video

[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

[rideme]

[Sorry, Mabel, you get the same answer as Dipper.]

Okay. But let me repeat.

What the fuck.

[glitterateur]

It's a centaurtaur and I guess Ford can summon them? Which I swear I didn't know until now!

[rideme]

... Okay.

You want me to come over there and uh.

Kill it?

[deciphered]

[The tiny Pines-looking child who fell off the centaurtaur immediately shows up in the background of Mabel's video feed, looking more than a little distressed.]

What? No! You can't kill it! It's not its fault it's weird!

[rideme]

[Who the fuck is this.]

It's not because it's weird, kid. It's... got no face.

How the hell is it going to eat?

[deciphered]

[The look on Ford's face pretty much says that they haven't exactly figured that out yet. But he's not letting that stop him. Not when he has a fellow freak to save.]

Maybe it doesn't need to? We don't know how it breathes but it's still doing that okay. It's not a reason to kill it!

[rideme]

[SIGH...]

[There is a definite oh for fuck's sake on the inside. But not the outside. He keeps that to himself.]

It is if it starts starving to death.

[deciphered]

It won't! We promise! We'll take really good care of it!

[rideme]

That's not really...

Okay, fine. You do your thing.

[deciphered]

We won't let you down! Scout's... um.

[Ford glances at the three fingers he's holding up, before slowly curling them back down into a six-fingered fist. He's pretty sure he can't say that anymore. Not after they got kicked out.]

Promise!

[rideme]

Scout's promise, huh?

You a scout, then, kid?

[Probably not the best thing to ask but well. If it turns the conversation away from weird horse-headed horses or whatever the fuck that thing is...]

[glitterateur]

[Well look at what you did. You fucked up a perfectly good tiny grunkle. Look at him, he's got anxiety and weirdness issues.]

No! No more dead animals in this house.

[rideme]

Mable.

... Kid you gotta see, it's got no head. Right?

[glitterateur]

Yeah... but lots of things don't have heads? Like-- starfish! And worms!

[rideme]

Yeah, but they can still eat, right?

[glitterateur]

Probably? I mean, they have to.... I dunno I didn't like the oceanography unit in science class.

[rideme]

Okay, but see. If those things have mouths, and this doesn't...?

Get where I'm going here, kid?

[glitterateur]

No killing! [Wow. Dang. She sure said that forcefully. Like it's personal or something.] I'm gonna release it into the swamp and let it live a full happy life with the swamp apes.

[oldstandard]

No!

We haven't figured out how to ride it without falling off yet!

[rideme]

...


Rope.

Lots and lots of rope.

[oldstandard]

That feels like cheating...

[rideme]

Or is it leveling the field?

[oldstandard]

How's it leveling the field?

[rideme]

It can't untie you.

[oldstandard]

Yeah but, anyone can be tied to a centaurtaur. We want to ride it in a race!