maskormenace | Entry #004

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Entry #004 | Video

[ Here is Gansey, looking a little strange. He’s wearing a navy-blue sweater emblazoned with a raven – an Aglionby school sweater, over what appears to be ordinary clothes. His shoulders and hair are damp, like he’s been rained on, and he looks strangely pale. Despite that, he’s displaying a welcoming smile, and his hazel eyes are bright and vital with some emotion he’s holding back. ]

Apparently, I vanished yesterday.

I say apparently because it feels more like several weeks ago, but according to this – [ he holds up one of De Chima’s daily newspapers – a tabloid, headlined with speculation about the upcoming import elections ] – it’s only been a day.

A lot can happen in a day. Sometimes things that give you perspective.

Can I ask – the school year is almost over. Some of you will be graduating. I will. Which is odd, because I was here for eight months, and then I went home and it was Fall again, and Senior year was just beginning. I’m not completely sure what age I am now. I turned eighteen a couple of months ago.

[ Which, he actually never mentioned. It had seemed like there were more important things to be getting along with, and the thought of getting older in the wrong world had annoyed Gansey anyway. He’d kept quiet. Now, if he could do that over again, he thinks he’d celebrate it more – even though he’s only mentioning it now because it’s relevant to this. ]

Then I go home, and I’m seventeen again, so now I don’t even know what counts. Graduation will, though, I know that much.

So: to everyone else who’s graduating. Or even if you’re not, even if it’s just that you see change coming for you. What are your plans? Will you work, will you travel? What would you like to do, ideally? I think I’m ready for it to be summer again.

Private to: Billy Kaplan, Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny, Matthew Lynch

[ This part goes to everyone’s private inboxes. Gansey’s smile is less presidential here, but his eyes are even sharper. He seems energized, like he’s on the edge of something. His voice is trying not to sound like it. ]

Hey, everyone. I very much hope I didn’t worry you. I think I was mid-conversation with you, Billy. I’ll have to blame my rudeness on the Porter.

Listen, I’m on my way home. Could someone bring the car and pick me up? I’m getting pizza from that Italian place near the porter in De Chima. I’m absolutely famished.

I’d…like to know if anyone else vanished, too. Ronan, Adam?

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Declan.

[ Matthew sort of sighs his other brother's name; it's been so long since he's seen him. But he's more happy to hear that Declan's fine than he is sad about being apart from him.

After the last twenty-four hours, Matthew is quite ready to not be sad about anything for a little while, his smile becoming more gentle, relaxed. ]

Ronan's--

[ He considers. Ronan was a little frightful. ]

You know Ronan. He'll be glad you're back.

[ Even if he doesn't sound like it right away. ]

I've always thought that the best philosophy in circumstances like this is you're whatever age you want to be. [ the Doctor simply shrugs, as if that's the most obvious thing in the world. ]

Course, legally you're bound to run into a few problems with things like that, but you can deal with those problems when you get to it.

[ Oh christ, it's this asshole.

Dorian's behaving though, as he responds solely with a small nod and a simple ] Welcome back.

I'm not going to make you walk. Parrish is coming with.

[ He's definitely angry with him.

Meanwhile, Gansey's mind is a whirlwind. His last view of Ronan had shown him in intense pain, while he struggled with something that was trying to kill him from the inside out. Before that, he'd been fighting through the grief that came with finding the body of his second parent in two years.

He's fine now. But he's also from before all of that. He has all of that to come. And he should be safe, he should live, because of what Gansey did, but Gansey also hasn't seen him to know for sure and -

And Ronan is angry with him now. It's too much. ]

You know I didn't choose to leave.

It didn't but you can take your time.

Is...

Are you okay?

[ He doesn't know what word to give to this feeling inside of his chest. It's part panic, part hollow emptiness. He wants to ask so much. Is Gansey actually all right? What happened in the weeks he was home? Did they find the third sleeper? Did they find Glendower?

He'd spent the last twenty four hours silently furious that he wasn't there to protect him, half out of his mind with worry that his friend might die and he wouldn't be there to do anything about it. ]

I know.

[ He just wants to see him. ]

I can probably knock off an hour earlier. I stayed late last week. You won't go anywhere?

[ ...Dorian Gray.

Of course, this couldn't just be simple. ]

Thank you.

Keeping well, Dorian?

[ Gansey is fairly sure every authority on Earth would disagree with that, but okay. It makes him smile a bit anyway. ]

Within reason, I suppose. I never expected to double back on my own timeline, but I suppose that's the risk everyone takes in this place.

I don't think I mind, though. I want the next step. I think I've been in one place for too long, if that makes sense.

You were only gone for a day or two, [ Dorian can't help but remark, a small little smirk of a smile on his face. It's less malicious, more teasing. ] Nothing went entirely to hell during that time.

[ look at him, being polite and keeping things calm. After that last fight with Gansey, he's DEFINITELY doing his best to be calm and polite and not confrontational in the slightest, surely that one fight was a fluke, right? Right. ]

[ He sounds more like they've been fighting. Gansey knows it's just because he'd disappeared, and it'll pass.

That does not make it easier. He hates fighting with his friends when they're actually fighting, never mind when they're not. ]

He's coming to get me, so it looks like I'll see you soon. Will I bring you anything?

Your options are pizza, or more pizza. Possibly I can swing to a soda.

[ His expression is complicated, working a little too hard at holding itself together. ]

I am now. It's been an exciting week.

The strangest thing is that I've gone from so much happening all at once, to...this. With a whole eight months of memories that I didn't have five minutes ago, and that's very strange.

[ A pause. ]

Different powers, too. They tell me my Charmspeak's gone.

I wonder though, is it really doubling back or is it just popping out and then popping back in? There's too many questions about this place that I'd be hesitant to call it something as simple as "doubling back."

[ But time to talk about other things. The Doctor nods because hoo boy does he understand the feeling of wanderlust. ] It sticks in you, you know. If you stay for a place too long, it sticks to your ribs like a fatty food. Some people love that—course, I hate it, but you've got to make do with this world.

[ That makes him smile, too.

Christ, Kitty Jones. He feels as though he's missed her, even though that's not even physically possible. ]

Nearly, but not quite.

All right, then. We should do something together, maybe. It feels like I haven't seen you in weeks. I know that's ridiculous.

[ Matthew, surprisingly, doesn't immediately jump on the offer of food, choosing instead to consider the Ronan issue a little longer. ]

He might act upset. [ A little shrug. ] He just missed you.

[ Gansey already knows that, probably. He knows what losing people does to Ronan Lynch, how his grief pulled their whole family apart. And surely Gansey knows, too, how important he is, what it meant when he disappeared. ]

I mean, we all did.

[ But everything will be fine again, now, Matthew is sure. ]

I'm glad you're back. And any kind of pizza is good!

It feels like it's been too long for me, too, and I've not had any time-displacements at all. How does tea sound?

[He tucks his knees up onto his bed. In the dim light, his eyes look too dark. He may be alive now, bounding off his own energy, but Noah is still an otherworldly thing. They can never forget.

One nod, hesitant and gentle. His voice is soft.]

Everything happens at once. Our whole lives... You never realize it, then.

[ Noah is a boy who is a ghost, and here, he's a ghost in a living body.

He looks more ghost than boy right now, though. And he's still more alive than Gansey has ever known him in their own world. There was a time when he'd been so sure he could have saved Noah, but that was never going to happen.

Noah saved him, instead. Noah always saves him. ]

I do.

Sometimes. It takes me by surprise, and I used to think it was because I died.

Now I think it's because of Cabeswater. I think it's because I lived. Noah, I'm so sorry.

[ For the decay. For being too late. For all of it. ]

It's weird, isn't it? One time, I was gone for, like, a week, but for me it was months. I think you just gotta go with the age that you wanna be, unless you want to screw around with all that math. I say celebrate your birthday when it happens here anyway, and you'll be solid.

[That's the way Jaime's been doing it, anyway... not that he actually celebrated his last birthday.]

I graduated last year, and just went straight to work. Been doing some school on the side, but that's just to up my paygrade. What're you planning on doing?

[Noah shakes his head. No one owes him anything, but least of all Gansey. If Noah's chance at a life had to go to anyone else, he's glad it was this ridiculous, brilliant boy in front of him.]

I had my life, Gansey. It was over, years ago.

[He sees that now, outside the endless ebb and flow of time, with his head finally clear.]

I didn't want you to throw yours away.

[ It was, and Gansey knows it. He'd seen what was left, everything that Noah had been hiding. The shell that the demon had exploited, and turned Noah against his own.

Gansey remembers the guilt that Noah had shown him, here. Guilt he had never seen at home, because it was too late, always too late. He hadn't deserved that, either. ]

I won't. I promise you. This is the first time in years that I've felt it wasn't chasing me.

Do you think you can do the same? Now that you're here.

[ Gansey wants to see them. He wants to see all of them. Blue and Henry aren't here, but the others are.

There's so much they don't know. Gansey wants to see Ronan to make sure he's all right, even though he has no idea why he might be otherwise. How is he going to explain any of that? How is he going to control what shows on his face?

Seeing them is more important than any of that. ]

Not if I have a choice. I wouldn't have left you here if I'd had a choice, Adam.

You were there at home, though. All of you were. You'll get home, believe me.

It sounds good. Providing you make it, as always.

Barring any further unexpected exits, when is good for you?

I know.

[ He really does. He's seen what loss does to Ronan. He'd seen it after Niall died, and recently too, after Aurora...

After Aurora died. Christ, she's Matthew's mother. Gansey looks quickly away. He will absolutely not be the one to tell Matthew about that. ]

I'm glad I'm back, too. I didn't think I would be, but after all, I can't go home without all of you, can I?

If you'd like, we could do Sunday. We could get all of us together, actually - all of you Virginia boys, and Billy, and Nathaniel.

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Entry #004 | Video

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