Bart Allen (
backinakidflash) wrote in
maskormenace2016-06-03 07:37 pm
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[Bart Allen is standing on the border of Heropa, by the ubiquitous 'Welcome to (City)' sign that towns just love to put up on the umpteen different major roads that lead in and out of town.]
Yeah, welcome to sunny Heropa, where the small town folks are the salt of the earth. An Earth. One of many. Or maybe many of one, but it's been splintered over and over again by time travelers stepping on too many violets until people walk on their hands and marry dolphins.
You know. Man marries dolphin is a total Florida man story. Do they have Florida Man here? What am I gonna read on this thing without Florida man?
So. Um. Do I get to object about being in Florida? Look at this.
[Bart swerves the camera down to his free hand.]
The humidity pools in between your fingers standing still. Forget jogging. That's like a blind date with heatstroke with about 2 seconds notice.
I mean... the beach isn't far, so that's one up on Alabama and like 15 up on Kansas. I don't know what people do in Florida. You know. Gators in swimming pools, sweating, beach, tanning, drinking 10 gallons of water, peeing, nicknaming each other Pork Chop, pimping out their cars with cell phone jammers.
All of that's great, but I'm bored man. If they're gonna suck me into an alternate universe, they could at least hook me up with some video games.
Yeah, welcome to sunny Heropa, where the small town folks are the salt of the earth. An Earth. One of many. Or maybe many of one, but it's been splintered over and over again by time travelers stepping on too many violets until people walk on their hands and marry dolphins.
You know. Man marries dolphin is a total Florida man story. Do they have Florida Man here? What am I gonna read on this thing without Florida man?
So. Um. Do I get to object about being in Florida? Look at this.
[Bart swerves the camera down to his free hand.]
The humidity pools in between your fingers standing still. Forget jogging. That's like a blind date with heatstroke with about 2 seconds notice.
I mean... the beach isn't far, so that's one up on Alabama and like 15 up on Kansas. I don't know what people do in Florida. You know. Gators in swimming pools, sweating, beach, tanning, drinking 10 gallons of water, peeing, nicknaming each other Pork Chop, pimping out their cars with cell phone jammers.
All of that's great, but I'm bored man. If they're gonna suck me into an alternate universe, they could at least hook me up with some video games.

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What was there, was a building excitement. He makes the reply private, because the guy has a secret ID and he has family here that he'll find out about. And there are too many villains around to jeopordise something like that publicly.]
When are you not bored? [There's a pause, which would be so much longer for Bart.]
Yes it's me. [Because he'd had the shock happen so often that he was taking steps to address the fact he was so different from what people knew, before they could comment.]
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Also, hahahaha secret ID. Max Mercury is rolling over in his grave over the death of Bart's secret ID. Way to go on the televised funeral, Titans. ]
When you go back to spit curls and Dippity Do. Then I'm. I dunno, momentarily intrigued. Is Halloween messed up here too? Is it Halloween? Do they still give out candy? Is candy corn still striped the same?
[He can address why it wouldn't be Kon after he is reassured that he can have his own body weight in sugar, for free, once a year.
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You do know that "Florida Man" isn't one singular man, right? Technically, you could read about Florida Man by just reading the local news.
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Don't ruin this for me. It's bad enough someone had to go ruining hot dogs on me. Do not ruin Florida Man.
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Video; wow I'm already sorry.
video; omg i love it
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oh wow i can read good, yup.
It's okay, I rolled with it.
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I'm just going to call permanent dibs on Blastomatic 3000.
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Why is peeing on that list?
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[ Yeah, you know how comms have IDs? Pfff. Who has the time to check those? Not this guy. ]
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[She'll grin and wave.]
If you don't like the heat, there's like, three other import cities that are further north. But then you don't get beaches and that sweet arcade.
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And he'll smile and wave back because, why not. Friendly people are awesome.]
Beaches and the sweet arcade are huge wins. Really. Sweet tea would be even better. They do sweet tea in Florida right? It's southern. Ish. Like it's south, but it's sorta. Not Southern.
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Sometimes we try to catch flamingos. Pro tip: don't.
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This feed features a stiff, wide-eyed young man who shall be known as Not Happy Bart. Bart doesn't have a very good poker face, but he's trying. He's trying to imitate that straight-mouthed look all the Robins have mastered.
He doesn't like being caught flat-footed, and he doesn't care much what anyone's told him about How It Happened. That includes Google, libraries, the files on the Titans computers, newspaper articles. Oh, yes. Bart has made it a point to find out all of the things about his death and the events preceding and proceeding it. He thinks it's a natural thing, to want to know all of the circumstances when he has the opportunity. To fill in the gaps of all the questions that he didn't have the time to ask in the last moments.
Which means he also knows where James Jesse is right now. And that he's kinda there because he was wrongly accused of Bart's murder, when really he was just complicit in the deed. His morals are screaming that it's hair-splitting, but there is something... bizarrely guilt-inducing about knowing that someone is dead because of him.
Even if the only thing he did to lead to it was, in fact, die as well.
So he's angry, but he's also freaked out because there is a dead man talking to him. Then, he thinks that's alive-ist. Bart is, after all, formerly dead. Er, formally dead and then temporarily trapped inside a Black Lantern ring zombie... double formerly dead? Maybe?
He wants to yell. He has every right to yell, and yet there are people talking to him on this feed that he does not want to show weakness in front of. Oddly enough, none of them are Rogues. His friends have been through enough without him turning into a mess when he's fine. He's alive. He's fine. He's got this. ]
Trickster.
[Tight nod. Cool as cucumber, smooth as a marble. His hands are vibrating though.]
I'll try to stay out of the way of innocent flamingos.
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[ He can't deal with the concept of moving house because Tim Drake is here. ]
You're not back in the green tights, right? Or secretly a tiny Barry Allen or flipping Trickster? Because I'm feeling very Alice right now, and I'm not loving this side of the looking glass. On a scale of french fries, today's meal is from Burger King.
So if you're any of those things, can we do this tomorrow?
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...Who is Florida Man?
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Jaime almost doesn't respond to this, because this isn't his Bart, the one he knows and loves, but how can he hold it against the kid? Bart sure didn't hold it against him when he came here and found his best pal (essss-ay, her-man-ohhhh, and oh, nobody will ever mistreat the Spanish language the same way as that kid again) looking at him without any trace of recognition.
So he puts on a good face, and answers like he would any other person.]
I'd try saving up first, and seeing what you can buy later. It's not so hard; they give us jobs when we show up, after all.
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The point is, Bart would get it if Jaime brought it up. As it is, he's out of sorts and doesn't notice any unfamiliarity. ]
A job in a sushi restaurant. They might as well give me all the diseases in the world now and bury me in asparagus purée and make me eat my way out because it's never gonna happen.
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You entertain yourself a lot, doncha?
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Ugh, sorry I thought I tagged this.
it happens!!
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argh that poopy html
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Poor Florida man and dolphin partner.
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And they do make video games here, you know.
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[ Sad, sage nod. ]
Yeah. But it's going to be months before I can afford a console. I don't know what's good anyway. They're probably all about beating up Russia.
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