[ Voice ]

[dualismum]

[ Sasaki will be using audio for this because it's much easier when you can't see his face. ] ... I think I'm done running from the elephant in the room.

Three years ago, SS rated ghoul Ken Kaneki was captured by the CCG and lost his memories. And from that, I came to existence. I'm legally a human, but not biologically, and I have no memories beyond the three years I've lived. [ so yes. Haise is technically Kaneki ] I know that this body is Kaneki's, and I know that Kaneki is somewhere inside my head I don't really remember anything about Kaneki's life; I don't know who his mother is, I don't know how he met his little sister, and I don't know what he felt when he woke up after being turned into an artificial ghoul.

But ever since I stepped out of the Porter, I know everything that Kaneki felt and lived while in this world. I know the people he met here and matter to him, I know his sadness and his loneliness, I know his happiness and I know his feelings. It's as if these are my memories, even though I'm not Kaneki. I'm not; I'm just... a dream. With two years worth of memories.

[ there is a moment of silence as sasaki tries to gather his thoughts ]

I know Kaneki will slowly take over, and with time all of the memories will return and I will no longer be Sasaki. I will be replaced with the real thing. And yet, I really want to exist. I don't want to fade away, that's why- it was really scary when I arrived here, when I looked at your faces, everytime you called me Kaneki, everytime you expected him.

I still can't tell you what is happening. It's a mess. [ he sighs, defeated ] About that night when Kaneki went crazy and attacked people- I remember it all as if I was the one doing it, so I want to apologize. I'll be visiting the native victims, and the imPorts he hurt and attacked, I'm terribly sorry for what has happened. And the person who triggered that whole mayhem- [ sasaki isn't going to say the name; he knows who it is ] We are going to talk.

Comments

voice;

[oceanthief]

[Lapis hadn't realized that the encounter with Kaneki was something deserving of an apology. even as she turns Sasaki's over in her mind now she can't really find a need for it; no gem ever intentionally succumbed to monsterhood, and she still can't find much different between that and her fight.

but that's not the only thing she hadn't realized, and it's why her response to this deep and heartfelt public confession is at first nothing more than a simple:]

I didn't know you weren't supposed to be him.

[he'd disappeared, then returned looking just a little different. that was common when gems had to regenerate - and how could Lapis clue in to the separate name when she could barely keep track of the first set she was given by people? it had been written off the same way his asking 'newbie' questions had been - as weird earth customs beyond her understanding.

this, however, she has an analogy for. and since Kaneki (Sasaki? somebody) was her friend, it's why she tries to clumsily make some sort of attempt at comfort with it.]

But you'll still be around, even if you leave his body. It's not so bad.

[fusions existed even when they didn't, as paradoxical as that was to try and explain. why couldn't that be the same here?]

voice;

[dualismum]

[ lapis... no...... ghouls aren't gems....... ]

It's... not like that.


[ a pause ]

Lapis, I'm sorry for what happened that night.

[oceanthief]

[what are you talking about?? the act pretty similarly to them????]

Why? I'm fine.

[property damage and the welfare of people she doesn't know don't even cross Lapis' mind, and since Sasaki wasn't in control of himself that seems to be everything. certainly nothing to apologize for.]

[dualismum]

[ lapis NO ]

because I attacked you. [ kaneki attacked her, but- ] People should be sorry for doing such a thing.

[oceanthief]

[LAPIS ALWAYS YES]

But they usually aren't. [her shoulders square at a distant memory, then relax once more] And it's stupid to expect that from something that couldn't control itself.

[it was like expecting a wild animal to be sorry for attacking you in the wilderness. there was no point to it.]

[dualismum]

Everyone is different. And even if there was no control, there is still the aftermath. I remember everything I tried to do and did, and just because I couldn't control it, it doesn't mean I still don't feel it.

[oceanthief]

Then you should be apologizing to yourself, not me. I'm not hurt.

[but that building she pummeled in the process of trying to corral Kaneki sure was...but again, Lapis and being conscious of collateral damage just don't exist on the same plane.]

[dualismum]

I was the one trying to hurt you out of - [ insanity... ] viciousness. I don't think i should be apologizing to myself, no. [ ok, so he isn't kind towards himself, what else is new ]

[oceanthief]

[he can't see it, of course, but her lips twist into an unsatisfied frown. normally Lapis would be perfectly content with leaving it like that - this was none of her business, after all - but something about things just don't sit right with her this time.]

Then I can't accept your apology.

[he can't see her face, but there's no mistaking the stubborn bent to her voice. this is what friendship was about...even if Lapis doesn't realize that.]

[dualismum]

[ LAPIS........ ]

You are surprisingly stubborn.

[oceanthief]

[CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP]

There's just no point in doing something if it isn't right. That's all.

[dualismum]

when people do something they believe it's wrong, they apologize to others for doing it. It's part of being friends - to apologize when you have wronged someone you care for.

trying to hurt you like that is definitively something I feel that wronged you.


[ SO. STOP IT??? ]

This is what friends do, Lapis.

[oceanthief]

I don't think friends let each other wrong themselves and act like it doesn't matter, either.

[this is the worst thing in the world, she's actually been learning from all her time stuck here on earth.]

You can take as much time as you need, but I'm not going to change my mind.

[dualismum]

..................

[ he sighs ]

Fine. Don't accept my apology then. But I still didn't mean to hurt you. [ HE CAN BE STUBBORN TOO ]

[oceanthief]

That doesn't mean anything. What you want never changes what actually happens.

[somehow she says this without an unkind note in the entire thing, despite how firm Lapis' tone is. intent couldn't change the past - it really held little weight in the world.]

[dualismum]

it means I'll try my best so it won't happen again.

[oceanthief]

Then talk about that, not the past.

[dualismum]

[ IT'S JUST HOW PEOPLE SPEAK LAPIS. ]

R-ight. I will. [ he gives up. FINE ]

[oceanthief]

[YEAH WELL TELL THAT TO A GEM]

Good. [she sounds so serious, like she just negotiated a major treaty.] Next time we see each other it'll be a little nicer.

[dualismum]

Yes, I do hope so.

[oceanthief]

You don't have to. I'll make sure.

[dualismum]

Oh? And how can you make sure of it? [ a playful tone now ]

[oceanthief]

[ok, no, she sort of recognizes that kind of tone. she's supposed to make a joke here, right? give her a second, she can do it, she can totally do it...]

It's more fun if it's a mystery.

[NAILED IT]

[dualismum]

[ congratulations, Bob, you are getting there! ]

You might be right!


Do you eat, Lapis? I mean- do gems eat or taste food or anything of the sort?

[oceanthief]

[IT'S LAPIS ;A;]

We can eat, but we don't have to. Why?