video

[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

[rassera]

Processed meat's all I had back home! It's nothing compared to the real thing!


[You're talking to the guy who literally thinks McDonalds is cuisine cause at least it came from a real cow.]

[ursawhiner]

The stuff we have is probably way better. I've seen the things you eat!

[rassera]

You don't even WANNA know what I got to eat back in Neo Tokyo.


Artificial fish.

[ursawhiner]

Like... gefilte?

[rassera]

That's not a word.


Just like Artificial Fish isn't actually fish.

[ursawhiner]

Gefilte is totally real! And I wish it wasn't!

It's like, mashed up fish mixed with other stuff and then boiled.

[He shivers as if remembering a nightmare.]

It's terrible.

[rassera]

...


Isn't that what bol-...bor...</> That THING is but with...other animals?

[ursawhiner]

No! Maybe? I don't know that much about bologna!

[rassera]

Well neither do I!

[ursawhiner]

I'm not saying you should go out and try it... but maybe try SPAM. Maybe me and Ken can cook it for you.

[Ken should definitely be there to supervise.]

[rassera]

...





Eh, why not?

[ursawhiner]

Cool. Cooking adventure when we're done with uh... all this.

[He waves his hand around to encompass not just the centaurtaur, but the tiny Stan's.]

[rassera]

Deal. Tell you what, I'll teach you, too.


If you wanna impress Ken, I can teach you his favourite.

[ursawhiner]

...You know his favourite and you can cook it?

[There's a lot of doubt here.]

[rassera]

Of course I can! You've even eaten it before.



Remember that egg stuff I had you test out in October?

[ursawhiner]

Oh. You've practiced since then, right?

[rassera]

Definitely. I'm even Ken-approved, so you can trust me.

[ursawhiner]

Can we do this while Ken's at school? So it's a surprise.

[rassera]

Anytime, any place.

We can ask that friend of his to keep him busy if we need more time. What's his name...Ramen?

[ursawhiner]

What? Do you mean... [Dipper's face darkens.]

Noodle.

[rassera]

That's him!!

[The one they mistook for Ken's boyfriend. Who...Kaneda only found out was never his boyfriend only a few months ago. Ken really should learn not to sarcastically lie.]

...

What, you two got come rough ground?

[ursawhiner]

I just... I really don't like him!

[Does he have a reason beyond irrational jealousy? Nope!]

[rassera]

Is it cause he tried to 'steal your boyfriend'?


What's that American saying. Water on the bridge?

[ursawhiner]

'Water under the bridge.'

And no! It's not-- We weren't even dating then! That has nothing to do with it!

[It has everything to do with it.]

[rassera]

[Look at that smile slowly growing.]

Yeah? Then what is it? Need me to 'spy' for you?