O3 👶 VIDEO (road not taken)

[pillz]

[the teenager in the video is wearing a green beanie. it must be new because there's still a price tag poking out behind his left ear. he beams at the camera with the slightly choreographed but earnest good nature of a closet introvert on his first day of school.

his eyes are slightly small, a telltale sign for those who fraternitize with potheads.]

Hi! I'm Joe. I guess I must have like, retrograde amnesia or something because I found this folder of brochures and stuff about a Porter and superheroes and nanomachines and whatever but I don't remember any of it from before? Anyway I just have a couple questions.

Number one. My neighbor is eleven and he told me their classroom pet just died, and I told the school I'm going to get them new ones. Then I started to think about, you know, the ethics of making animals that don't need to eat or poo. I mean, I'm not super religious, Darwinism seems kinda accurate, and even though I'm a vegan but I get that cows were just way too small for the industry before we had breeds. Mankind has been messing around with genetics for a long time. But it seems like a slippery slope, right? When does messing with life itself turn into like-- the crippling hubris that comes with the presumption of human convenience? Will Mother Nature fight back? Does the balance correct itself? You know? And is it important for eleven-year-olds to learn about cleaning poop? And if someone like, hypothetically... [he pauses with the subtlety of a bsod.] got a bird that doesn't eat or poopoo, and they decided it was unethical to give it to fifth graders, what should he do with it? And before anyone asks, it has a butthole and a mouth hole.

Okay. [he sucks in air as if he'd started to run out partway through that ramble (probably).] Okay. My other question is, does anyone else want to do a juice cleanse? Because I guess I was doing some kind of messed up diet. I lost twenty pounds and had like three hundred pills in my cabinet, but I feel super bloated and gross. Right now, I'm seriously even willing to consider wheatgrass or cod oil even though I usually can't stand the taste of fishy burps. And, you know, vegan. I could use a diet buddy. Or a group. I'm into groups. But not yoga or weights or meditation.

Hiking, I love hiking. And four-wheeling. If anyone sees an olive colored ATV with a 1984 sticker around, that's mine.

Okay get back to me. Later! [he waves enthusiastically at the camera, then hangs up.]

Comments

[pillz]

Humoring me?

[joseph kavinsky looks offended. i know that's a ridiculous sentence, but he does.]

Does your friend know your opinions on Mountain View, dude?

[quaerit]

[ Gansey lifts his eyebrows. ]

And exactly what do you know about my 'opinions' on Mountain View?

[pillz]

Just that you'd have to humor somebody who goes, Christ.

[this version of kavinsky isn't 'confrontational' the way that the other one is. but he does find himself quite obligated to defend the school, particularly against aglionby boys.

bizarro world. gansey probably recognizes the cant of his shoulders. blue does it, sometimes.]

[quaerit]

[ Cue eye-rolling. ]

That has nothing to do with Mountain View, and everything to do with you.

You don't go there, you go to Aglionby. This, everything that you think you can remember. It's not real.

Suffice it to say, you're not the only one affected.

[pillz]

What.

[kavinsky pauses. this seems impossible. but then he switches through a few other threads and&mash;]

We know each other?

[quaerit]

I know Joseph Kavinsky. I don't think I know you at all.

[ A pause. He's been alive to those other threads, too. ]

This is all wrong. You really think you're friends with Blue?

[pillz]

I'm Joseph Kavinsky, [says joseph "joey" kavinsky, with what appears to be earnest sincerity.] But I guess at least one of us has a jacked up memory. Damn.

[he looks less peevish now, on the upside. he will concede that there are more important things than the rivalry between private and public schools of henrietta. fine, whatever.]

Yeah I do. I mean, why would I lie about something like that? [a beat.] You think I'd lie about something like that?

[quaerit]

[ Gansey thinks he would lie about almost anything, actually, so yes. ]

Well, it's just...

Who is she, where you're from? Isn't she friends with all of us?

[pillz]

She's Blue Sargent.

[the real meaning of this eluding kavinsky somewhat. human experience doesn't seem very subjective when you're anxious, confused, and feeling a bit abandoned by your bff.]

Her boyfriend goes to Aglionby, I guess. Maybe she might know you through him. I think his best friend's gay too, but he's Chinese or something. I almost met them once. They came over for a reading. Her family's all psychics. I got outta there because business. I don't know what their question was. [a beat.]

That sound familiar to you?

[quaerit]

Somewhat. Except I'm not Chinese.

[ Gansey wonders offhand if Kavinsky means Henry, who also is not Chinese, but who is at least Asian. It's possible. Gansey tries to ignore the prickling worry of where that would leave him in their reality.

Not that it matters. He needs to fix this. Even if he likes this version of Kavinsky better than the real one, it would still be wrong to leave him this way. This isn't real. It's just a very attractive lie. ]

Listen, don't worry about it. I'm sure all this confusion will sort itself out. You should keep...juicing. And, actually, stay off the drugs, too. If you could remember that when you feel more like yourself again, it would do you a lot of good.

[pillz]

[gansey is

as a matter of fact

half right. not that he's likely to ever know the whole of it, before this is through. no great loss. he's entirely right about the other thing: it is a very attractive lie.] Well, I dunno. And I don't wanna freak you out. But the Chinese guy had a boyfriend.

[naturally.]

I feel like the pot is the only thing stopping me from puking up all my guts and dying, [he complains.] You really think I oughtta stop?

[quaerit]

Oh.

[ At first, Gansey is not sure why Kavinsky is telling him this, and he doesn't really read through the ramifications. Then it sinks in a little more, and his eyes widen. ]

Oh. And the boyfriend wasn't Ronan Lynch?

[ Actual Ronan Lynch will probably kill him for even suggesting such a thing, but this is so strange that he can't help himself. And if nothing else is clear from this post, it's that warped!Kavinsky still knows Ronan Lynch.

Speaking of the warping. ]

And yes, I think you ought to stop. Pot isn't helping you, it's just preventing you from dealing with life. That's what drugs do, and that's why they're bad. You could be better than this, Kavinsky.

[ Pause. A quick shake of his head. ]

I mean, Joe.

[pillz]

[kavinsky wrinkles his nose and shrinks slightly in the screen, curling up into a bony bundle.] I think it helps a little, [he says.] Some Zen moderation, man. Maybe you should try it. Might help.

[with your

whatever. kavinsky-- indeed, joe, is too polite to say what he thinks that whatever might be.]

But I'll take it into consideration. [he pokes out his mouth and visibly tries not to look sad.] If Ronan has a boyfriend I dunno about it.

[quaerit]

[ Jesus actual Christ, Kavinsky gets a full personality overhaul and an apparently different financial and social background, and he’s still obsessed with Ronan? Why, God? ]

Things seem to have rolled out differently for me. Hazard of living in a multiverse, I suppose. I doubt we’re from the same version of our worlds.

The Joseph Kavinsky I knew was definitely an Aglionby boy. I take it you don’t still streetrace?

[pillz]

[god or the universe has a funny sense of humor, basically.

but "joey" wouldn't think it were very funny, if he was aware that his current state is not the consequence of multiversal transportation so much as a magical accident that brainwashed him completely.]

Supercross, [he says.] I'd do motocross but that shit makes my parents nervous. Someday, I'm gonna go for a Kawasaki Ninja, though. They're just so fucking beautiful. [he goes momentarily starry-eyed.

and then he comes back with a blink.]

How've they rolled out for you now? You dating a white dude instead?

[quaerit]

[ So racing is still a theme, but it's more legitimate now. A Kavinsky with two parents who care about him.

Christ, is that the difference? Gansey feels a twinge of something like guilt. He'd spent a long time despising the effect this boy had on Ronan. He'd never really thought about what had made Kavinsky that way; he'd just seen him as having made his choices, and made bad ones at that. He'd written him off.

He shifts, feeling discomfited. ]

What?

[ Oh. Right. Alternate Universe Gansey who's dating Henry Cheng.

That should probably make him feel more strange than it does. It's surprisingly easy to accept. ]

No. I have a girlfriend, and so far as I know Henry isn't dating anyone. He, Blue, Adam and Ronan are all my friends. Are you friendly with Blue's family too?

[pillz]

[all reasons are valid, and no excuses justify. between the two of them, it's hard to say who looks more uncomfortable-- gansey with his cognitive shift, or "joey" struggling against a coke habit he doesn't realize he ever had.

this version of him, at least, would sooner the illness than the existential doubt. he is existentially pretty secure, really. and that's why he's, hashtag, not a canon the raven cycle character.]

Yeah, they're awesome. Like way more diverse than my family. Sometimes they get pissed at me cuz I say something stupid, but I'm learning a lot about like, culture. And gentrification. And stuff. Like. Magic. [a beat, and then something like worry settles in over his strained eyes.] Blue doesn't like me here, does she?

You, neither.

[quaerit]

[ Gansey feels himself almost smile, which is another strange thing to be happening around Kavinsky. All of this is strange.

Jesus. ]

The...other version of you isn't precisely a friend of ours.

[ That's about as politely as he can put it. ]

Listen, don't take it to heart. I'm sure this is all very strange to you. Tell me something: do you know of magic because of Blue, exclusively, or are we also talking about yours?

[pillz]

[kavinsky frowns deeply. it is fairly evident that he is taking it to heart, despite the other boy's advisement not to.]

It is very strange, [he agrees.] And I wanna know more. I mean I know a lot of people disagree about my stance on the legalization of marijuana, but like... I try not to be a dick about it and--

[he rubs his face, obviously trying not to make a big deal out of it because boys don't do that. and then clears his throat.] --Um. I have. Powers. I mean, [a little shiftily.] Everyone here does, right?

Blue and me worked together. Back in Henrietta. When she didn't hate me.

[grammar is still hard out here for a kid.]

[quaerit]

It's all right. I know you have powers, I won't tell anyone about them.

[ Not precisely for Kavinsky's sake, but because they're the same as Ronan's powers, and that's a secret Gansey guards carefully. ]

A lot of things were different at home, but that wasn't.

I'm trying to fix all of this. Hopefully everything will make sense again soon.

[ He'll try to convince himself that's not a bad thing in Kavinsky's case. ]

[pillz]

All right. [kavinsky looks a little concerned, still.] Thanks, I think.

Hey. Let me know if you need help. I mean I know that's weird. Just.

[just.]

[quaerit]

[ Kavinsky offering help to Gansey. The world really has gone mad. ]

Thank you, Joe. I'll remember that.

[ Christ, does he really have to change this for everyone? This doesn't feel like saving Kavinsky at all. ]