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[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

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[burnseternal]

My. I have met many inorganic beings and sentient amoebas in my time, but I believe that this is my first time seeing something with two rear ends. How precisely did you come across him...? Or her, I suppose.

[glitterateur]

[Oh thank goodness another sensible adult.]

Well! Okay so back home we had to play this weird nerd game to keep Dipper's brain from getting eaten by a wizard? Which is when I thought up the centaurtaur! And then Ford rolled some dice here and now one exists in this universe and is a superhero I guess.

[ursawhiner]

Mabel thought it up. And then Ford summoned it with his magic die. And now we're apparently slapping bologna on it.

[burnseternal]

Mabel does have an incredible imagination, in that case. Bringing other sentient beings to life is not, however, advisable unless one is adequately prepared to take care of them.

[What a pickle.]

...why bologna?

[ursawhiner]

It's the only thing left in the fridge. And some mustard?

[The refrigerator of Heropa #018 is not well stocked at the best of times. Now the only food coming into the house is from Chad the Delivery Guy.]

[burnseternal]

Perhaps I should rephrase myself.

Why are you hitting this poor creature with food items?

[ursawhiner]

Someone said that it might eat through its skin, like a toad. So we're testing it out.

[They're just going to end up with a headless, double butt horse smeared with mustard and bologna.]

[burnseternal]

I doubt that that's the case. It is covered in fur, after all, and would be able to absorb very little through it. The only possibility I can think of is that it would consume through its rectum.

[ursawhiner]

We were really trying to avoid that. Like, we didn't even want to think about it. So we're definitely trying this first.

[burnseternal]

You certainly cannot avoid it forever. Surely this creature deserves not to languish in hunger.

[ursawhiner]

We're taking care of it! This time we actually know about the food chain!

[burnseternal]

...which is why you are slapping this creature with meat products?

[ursawhiner]

It's seriously the only food we have in the house.

[burnseternal]

Truly?

[Okay, now he just sounds downright dismayed, and not for the wretched creature they're taking care of.]

Why, that won't do! That won't do at all. Is this a common occurrence, or do you two often go without proper nutrition?

[ursawhiner]

We do okay. I mean, great uncle Ford and Grunkle Stan cook sometimes.

[Everyone would have scurvy if it weren't for the nanites.]

[burnseternal]

[no THIS IS SO WORRISOME]

If you ever feel that you are lacking, I often cook for far more than just my household. I should not like you or your sister to ever feel that you have no better options than, ah... bologna.

[ursawhiner]

Oh, thanks! I swear it's not usually like this, though. We get take-out a lot.

[CHAD CHAD CHAD.]

[burnseternal]

...what kind of take-out would that be?

[ursawhiner]

Uh, the usual stuff? A lot of places deliver.

I swear it only pizza about half the time.

[burnseternal]

[oh no, oh children]

I am afraid that I am not aware of what the 'usual stuff' entails. But... if you ever desire a home cooked meal, do not hesitate to ask; I provide meals for others who are, it seems, unable to cook.

[Ah, but he is a stranger, is he not?]

My name is Saint Walker. You will find that Mabel is already acquainted with me!

[ursawhiner]

Nice to meet you! I'm Dipper.

We might take you up on that offer. Kind of miss eating food that doesn't come in a box.

[burnseternal]

Please do! It is vegan, which I have learned is not to many humans' liking, but I assure you that they tend to think that it is quite tasty if I do not inform them of that fact.