video

[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

[huntergames]

I don't know... but if it's suffering, you could always put it down?

[glitterateur]

No way! No more innocent animals are gonna lose their lives under my watch!

[huntergames]

If it's suffering it's not a cruel thing to do...

[glitterateur]

But I don't think it's suffering? It's clopping around like normal! It's been hours and it hasn't fallen over dead or anything!

[huntergames]

Well... I believe an animal like that should be outside at least! In a forest maybe... with grass, trees and shrubs...

[glitterateur]

I'm not just gonna abandon it in the woods! That's so mean, it's part of the household now.

[huntergames]

You don't have to abandon it! [ She shakes her head. ] You can still check on it... give it a collar?

[glitterateur]

...I guess it does technically have a neck.... Do you think people would find it in the forest and go bug it, though? Like take pictures with it and stuff?

[huntergames]

Er... I don't think so! And animals are smart so if it doesn't want to be seen by humans it will hide.

[glitterateur]

Right! But if we wanna keep him close we'll probably have to drop him off in the swamp... that's still okay, right?

[huntergames]

Is he some kind of deer? Deer don't live by swamp.

[glitterateur]

He's a horse! He's two horses, that's why he's a centaurtaur. And lots of things live in swamps that you wouldn't expect, like wolves and swamp apes.

[huntergames]

Wolves lives in... what?

[ Does she mean monkeys? ]

Don't they live in jungles?

[glitterateur]

Yes! But since we don't really have jungles here the swamp is the next best thing.

[huntergames]

I guess the jungles are really far here.

But don't put him too close to where the alligators are!

[glitterateur]

I won't! I've got connections in the alligator community anyway. I'll make sure they leave him alone.

[huntergames]

Connections?

[glitterateur]

Some friends of mine and I went out and caught one as a pet one time! When they left I let him go back to the swamp. He probably remembers me pretty fondly.

[huntergames]

I didn't know alligators were that clever...

[glitterateur]

Oh yeah they're very smart. Not as smart as pigs, but still!

[huntergames]

That is a very curious thing... [ But she isn't tempted to confirm this. ] Um, by the way, you know you can get animals chipped, yes?