see... I see...

...I see a sandwich. You're going to eat a sandwich. It's going to be delicious, but, um, you're going to wish you had chips with it.

[and Sasha just said the Magic Word.]

A snack? [it might be a little too loud to hear near the ocean, but his stomach gives an eager growl.] ...What sort of snack, do you think?

[Wow that whole seaside cliff sure does call to Will like sirens serenading beefy sailors.]

Can you kill time?

[And hurry he does! The Luggage is fast when it wants to be, and Rincewind has to hold onto the reins he's made for it as he rides, one hand keeping his hat on.

It'll still be an hour before he gets there, but at least that's plenty of time for the volunteers to set the stage for the Rescue. The wizard and his chest burst through the doors and skid to a halt. Rincewind's eyes widen to see all the "destruction" the dogs have done and all the people crying out for help. It's... a little intimidating. But he bites his lip, steels his shoulders and jumps off with his hands raised. He hasn't actually tried to do any real magic yet, but whatever needs to be done, he's ready!]

Okay! Okay, where are the - ?

[...oh gosh, those sure are some tiny, fluffy puppies.]

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