video

[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

[glitterateur]

Magic? I dunno I'm not giving the centaurtaur away before I can tell people how it eats.

[medalsome]

That's not-[No, no, don't argue with her on this Joaquin. He rubs his face.]

If it doesn't have a mouth, it likely does not eat. Or not in any way that is possible for us to figure out.

[glitterateur]

Someone said it might be solar powered? Or absorb stuff through its skin like an amoeba. We're gonna experiment! Plus it might have a butt-mouth but we don't know 'cause none of us are tall enough to check.

[medalsome]

Both of those options are... [kind of horrifying, really. He's not gonna think about it.]

Well... if it starts to act run down before too long, you need to understand that there are times you're not left with many options.

[glitterateur]

There's always another option. [Oops someone is overidentifying with the horse abomination.] I mean... thereshould be. It's not fair if there's not! The centaurtaur can't even go anywhere if it dies like we can, there's no superhero universe like this.

[medalsome]

[A looooooong sigh. How does he explain this to a child? Or more like, how does he explain this to an optimist?]

Look... Sometimes animals...

Horses are delicate, okay, and...

[He wasn't cut out for this.]

... Well, it's your animal. You'll have to make a hard decision if you can't figure out how to care for it properly. Just make sure you make it before it starts to truly suffer.

[glitterateur]

[She nods. Yes. Definitely. Absolutely.]

It won't suffer I promise! I've already made the choice to let him go free and find his own new family that can take care of him.

[In the swamp. She means swamp apes.]