Video;

[poppedballoon]

Okay, okay - whoa, don't move so much, Demon Box! I've got to get it steady.

[rustle rustle, whisper whisper - and then the audio switches to video. There is what appears to be the world's tallest nine-year-old on some ocean-side cliff, waves crashing behind him and the wind whipping past (perfect for dramatic effect, of course). His hat is three sizes too big for him, his clothes are dirty, and the red cape he's fashioned around his shoulders (stitched with sequined stars and glittery, gold words like 'WOW' and 'AMAZZING') isn't winning him any fashion prizes either.]

HELLO! [he raises his arms] I AM - !

[- he drops the phone. As he scrambles down to get it, it quickly becomes clear that he's not freakishly tall, just standing on top of the Luggage. In fact, it becomes clear that he's scrawny enough one of those stiff ocean breezes could probably bowl him over and into the water. (Although maybe that would at least wash some of the dirt patches off his face - this kid clearly hasn't seen a bath or a house for a few days.)]

Whoops. Er, here we go. I'll hold it better. [and his hat, since it's trying to blow away on him.] HELLO! I AM RINCEWIND THE SUPER MAGICAL!

[he pauses patiently for applause.]

As a Great Wizard, me and my Demon Box want to let everybody know that we're here to help everybody with whatever they need! We can kill monsters and bad people, or demons, or whoever! You don't even have to pay us. ...Although a snack might be nice. But you don't have to if you don't have one! Great Wizard heroes always help, no matter what!

And we're both real fast, so it doesn't even matter where you -

[there's a hard wind and Rincewind trips backwards, about to go over the cliff - !

Only he doesn't, because he's suddenly snagged behind the back by a huge, mahogany red tongue from the Luggage. The little wizard just laughs once he has his balance again, giving the box a rewarding pat on the lid.]

That was a close one. But anyway, yeah, I'm Rincewind! So just call out if you need saving by a Great Wizard, okay? I'm here to help!

Comments

video;

[itistolaugh]

Holy crap, you are adorable.

video;

[poppedballoon]

[o-oh, that's a really pretty lady.]

Um, thank you, miss. ["cool" or "powerful" would be better to hear, but again: pretty lady.]

D'you... need a hero, maybe?

video;

[earnedmystripes]

[Okay, he'd like to lecture this kid about how killing people is wrong!!!! But more pressing concerns, first:]

Oi, oi, get away from that cliff, it's dangerous!

video;

[poppedballoon]

Not for a Great Wizard it's not! [and he strikes a dramatic pose...! Until the wind blows his cape in his face.

He bats it out of the way sheepishly.]

Anyway, it looked real good, didn't it? With all the waves and stuff?

video

[huntergames]

[ More people concerned for small child! ]

Child, what... what are you doing there?

video

[poppedballoon]

S'not "child", it's Rincewind the Super Magical. Or... or "Great Wizard", if that's too long. I'm still coming up with a good name.

[flynnnotjunior]

Uh... I need saving? [ He might get a heart attack if little Rincewind keeps trying to fall off cliffs, so that's totally true. ]

[poppedballoon]

- Do you really? [FLYNN YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE HIS DAY.]

I mean, yeah, 'course you do! Where are you? I'll be right there, okay? Don't worry! Oh, and I guess I should ask what you need saving from. Is it bandits? Maybe an angry troll?

[Video]

[monge]

Monge~! That cliff makes you look so cool, zura~ And those waves—

[This child might die, but who cares? Showmanship is an art, and some art is worth dying for.]

[Video]

[poppedballoon]

[FINALLY, someone who gets it!]

I know! [his little face is lit with utter glee.] It's just like the pictures of sourcerers in the books, isn't it? It'd be better if I was on a mountain of course, but there aren't any proper ones around here. I should also like to find a staff...

[a pause, as through his excitement Rincewind realizes something strange about this person.]

...Um. Are you a sort of dog?

[like that they aren't a person.]

voice;

[infomodder]

[Wow that whole seaside cliff sure does call to Will like sirens serenading beefy sailors.]

Can you kill time?

[poppedballoon]

Kill time? Oh, er... that sounds like really advanced magic. I don't know about that.

[there's some awkward shuffling of bare feet.]

But - but I could try! If you want. ...Is that really what you need saving from?

[video]

[lightandglory]

Rincewind? There you are!

Goodness, did you have some magic backfire on you? You've gotten much smaller!

[video]

[poppedballoon]

[Uh... why is this pretty lady talking to him like she knows him? He frowns.]

No, I haven't. I've gotten taller, even. [he straightens - and pulls up his hat some.] I was measured only last week!

[dogsled]

Rincewind? You're...

[ Tiny. Except more pressing matters: ]

Get away from there right now!

[poppedballoon]

[whoa, yelling! Rincewind shirks his shoulders and looks behind him quickly]

What is it? - Is it a sea monster?

video;

[fayzedandconfused]

... Rincewind?

video;

[poppedballoon]

Rincewind the Super Magical.

[but look at that, another kid!]

Who're you?

video

[glitterateur]

[Everyone is children and this is just how life is gonna be forever, sure.]

That's a really nice cape! Did you make it?

video

[poppedballoon]

[a new and magical world of prepubescents!]

I did! It took me all night. Some of the sequins weren't staying on right so I had to glue them. You really like it?

VOICE;

[triangleman]

Mmmmmmm! I can think of a few things I could use help with!

Re: VOICE;

[poppedballoon]

You name it, I can do it! No problem is too big for the Great Wizard!

voice;

[slightlyoffchilt]

I wonder what happened, when your sense of wonder broke. When "Demon Box" became "Luggage".

voice;

[poppedballoon]

Huh? Why do people keep calling it that? S'got feet. Luggage doesn't have feet.

[and he wrinkles his nose, something vague pulling at the back of his mind.]

You sound familiar.

[video]

[protects_the_small]

[Rincewind....Rincewind, wasn't he the-

What in Mithros's name...]

Aren't you...older?

[Well no, obviously not]

[video]

[poppedballoon]

[excuse you.]

I'm nine. And I'll be ten in August.

[textualhealing]

[Omg this is fantastic. This is giving him so much ammunition for the future and yet... so adorable. Damn. Such cute.]

You kill people? [Cutest tiny murderer. Maybe he kills them with cute.]

[poppedballoon]

[Rincewind screws his mouth up thoughtfully.]

...Only the bad ones. Like bandits.

[dendarii]

Ooh! I didn't know you were a Great Wizard! What can you do?

[ Says the world's smallest nine (eight?)-year-old. He seems quite fascinated by all of this, even if the height is fake. ]

[poppedballoon]

I am! I've even got it on my hat, see? [and he'll pull it down further into view so the glittery 'WIZZARD' can be seen. He seems extra excited to be talking to someone close to his own age.]

Oh, wizards can do all sorts of things. I haven't had much time to practice yet, I didn't know I'd already been made a wizard. But - [Rincewind lowers his voice] - I can magically open things, I learned that.