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[wizzardly]

This - !

[is an angry wizard, actually, in a lovely little hotel room. A wizard who is only on his second glass of wine. But he seems to be referencing the movie he's waving angrily at his communicator.

It's "The Wizard of Oz".]

- This is terrible! An absolute mockery, is what it is! I've had so many people bringing this up, and I think to watch it for myself, and I find - I find - right, so, the wizard is a fake. Let's address that first of all, shall we? They all go on this big quest to get to the wizard, and he's fake, but how did the people not realize that in the first place, that's what I want to know.

He doesn't even have a pointy hat.

[Rincewind waves a hand.]

It's all a bad message, is what it is! Making wizards look bad! And look, the whole thing about witches being green - I mean honestly, witches are scary enough on their own without all that. That's obviously added. And the flying monkeys -

[he shudders. Never mind, not addressing those. Those were terrifying.]

But I've certainly never heard anything about them melting with a bit of water. Even trained hydrophobes don't do that. Bloody ridiculous.

The whole thing is ridiculous, is what I'm really getting at. We're supposed to believe a scarecrow which can talk and walk about is brainless? Or what about it trying to get everyone to buy that the strange man with ribbons in his hair is "a lion"? And ignoring that whole bit about how this Dorothy person could have just clicked her heels the whole time, enchanted shoes aren't what they're cracked up to be in the first place, the University can tell you. Half of her would have probably been teleported back to Kansas faster than the other half, and that would have certainly been a bloody mess. Very gruesome.

Anyway, it was hideous and I don't understand why so many of you reference it in the first place.

[two thumbs down, says newly self-appointed movie critic Rincewind; only one and a half poorly-sequined stars.]

Comments

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[wizzardly]

What's that about this Arthur person and knights?

[and he's still going to huff even if all your points make sense, Fuu. He wouldn't be Rincewind otherwise.]

And, yes, well - it's going to give them a bad name. And he's not even punished for it in the end. Do you know in Ankh the punishment for impersonating a wizard is to be nailed upside down to one of the supports of the Brass Bridge for two high tides, and then be beheaded? This one gets off rather easily, I think.

[monster_san]

Oh, he was a mythical king of Britain. He pulled a sword from a stone, I think, and had a round table where all his knights were equals.

[She looks a little startled at the punishment he describes. She believes it; it's certainly in line with things like drawing and quartering or being nailed into a box to die. But her response sounds a little close to nonchalant.]

That sound a little excessive... and redundant. If he's already drowned, there doesn't seem much need for beheading.

[wizzardly]

What is it with the old legends and people ruling based on scavenger hunts? Pulling swords from lakes and stones and things, bloody nonsense. That's no basis for a system of government.

[do they even know the airspeed velocity of an unladen sparrow? The people have a right to know.]

I suppose the assumption is the beheading only follows if the tides aren't high enough.

[monster_san]

It says a lot about a man's grasp of a sword, not really his grasp of socioeconomic issues. Maybe they thought "The Tax Assessment and the Stone" was a less exciting title.

[it derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!]

I see... the wizards who wrote these laws sound very touchy, if you don't mind me saying so.

[wizzardly]

All wizards are touchy. It's something of a common theme between us. Really they've become a lot less so over the last few decades. ...Mostly because the touchier ones tended to blast each other apart with magic, I think.

[monster_san]

Ah, well that would certainly take care of the problem. I'm glad to hear that things are a little less contentious. It doesn't sound like it would be very enjoyable to study magic if your thesis defense is... an actual defense.

[wizzardly]

You're right there. Most wizard worth their salt wear protective spells most of the time anyway. The proper way they do each other in now is with sharp, heavy, or poisonous things. Wizardry's really come a long ways.

[monster_san]

Ah, progress! [a glassy smile.] Do you think one day they'll decide to do each other in with reason, or is that like wishing to sprout wings?

[wizzardly]

I think the only way that's going to come about is if murder stops being the way to get ahead in wizardry.

[monster_san]

Well, passing a law or two might be a first step...