video

[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

[whathawksdo]

Well, whoever's fault, I can see your problem. It doesn't actually have a way to eat, not unless... it goes in one end and... [ Hawke isn't going to go any further with that train of thought, because even she's making a face at it. ] Ah, or maybe it eats sunlight?

[glitterateur]

Maybe! I hope so. We were kinda thinking that it did the other thing? Where it went in one end and came out the other.

[whathawksdo]

It could be, but it can't possibly pick anything up and eat on its own with one end. There's no mouth or anything.

[glitterateur]

Maybe it like... tips over? It rolls so that the butt's touching the grass.

[whathawksdo]

But how does it pull the grass up? Butts don't... can they? Can they do that?

[ Why is she even thinking about this?! ]

[glitterateur]

Well not normal butts. This guy's magic, though! He probably doesn't have a normal butt. I mean he might have one? Half his butts might be normal.

[whathawksdo]

You know, maybe you should get a veterinarian to check that for you, if one isn't really a butt. Even if it is a magical, two-assed horse.

[glitterateur]

Yeah. Yeah! Good idea. I've talked to a guy who says he's a regular surgeon but I dunno if he's qualified to say whether a vet could or couldn't make the centaurtaur a mouth.

[whathawksdo]

Surgeon... surgeon... That's for people, isn't it?

[ She needs a point of reference here, okay. ]

[glitterateur]

Yeah! And apparently animals either have magical zoologists or vets.

[whathawksdo]

Vets I'm familiar with, magical zoologists... not so much. Do we have any of those here?

[glitterateur]

...probably? We've got people from all kinds of places and worlds here so somebody has to have experience with this. And until I find one he'll go live happily in the swamp and everything will be fine.

[Everything will be fine.]