maskormenace | (no subject)

[Bart Allen is standing on the border of Heropa, by the ubiquitous 'Welcome to (City)' sign that towns just love to put up on the umpteen different major roads that lead in and out of town.]

Yeah, welcome to sunny Heropa, where the small town folks are the salt of the earth. An Earth. One of many. Or maybe many of one, but it's been splintered over and over again by time travelers stepping on too many violets until people walk on their hands and marry dolphins.

You know. Man marries dolphin is a total Florida man story. Do they have Florida Man here? What am I gonna read on this thing without Florida man?

So. Um. Do I get to object about being in Florida? Look at this.

[Bart swerves the camera down to his free hand.]

The humidity pools in between your fingers standing still. Forget jogging. That's like a blind date with heatstroke with about 2 seconds notice.

I mean... the beach isn't far, so that's one up on Alabama and like 15 up on Kansas. I don't know what people do in Florida. You know. Gators in swimming pools, sweating, beach, tanning, drinking 10 gallons of water, peeing, nicknaming each other Pork Chop, pimping out their cars with cell phone jammers.

All of that's great, but I'm bored man. If they're gonna suck me into an alternate universe, they could at least hook me up with some video games.

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[There was no way. Just no way that that could be Bart. It sounded like, and not just because of his voice but the random crap that came out of it. It looked like him, although a tamer and older version of him which to be honest, Kon was so used to now it didn't phase him. Or even upset him. Not completely.

What was there, was a building excitement. He makes the reply private, because the guy has a secret ID and he has family here that he'll find out about. And there are too many villains around to jeopordise something like that publicly.]

When are you not bored? [There's a pause, which would be so much longer for Bart.]

Yes it's me. [Because he'd had the shock happen so often that he was taking steps to address the fact he was so different from what people knew, before they could comment.]

[ Yes way bro. Yes way all the way, except no way, because what is with that haircut?

Also, hahahaha secret ID. Max Mercury is rolling over in his grave over the death of Bart's secret ID. Way to go on the televised funeral, Titans. ]

When you go back to spit curls and Dippity Do. Then I'm. I dunno, momentarily intrigued. Is Halloween messed up here too? Is it Halloween? Do they still give out candy? Is candy corn still striped the same?

[He can address why it wouldn't be Kon after he is reassured that he can have his own body weight in sugar, for free, once a year.

Edited 2016-06-04 00:33 (UTC)

[WELL LOOK, he's just being careful. Just cause Bart doesn't have a secret identity...okay they both don't but that's not the point.

Kon just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. To be fair, that was probably the best response he had had to him being, well him.]

Dude, it's June and they better still give out candy or I'm asking for a refund on everything. Although, I heard candy corn is actually orange, white then green for extra spook factor.

[The horror. The horror. Green has invaded his precious bland sugar and corn syrup.]

Do they hafta ruin everything?

It's as if they really enjoy doin' it aswell!

[ She's just going to eye that name a moment. Cause... yeah. ]

You do know that "Florida Man" isn't one singular man, right? Technically, you could read about Florida Man by just reading the local news.

Speaking of enjoying things.

[ Huge, toothy grin. ]

I am super enjoying your hair right now, SB. You know what would make it better? Two belts.

There's a fun arcade in Heropa!

[ Bart shushes her repeatedly and holds a hand up, palm out. ]

Don't ruin this for me. It's bad enough someone had to go ruining hot dogs on me. Do not ruin Florida Man.

[ Oooooh no. No. She tilts her head. ]

Did you really just shush me?

Don't you dare dis my hair.

Arcade? I'm in. So is it coin op? How retro are the games?

I'm just going to call permanent dibs on Blastomatic 3000.

[ Nope. Actually, equal parts nope and yes. ]

Why is peeing on that list?

Well, yeah. Shushing's more polite than shut up, and would you be rude to a random cute person saying hi?

Dude. Have you tried drinking ten gallons of water and NOT peeing?

[ Yeah, you know how comms have IDs? Pfff. Who has the time to check those? Not this guy. ]

So. What you're saying is. The belts are fair game.

I — [ And then her brain sputters to a halt, finally taking in what he said. Did he just tell her to shut up and then hit on her? She pinches the bridge of her nose. ]

I make it a point to try to avoid being rude to anyone.

[Stare. He should have said something about those too.]

I'm completely off limits. As the youngest, I've totally got immunity.

[ The former, not intentionally. He was explaining how shushes avoided the phrase. The latter, well. Technically yes. He likes brunettes, but can tell that she's probably too old for him.

He figures compliments can brighten someone's day.

He's not bright. ]

Same. It's like. Everyone's trying to get from sun up to sun down as smooth as they can, you know? Why throw shade? It's like emptying a dump truck of gravel in their path. Not cool.

Uh... retro? That means "old", right?

[ Sorry, Bart! Even though she's been here two years there's still a lot for her to learn. ]

No, Bart, I haven't because typically you die by the time you drink ten gallons of water.

[ Barry how is that a proper comment. ]

Also, I've yet to be nicknamed Pork Chop.

Listen, Pork Chop, I can drink 10 gallons of water in a day if I want to.

There. Crossed that one off your bucket list, Porky.

[ Please let them never talk about ages, because she's sure she's not going to like what she hears. ]

I've heard it put other ways, but I know. Plus, an actual dump truck of gravel is going to ruin anyone's day.

[ Nope. ]

Bartholomew Henry Allen, if you call me pork chop or porky again, I will exercise my rights as the older of us and as your alternate universe grandfather and maybe remind you that you shouldn't call people that.

I dunno if you're the youngest. Did we ever work that one out? I passed trig. We can totally do this.

Also immunity requires a totem or. Something. Batman's approval.

Edited 2016-06-04 02:03 (UTC)

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