maskormenace | APRIL 20TH, 2016

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APRIL 20TH, 2016

THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2016

THUMBS UP FOR COUNTDOWN
As seen in American entertainment news and social media, with a focus on music websites and publications:
ImPort singer and occasional diplomat Count Dooku recently announced a new direction for his government-assigned symphonic metal band. 'Sulfur Mustard' will now be known as Countdown, and has launched a new album by the same name, which has provoked controversy among commentators who perceive radical anti-government messages lurking in its lyrics.

The 'Countdown' album is advertised as a musical saga paying tribute to the historical imPort heroes who helped reform the United States 'police state' regime in the late 1980s. Yet according to many in the mainstream media, this is mere pretense for messages promoting illegal vigilantism, resistance to authority, and opposition to the Cold War.

"This so-called 'music' is an outrage against American values," according to a statement released by the influential media advocacy group Manifest for Moral Magnitude or Triple-M. "Our citizens- our children- should not be exposed to songs that undermine their patriotism and promote disorder against the government. Our nation is at war- our homes were invaded. The last thing we need now is self-righteous imPort celebrities like Count Dooku undermining the people who protect us by stirring up old issues and spreading distrust. We call for opposition to this un-American music and the companies that promote it, and for real citizens of this country to heap shame upon 'Countdown.'

When approached for comment on the controversy, Count Dooku stated that he prefers to let his group's art speak for itself, and that Countdown will continue to pursue its own style of music and politics- regardless of any outside pressures which may be brought to bear. Countdown will be performing live within the four Porter cities throughout the spring season. Initial ticket and album sales have been notably sluggish in reaction to media backlash against this subversive song-slinging.

AND EVEN SECOND BREAKFAST
As seen on the Rumblr account for Benny's Breakfast:
This is a potato.

It can be for breakfast sometimes.

IN THE NICK OF TIME
As viewed upon BlueTube, the original content entitled 'ORIGINAL RUNNING LATE MAN VIDEO!', with memetic output on Rumblr:
The Running-Late Man: Unmasked!

After the talented Nick made himself known in the Artist Alley of FanPort and communes with the locals, a niche yet growingly popular gag meme on ImPort devoted blogs take up the help of social media frenzy Running-Late Man -- the man whose powers are greatest when he's five minutes behind schedule!

The meme started a few weeks back when someone caught a (shaky) shot of Phoenix Wright jumping a high fence on a bicycle with a piece of toast clenched between his teeth, and then quickly spiraled out of control (as most internet running gags do). Since no one knows his name, he's simply been called Running-Late Man up until now, and with him showing up at FanPort, he's going to cause a surge of Running-Late Man fanwork on people's dashes.

Running-Late Man has already ignited a furious shipping following with an imPort nicknamed The Caped Cravat, believed to be Miles Edgeworth. Surely, surely there will be more ships to set sail! But maybe not in a timely manner.

BEETLE V GREEN LANTERN: DAWN OF HOT HUNKY FANFIC
As seen on BlueTube:
If you venture into BlueTube, you might find a collection of a shaky, distant videos of select portions of the fight.

Green 'If there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty' Lantern fought Blue 'This bat lantern vigilante has been consistently targeting me' Beetle in an epic and costumed fisticuff session. Heroes! In tights! Beating each other up!

There you can see some damage on the streets along with Heropa 012 being almost entirely demolished and minor damage to 014. No casualties are noted -- Green Lantern successfully lead the fight to a more remote area. Given the general good will that Green Lantern and Blue Beetle (ALL OF THEM OKAY) inspire, this will probably set off a firestorm of conspiracies.

Neither of them can be found later to comment.

HE'S BEDEVILED YOUR HEARTS
As seen on BlueTube and thoroughly discussed on Bwitter:
Lucifer was reported to have crashed a handful of other imPorts panels, most notable emerging from backstage during Jeff Winger's panel LAWYER AT LARGE: IMPORTS' IMPACT, INVOLVEMENT, AND INFLUENCE ON TV & MEDIA and kissing formerly thought to be heterosexual Mr. Winger full on the mouth in front of his adoring fans. Later Lucifer appeared in the crowd during the final moments of LEAVE ME ALONE & DON'T TOUCH MY LUGGAGE and had, as reported by a totally unbiased fan, "a steaming moment" with the wizard Rincewind under the noses of adoring fans.

TAKE NOTE THAT both things, and Lucifer's heckling at other panels, are hitting social media, and while there are plenty of different angles of video on BlueTube covering Jeffifer's snog, what really happened between Rincewind and Lucifer has become a game of whispers on Bwitter, with people claiming to be there and suggesting a variety of different ridiculous things happened, #rincifer #godshonesttruth--Lucifer took him in his arms and flew away with him, Rincewind summoned an army of skeleton-corpses to protect him, and then flew away on a broomstick, etc. An upswing in fanfiction has resulted from both incidents, as well, with Rincifer tending toward the darker of the two.

HOT NEW FANG
As seen on news stands and in the online publication content:
The latest edition of the fashion magazine Chic includes an exclusive interview with imPort designer Kanaya Maryam, and in time for the release of her new clothing line. She talks about being a new mother, living among humans, and laughing off continued rumors of a vampire army, but the heart of the interview is still about fashion.

In talking about her design philosophy, she said, "I've never seen fashion as about following trends, or wearing what the industry decrees as popular. I encounter that opinion often, mostly from outsiders, and I understand where it comes from. But, for me ... it's a compromise between the vision of the designer and the client's. If you don't look and feel good when wearing something with my name on it, I haven't done my job."

As pieces have begun appearing in boutiques throughout the eastern seaboard, Maryam Designs has quickly become the talk of the fashion world, especially as imPort fervor hits the industry. Maryam has plans to expand her studio, hoping to bring her designs nationwide. Her studio can be contacted for further information.

THE KING OF CROON
As seen on BlueTube and spread over Rumblr:
An anonymous person recently uploaded a song by imPort heartthrob Manolo Sanchez entitled "I Love You Too Much" onto the internet. Thanks in part to the imPort fever surrounding this month's convention, the track quickly went viral, reaching over 5 million plays within a matter of days. Sanchez's passionate love ballad has clearly struck a chord with listeners across the nation, inspiring several people to upload videos of the guitarist's performances in various cafes throughout Heropa, Nonah and Maurtia Falls. It has also reignited interest surrounding his unexpected song for the Mexican government back in January. Rumor has it "I Love You Too Much" is part of a larger concept album, and a growing number of fans on Rumblr and other imPort-focused fan communities are hungry for more.

POTTY MOUTH OF WORD
As seen on Bwitter, and then inexplicably national news:
Regional real estate troll Ronald Chump has made headlines, somehow. As of 12:38AM on Thursday morning, he has been posting mean "beets" and memes on social networking site Bwitter -- and all about imPorts.

Some of the sampling:

12:38AM
Dooku? More like Dookey -- like his music!
12:45AM
What has Fartley Rathaway been tootin' about?
12:56AM
DiarrMaria's popularity in the toilet again.
1:05AM
What kind of pervert names their kid Dipper? Dipper, I hardly know her
1:10AM
Tony Stark Naked -- no one needs to see that!

And so forth. With hours worth of inane content, if you take a look you might see your own name.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ORANGE to BWITTER BLUE because of CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP, AMERICA!!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

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Oh, as though you wouldn't. [No point in lying to each other about this, grown men and all. And he'll smile to himself a little when Chilton catches up with him in the drink tally. Really, this is how their sessions should go as well, how much more relaxing would they be?] Skimmed though, more like.

But I think you and Jeffrey are written the best, certainly. [still so amused, not noticing the tiger pit.] Although Raina is lovely, of course. - I swear I only glanced at that one.

[as though there were actual photos of his psychiatrist's girlfriend.]

Oh my god.

[That was it, that was enough. Chilton's hand nearly hit the top of his briefcase as he scratched for the clasp to open. Out he pulled a stack of internet-born fictions.]

Did you know? Since you're such an expert. Did you know that there exists a group of people who romantically entwine you with the very man who put you in the devil's hold?

[Miles and Rincewind. Hell of a rare pair, but it lived.]

[hey, c'mon, these comics are gift! The art is incredibly... generous. Not to mention how therapeutic it apparently is for a few of Chiltion's patients to put their doctor in a ball-gag; it really seems to work for them, he might want to incorporate it into his technique.

Confusion flickers through Rincewind's smug expression as he watches the doctor struggle with the briefcase. The moment comprehension dawns, however, he has to raise his sleeve in front of his mouth and gulp to avoid wasting a mouth-full of good wine.]

You - why would you bring - ?!

[it's not the same, okay, the Luggage holds literally everything of Rincewind's all the time, but Chilton's briefcase is intentional! Oh, but realizing who the psychiatrist is referring to certainly narrows the wizard's attention. There's a half-strangled sound, quickly swallowed, before Rincewind leans up on the bar to make a quick, swiping play for the papers.]

That's madness!

Is it? Is it madness? Or is this --

[Chilton grabbed one of the beautifully drawn comics, snatching it by the cover and opening to a random page. There was his depiction: ball-gagged, handcuffed, quivering, and nude from the waist upwards. The artist had drawn Chilton bent over his desk with his spine curved upwards, eagerly awaiting his companion's touch. A dark, presumably handsome shadow cast over Chilton's waiting form.

The next panel revealed Rincewind.]

-- What the hell.

[Rincewind pauses in reaching for the fanfiction, hand outstretched, eyes falling on one panel before sloooowly sliding to the next. There's a twitch in his expression that might be hard to read, before all the little muscles of his face begin to rearrange themselves - with obvious satisfaction - into a look of outright glee.

He sits back. Suddenly, a bit of writing pairing him with an insufferable admiral doesn't seem nearly as consequential.]

Well. [he can't contain his grin, and it's such a rare expression on the redhead's face that his cheeks already feel happily sore.] It seems I didn't read them thoroughly enough.

[gods, is this what victory feels like? This seems like the sort of mean bliss that could follow besting a competitor.]

If we're going to continue this little match, you really ought to flip the page first - I'm curious what happens next.

[Pistols had been drawn, and Chilton found himself at gunpoint. If he balked at the challenge to turn that page, it was as good as bullet to the chest. If he risked a show of boldness, it was likely to backfire with vivid images he had not previously anticipated. And while Chilton was no son born of good fortune, he realized that it would be simply unendurable to toss his own shot; Rincewind's smile was unlike any other, peeled in glee and vicious.

It had to be stopped.]

You would be.

[He muttered, as if unwilling to commit to high volume. Taking a deep breath, the doctor pluck at the page with thumb and forefinger --

-- Thus revealing a sequence of Rincewind's strong hands on his backside, seemingly massaging away his trousers, lowering, lowering that vanguard to reveal bare flesh and then pressing against--]

Oh no.

[Chilton shut the book.]

No.

"Oh, wow."

[this from their bartender, dropping off Chilton's next drink just in time to catch sight of the lovingly rendered pants-drop. She shakes her head before moving on to her next bar guest.

Rincewind has to agree with her sentiment. He also has to give credit where credit is due - he's not sure he would have turned that page himself. Gosh. That unsettling grin of his has toned down to a self-satisfied smirk, albeit framed by ears turned a color just two shades left of his hair.]

...On the bright side, you looked to be quite enjoying yourself. [he has the audacity to give the doctor a friendly, conciliatory pat on the shoulder.] That's something. Rather commendable too, that the artist seems to think you'd work so hard for your patients. You've got to find that flattering.

[Rincewind leans back in his chair and tops off his glass. All right, so this is a strange competition to feel the victor in, but you know what? He never gets to win anything, and also he didn't start this, and also it's harmless, and also these absolutely aren't a list of justifications for being a bastard, they're just the facts.

He lifts his glass to Chilton in playful toast - the gunslinger blowing the smoke off his barrel.]

Can't win them all, hm?

[and drinks.]

That is quite enough from you!

[Bad enough his timing invited the bartender's disparaging gaze, and now he had to suffer Rincewind's smug demeanor. As if this were all his design! As if the wizard had any influence over his fictional persona!

But then again, someone was paying attention to him, wasn't that so? Someone was paying attention to the both of them, and this was the impression imparted.]

I've never had to deal with this breed of nonsense in Baltimore. [That he knew of.] How are you taking it all in such stride?

Oh, come off it, you started it. [with another pleased little sip. But at least Rincewind's floated down from the realm of 'insufferable gloating' to 'buzzed and pleased with himself'.]

But do you mean with this in particular, or their ridiculous fan things in general? [arching a brow.] I'd say it's mostly because I'm not the one being drawn over a desk in this case.

[for once.]

And it is all just strange fantasy in the end, isn't it? I mean - my hands aren't that big, for one thing. And you've not that much curve to your hips. Anyway, I find this all rather - [he waves a hand airily, searching for the right word.] - therapeutic, at the moment. Just what the doctor ordered.

[a beat.]

Well. Not you, of course. I've no idea what you'd order to relieve getting the devil's attention. But some doctor.

Surely you've stumbled on one of these you've found flattering before?

Not particularly. [Mostly because his preference of positioning, as it were, had rarely been respected.] And that is not an invitation for you to snoop up more examples.

[Chilton, at long last, could take refuge in his newly brimming drink.]

But back to our point of meeting, I remain concerned for you. I am concerned that he will have ideas for you.

Oh, no need. Not unless you decided to get snarky again. [cheerfully.

A cheer which begins its inevitable death with the shift back in topic. Rincewind sighs, resting his head in his hand and leaning an elbow on the bar top.]

Which is lovely and all, but I'm not sure what good concern does me right now, unless you've a way to trap him in a bottle or something.

Are there specific ideas you're specifically concerned about? [he arches a brow.] Do they have to do with you? Because I've already told you I'll keep you out of it.

[if he can.]

Naturally that has me worried. I wouldn't put it past Lucifer to wheedle out some surveillance -- half the time I wonder if he's got another set of eyes on Jeff.

[Like on him, literally. Jeff Winger could easily be an unwitting spy.]

But at least you haven't been advertising this agreement you have. Fewer people might be interested in taking advantage of it, assuming fewer know.

- Jeff? Jeff Winger?

[Rincewind perks up, surprised.]

Why would Lucifer have eyes on him? - And what is it you mean by that, taking advantage of it?

[given less distraction he'd also like to argue the use of the term 'agreement', but such is life.]

Lucifer has his eyes on anyone with enough narcissism. [Quick evasion -- probably better that Jeff explain that one himself. Or indeed Chilton might, at a later date.] But Lucifer has enemies, quite obviously, and some are aggressive. If he claims you and people know it, then you would make for a perfect hostage for whatever designs they might concoct.

[perhaps he'll feel bad for it later, but Rincewind immediately wonders if that means Lucifer and Dorian have a link between them. He'll have to think about whether to broach the topic with Jeff or not. Probably Chilton is right, and he should just keep it as quiet as possible.

Rincewind twitches, making a face as he hunches into his next gulp of wine.]

They have to actually care, for a hostage to be effective.

- Anyway, I did say I think he'll forget about me. It's hardly a claim when you haven't even put your name on something. [the lie comes a little easier every time he says it. If Rincewind keeps at it maybe he'll stop feeling that phantom twinge at his shoulder every time the mark drifts into his thoughts. Such is the hope.]

What is it you know about him? His abilities, I mean. There's the teleportation, we've discussed that, but what else do you know he can do?

[One skeptically raised eyebrow was the only response. Rincewind would come to realize -- or simply accept -- the reality of Lucifer and his possessions.]

He can manipulate through the powers of others, he has some sort of illusionist ability. I'm not sure if that is simply inherent to his archangel status or not.

I know he can bind people to him.

Illusions? Have you seen that one used? [that one certainly sounds dangerous. - Well, all right, they're all incredibly dangerous, at least to him, but illusions are a different sort of dangerous. You can duck the sword you see coming your way, but not if someone's made it look like a juicy bit of ham so you stick it down your own throat.]

He said something about leashing death and controlling time, when we first spoke. I don't suppose you've heard anything about those?

He gave himself wings -- and with them extended all darkness before me. Once he force time to appear to slow, yes, and perhaps that alludes to his control. Hard to take what the devil says at face value, until further notice I'll categorize it as an illusion.

He already has wings. [Rincewind is nearly talking to himself, staring down at his wine. The red is deep enough it borders on black. With the light at the right angle, he can catch a dark reflection of himself on the surface.] They glow.

[a soft word to describe how the power of his magic crackled with light, burning the air.]

Would anyone else have a better knowledge of what he can do, do you think?

Oh good, so you've gotten intimate with him. [Dryly stated.] One of his favored intimidation tactics.

Perhaps someone from his world, though I cannot say I know of anyone here who is.

[now there's a thought. That might have some promise, if he can find someone who knew him in his own world. The only trouble there is they would have had to also survive him.

Rincewind glances over at the doctor, frowning curiously at his insinuation.]

...How is it you came me to know the first one? Was he very different?

He was a little more... Impulsive. I can't say I know what had happened during his tenure back home, but his tactics had changed a little. The second coming prefers long term plans.

[Which was both pro and con to Chilton's own agenda.]

But would that version have collared you as well? Of course he would have.

But he got on better with you? Or wasn't as dangerous to you? ...Although I suppose he wouldn't be, would he, being more impulsive. [muttered into his drink.] It's the ones with goals you always have to watch out for.

And I do wish you'd stop referring back to that.

[how do you keep missing his many attempts to shift the conversation focus, Chilton??]

Edited 2016-05-10 03:43 (UTC)

It has been a strange relationship regardless of his incarnation.

[Oh, he doesn't miss them per se.]

No use in avoiding the problem that unites us, Rincewind.

Trying to avoid problems is rather my thing, you know. You might even say I'm known for it.

[he's thinking of getting 'REPRESSION' tattooed across his knuckles.]

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