(no subject)

[backinakidflash]

[Bart Allen is standing on the border of Heropa, by the ubiquitous 'Welcome to (City)' sign that towns just love to put up on the umpteen different major roads that lead in and out of town.]

Yeah, welcome to sunny Heropa, where the small town folks are the salt of the earth. An Earth. One of many. Or maybe many of one, but it's been splintered over and over again by time travelers stepping on too many violets until people walk on their hands and marry dolphins.

You know. Man marries dolphin is a total Florida man story. Do they have Florida Man here? What am I gonna read on this thing without Florida man?

So. Um. Do I get to object about being in Florida? Look at this.

[Bart swerves the camera down to his free hand.]

The humidity pools in between your fingers standing still. Forget jogging. That's like a blind date with heatstroke with about 2 seconds notice.

I mean... the beach isn't far, so that's one up on Alabama and like 15 up on Kansas. I don't know what people do in Florida. You know. Gators in swimming pools, sweating, beach, tanning, drinking 10 gallons of water, peeing, nicknaming each other Pork Chop, pimping out their cars with cell phone jammers.

All of that's great, but I'm bored man. If they're gonna suck me into an alternate universe, they could at least hook me up with some video games.

Comments

Video - Private

[tactile_telekinesis]

[There was no way. Just no way that that could be Bart. It sounded like, and not just because of his voice but the random crap that came out of it. It looked like him, although a tamer and older version of him which to be honest, Kon was so used to now it didn't phase him. Or even upset him. Not completely.

What was there, was a building excitement. He makes the reply private, because the guy has a secret ID and he has family here that he'll find out about. And there are too many villains around to jeopordise something like that publicly.]

When are you not bored? [There's a pause, which would be so much longer for Bart.]

Yes it's me. [Because he'd had the shock happen so often that he was taking steps to address the fact he was so different from what people knew, before they could comment.]

Video - Private

[backinakidflash]

[ Yes way bro. Yes way all the way, except no way, because what is with that haircut?

Also, hahahaha secret ID. Max Mercury is rolling over in his grave over the death of Bart's secret ID. Way to go on the televised funeral, Titans. ]

When you go back to spit curls and Dippity Do. Then I'm. I dunno, momentarily intrigued. Is Halloween messed up here too? Is it Halloween? Do they still give out candy? Is candy corn still striped the same?

[He can address why it wouldn't be Kon after he is reassured that he can have his own body weight in sugar, for free, once a year.

video;

[trigeminalheadache]

[ She's just going to eye that name a moment. Cause... yeah. ]

You do know that "Florida Man" isn't one singular man, right? Technically, you could read about Florida Man by just reading the local news.

video;

[backinakidflash]

[ Bart shushes her repeatedly and holds a hand up, palm out. ]

Don't ruin this for me. It's bad enough someone had to go ruining hot dogs on me. Do not ruin Florida Man.

video

[huntergames]

There's a fun arcade in Heropa!

video

[backinakidflash]

Arcade? I'm in. So is it coin op? How retro are the games?

I'm just going to call permanent dibs on Blastomatic 3000.

video.

[tardily]

[ Nope. Actually, equal parts nope and yes. ]

Why is peeing on that list?

Video.

[backinakidflash]

Dude. Have you tried drinking ten gallons of water and NOT peeing?

[ Yeah, you know how comms have IDs? Pfff. Who has the time to check those? Not this guy. ]

private

[airshow]

This one's very angry, Flash.

Video

[foreverbouncing]

[Charlie is perched on the edge of a rooftop somewhere in De Chima when she sees this. Huh. This place sure was full of dead people. Still, whatever, she'd never gotten to meet him when he was alive so why...not...]

[She'll grin and wave.]

If you don't like the heat, there's like, three other import cities that are further north. But then you don't get beaches and that sweet arcade.

Video

[backinakidflash]

[ He got better!

And he'll smile and wave back because, why not. Friendly people are awesome.]

Beaches and the sweet arcade are huge wins. Really. Sweet tea would be even better. They do sweet tea in Florida right? It's southern. Ish. Like it's south, but it's sorta. Not Southern.

[airshow]

[ ... oh, hell. Well, okay, this is clearly a different Bart. That's A) disappointing, but mostly B) alarming. Without any immediate way to tell what world he's from or if he'd remember dying and everything else that went along with it... James decides it might be safest to just play it casual. Nice and slippery, plausible deniability, all that. ]

Sometimes we try to catch flamingos. Pro tip: don't.

[backinakidflash]

[ You see all those other feeds? Those feeds are feature what one would call Happy Bart. Yes, even the very weird one with Barry.

This feed features a stiff, wide-eyed young man who shall be known as Not Happy Bart. Bart doesn't have a very good poker face, but he's trying. He's trying to imitate that straight-mouthed look all the Robins have mastered.

He doesn't like being caught flat-footed, and he doesn't care much what anyone's told him about How It Happened. That includes Google, libraries, the files on the Titans computers, newspaper articles. Oh, yes. Bart has made it a point to find out all of the things about his death and the events preceding and proceeding it. He thinks it's a natural thing, to want to know all of the circumstances when he has the opportunity. To fill in the gaps of all the questions that he didn't have the time to ask in the last moments.

Which means he also knows where James Jesse is right now. And that he's kinda there because he was wrongly accused of Bart's murder, when really he was just complicit in the deed. His morals are screaming that it's hair-splitting, but there is something... bizarrely guilt-inducing about knowing that someone is dead because of him.

Even if the only thing he did to lead to it was, in fact, die as well.

So he's angry, but he's also freaked out because there is a dead man talking to him. Then, he thinks that's alive-ist. Bart is, after all, formerly dead. Er, formally dead and then temporarily trapped inside a Black Lantern ring zombie... double formerly dead? Maybe?

He wants to yell. He has every right to yell, and yet there are people talking to him on this feed that he does not want to show weakness in front of. Oddly enough, none of them are Rogues. His friends have been through enough without him turning into a mess when he's fine. He's alive. He's fine. He's got this. ]

Trickster.

[Tight nod. Cool as cucumber, smooth as a marble. His hands are vibrating though.]

I'll try to stay out of the way of innocent flamingos.

video; private

[alreadywon]

- Bart? [Yeah hi, Bart. Tim looks tired (when does he not?) but he's definitely appearing from his semi-hiding for this.] You, uh - You should be able to move. If you want.

video; private

[backinakidflash]

Tim?

[ He can't deal with the concept of moving house because Tim Drake is here. ]

You're not back in the green tights, right? Or secretly a tiny Barry Allen or flipping Trickster? Because I'm feeling very Alice right now, and I'm not loving this side of the looking glass. On a scale of french fries, today's meal is from Burger King.

So if you're any of those things, can we do this tomorrow?

Voice

[lastnerv]

[Shinji has one burning quesiton.]

...Who is Florida Man?

Voice

[backinakidflash]

He's not the superhero we need, but he's the superhero we deserve.

video

[khajidont]

[Well, shit.

Jaime almost doesn't respond to this, because this isn't his Bart, the one he knows and loves, but how can he hold it against the kid? Bart sure didn't hold it against him when he came here and found his best pal (essss-ay, her-man-ohhhh, and oh, nobody will ever mistreat the Spanish language the same way as that kid again) looking at him without any trace of recognition.

So he puts on a good face, and answers like he would any other person.]

I'd try saving up first, and seeing what you can buy later. It's not so hard; they give us jobs when we show up, after all.

video

[backinakidflash]

[ It's funny how superheroes do that to each other. The first (moniker) that they meet is automatically theirs. Tim Drake will always be "his" Robin, he has dibs on Mia as Speedy and eventual Green Arrow, and someday he'd like a GL friend of his very own. Kyle doesn't count; Wally got there first.

The point is, Bart would get it if Jaime brought it up. As it is, he's out of sorts and doesn't notice any unfamiliarity. ]

A job in a sushi restaurant. They might as well give me all the diseases in the world now and bury me in asparagus purée and make me eat my way out because it's never gonna happen.

Video

[foreshadower]

Or, you could entertain yourself! [ A pause. ] I'm sure you could scurry around, find something to do.

Video

[backinakidflash]

Yeah. Doesn't that sound. [ Tedious and antisocial. ] Swell.

You entertain yourself a lot, doncha?

video

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

A dolphin-human romance would be so tragic! I mean, the wedding would be beautiful, cause it'd have to be seaside, right? But then they'd live in such different worlds. And their children! Where would there children be accepted? Would their children be accepted?

Poor Florida man and dolphin partner.

video

[backinakidflash]

Raise a bottle of sunscreen to the happy marriage and doomed life of Florida Man and Dolphin Spouse.

Video;

[notyourfathersosborn]

This world would be a dark, dark place without Florida Man.

And they do make video games here, you know.

Re: Video;

[backinakidflash]

The news wouldn't be worth reading.

[ Sad, sage nod. ]

Yeah. But it's going to be months before I can afford a console. I don't know what's good anyway. They're probably all about beating up Russia.