video; open to action for Hotel Castile residents

[wizzardly]

This - !

[is an angry wizard, actually, in a lovely little hotel room. A wizard who is only on his second glass of wine. But he seems to be referencing the movie he's waving angrily at his communicator.

It's "The Wizard of Oz".]

- This is terrible! An absolute mockery, is what it is! I've had so many people bringing this up, and I think to watch it for myself, and I find - I find - right, so, the wizard is a fake. Let's address that first of all, shall we? They all go on this big quest to get to the wizard, and he's fake, but how did the people not realize that in the first place, that's what I want to know.

He doesn't even have a pointy hat.

[Rincewind waves a hand.]

It's all a bad message, is what it is! Making wizards look bad! And look, the whole thing about witches being green - I mean honestly, witches are scary enough on their own without all that. That's obviously added. And the flying monkeys -

[he shudders. Never mind, not addressing those. Those were terrifying.]

But I've certainly never heard anything about them melting with a bit of water. Even trained hydrophobes don't do that. Bloody ridiculous.

The whole thing is ridiculous, is what I'm really getting at. We're supposed to believe a scarecrow which can talk and walk about is brainless? Or what about it trying to get everyone to buy that the strange man with ribbons in his hair is "a lion"? And ignoring that whole bit about how this Dorothy person could have just clicked her heels the whole time, enchanted shoes aren't what they're cracked up to be in the first place, the University can tell you. Half of her would have probably been teleported back to Kansas faster than the other half, and that would have certainly been a bloody mess. Very gruesome.

Anyway, it was hideous and I don't understand why so many of you reference it in the first place.

[two thumbs down, says newly self-appointed movie critic Rincewind; only one and a half poorly-sequined stars.]

Comments

video;

[brushoff]

Wasn't only one of the witches green?

[ Dorian can't help but tease, giving Rincewind a sarcastic little grin. ]

video; 1/2

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind shakes a finger vigorously at the camera.]

That's another thing! Why is only one of them - !

[wizzardly]

[oh, hold on. It's Dorian. Dorian, who was part of using bloody human organs to terrorize Chilton. Rincewind's expression undergoes several uncomfortable hurdles and hoops before it and he settle into some subdued, disgruntled dismay, arms crossed.]

...Only one of them green. That didn't make sense either. ...Or the wings. They weren't even being consistent.

text

[jacksonian]

What is that?

[wizzardly]

What? What is what?

video

[glitterateur]

The witch might've been some kind of clone? Sometimes they're not waterproof!

video

[wizzardly]

Clones aren't waterproof? [watch as Rincewind is rocked by this information. Mark never mentioned that to him.]

How do you know what? - And what is it they're made of, that they aren't waterproof? I thought that was supposed to be the whole thing, them being made of the same stuff.

video

[jacksonian]

[ Ummmmmm??? Offense????? ]

Clones have biology just like whatever they were cloned from.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Political commentary. It's political commentary -- honestly, I thought you'd take to such a thing, given your involvement as a campaign manager. A successful one at that.

[wizzardly]

What, with the man behind the curtain not being what he says he is? Well that's obvious enough, but I don't know where the munchkins play into it. Or the trees throwing apples. They were right bastards. The talking trees I've met were much kinder.

- The talking trees I didn't meet, I mean. [corrected quickly.] Because trees don't talk, and I'm not crazy.

[anyway.]

And gods, I've been given far too much credit for all of that. [Rincewind looks positively queasy, holding his forehead.] I only put up some posters, I wasn't even paid or anything!

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[hooffaceturn]

It's...just a movie. You're not really supposed to take it seriously.

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[wizzardly]

And what sense does that make? Cobbling together such an elaborate thing with all that money and time and effort, and then claiming it doesn't mean something? As though that's supposed to make up for all the glaring problems with it.

[beneathbluerafters]

That's stupid, why would witches be green? If anything, they should be blue.

[wizzardly]

[okay, that gets a smirk.]

And have foul-tempered cats?

video

[huntergames]

The scarecrow is brainless? Do you mean dumb?

[ She has never seen this movie so this all sounds confusing without proper context. ]

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[wizzardly]

I suppose that's part of it, but he's also literally without a brain. Or that's the implication.

...There may be some ridiculousness at the end about him having it all along or something, I don't remember. I was a bit angry at that point.

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[monster_san]

[Fuu has to wait until she's done giggling before she switches her communicator on to respond, all politeness.]

Well, you see, the movie was made before filmmakers were really concerned about things like accuracy... it's the same when it comes to Arthur and his knights, even I can tell the costumes don't fit the century.

I expect if they were making it now, they would make sure to hire some magical consultants to advise on the shoes, but I think the fraudulent wizard is part of the moral.

video

[wizzardly]

What's that about this Arthur person and knights?

[and he's still going to huff even if all your points make sense, Fuu. He wouldn't be Rincewind otherwise.]

And, yes, well - it's going to give them a bad name. And he's not even punished for it in the end. Do you know in Ankh the punishment for impersonating a wizard is to be nailed upside down to one of the supports of the Brass Bridge for two high tides, and then be beheaded? This one gets off rather easily, I think.

[ Video ]

[dualismum]

Well, this world doesn't have native Wizards. To them, things like magic, sorcery and similar didn't really exist until the Porter brought imPorts here. Thus the movie is a fairy tale which, in other words, means it's fantasy and made up.

But, Wizard of Oz is an allegory for the political, economic and social events of America in the 1890s. The book is much better and has obvious differences from the movies made, like Dorothy's shoes shoes being silver and not ruby. [ OK he is... ranting. Sasaki loves books. ]

ANYWAY- in order to enjoy it you probably need this world's context.

[wizzardly]

- Hold on, there's a book?

[WHY DID EVERYONE LEAVE THAT OUT?]

[inmyothertights]

The witch is only green in the movie.

[wizzardly]

So they were trying to make her look even more terrible. Was someone having the ability to melt people with magical fire not scary enough for them? Because having seen it at work, I have to say it does the trick for me.

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[catchacold]

Why would anybody train to be a hydrophobe?

[Focusing on the important details here.]

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[wizzardly]

[...Oh, it's you. B|]

To have a weather wizard, essentially. Gives them the highly-sought after ability to repel water. Very valuable for sea voyages - they can keep pretty much anything afloat, and they send storms away. Incredibly difficult to train someone on dehydrated water, though, and the poor bastards all die young. They just can't live with themselves.

[yes, his world is just as ridiculous as it sounds, Snart.]

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[quaerit]

[ Oh no, the Wizard of Oz! This outrage is entirely unfair. ]

I think the point Glinda tried to make with the shoes was that they wouldn't have worked the whole time. Dorothy needed to believe in magic, and in herself, to make it work, and in the beginning she didn't.

Anyway, it tells you more about what people think of magic than magic itself. I loved that film growing up.

[wizzardly]

Which is even more sappy and terrible, really. What sort of message is that? Just believe and wish for something and you'll get it? Absolutely nothing bad will happen if you just hope hard enough? I've never heard of a life or a magic working like that. [such scoffing, all the pessimism.]

I'm more amazed so many of you are familiar with it. It's really that famous a movie where you're from?

text; anonymous

[nastygram]

ok i'm super not into taste-based internet debates


but the wizard of oz is a classic fucktard
it's shitty bc it's old

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind resists a very real urge to ask what "fucktard" means. Context clues tell him it's nothing flattering.]

Is it a classic because it's old as well? Seems an arbitrary sort of measurement. "Like this because it's old but also don't judge how terrible it is because, again, it's very old".

crashing in late with frothy nerdrage

[restingstitchface]

Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz is an outstanding classical work and a true example of imaginative satirical allegory. The thirties film adaptation is a sham; full of nothing but Hollywood embellishment.

[Don't get him started on this piece of trash.]

[wizzardly]

Right, look, no one told me there was a book. If I'd known perhaps that's where I would have started, but instead I started with grown men dressed as children singing about golden roads.

Clearly there's been some distance between the two mediums.

video;

[angelfire]

She wasn't really green, you know. I mean in the movie, sure, but-- [ He waves a hand. ] --fiction and reality are always at odds with each other.

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[wizzardly]

I've been corrected on that point. The water though, what sense does that make?

...And you called me Dorothy.

[Finally Getting The Joke, 10000 years later.]

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[textualhealing]

Oh my God, nerd. You clearly have some issues that need working out.

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[wizzardly]

[you have no idea, Jeff.]

I'm just saying, they go through all this work to get see the wizard, and then he's not even - he's not even a real wizard, and it's all pointless.

action;

[idesof]

[Some time after his initial post, Rincewind will find that his bathroom door is just ever so casually opening. Like someone on the other side of the bathroom is opening it.

Because someone is. Who you gonna call?

March steps through, dressed down (here meaning shirt, slacks, ascot, and suspenders), pulling the pipe from his mouth and first looking for Luggage. He doesn't want the chestbaby to get the wrong idea that someone dangerous is coming around. He sighs, his face less than impressed. Sort of put upon.]

You'll find that most films are hideous. A hideous waste of time and money that's done the world far more damage than good.

[He totally just ghost'd through Rincewind's bathroom to shittalk movies because man he cannot stand movies unless they're about his favorite murderers.]

action;

[wizzardly]

[JESUS CHRIST, MARCH.

The Luggage has already waddled its way over, lid popped open expectantly - the grandkid who knows grandpa's always got something in his pockets for a visit. By contrast, Rincewind is more the family cat you hear stories about but never actually see, because it's always hiding under a bed.

Which is only a metaphor, of course; he's not under the bed.

He's perched on the headboard in some complicated feat of long-limbed balance and an apparently sincere desire to meld into the wall as easily as March wandered through his bathroom.

Rincewind at least finds himself somewhat mollified to realize the ghost in his room is just March, and not someone here to kill him.]

Don't - don't do that! I might have - ['had a heart-attack' is the most truthful way to end that squeaky protest, but Rincewind feels the need to save face.] - I might have turned you into a frog or something! You can't very well run a hotel if you're eating flies all week!*

[*citation needed.]

action

[hypodermicgurl]

[There is sudden, loud banging on the wall from the room over]

Some of us are working.

[wizzardly]

[yes, and??? Rincewind stares at the wall he can hear the disturbance from with some confusion.]

...And an excellent job I'm sure you're doing of it! [yelled back with false cheer.] Keep up the good work! You're doing very well!

[aggressiveapathy]

You're watching things without me.

[wizzardly]

Oh, well, I... didnt know you'd be interested.

[Audio]

[cantwalkwithoutit]

[ Someone sounds especially sour. ]

It's not the most accurate telling, but it does appear to remain popular across many worlds.

[Audio]

[wizzardly]

Oh, are you another one come to tell me how much better the book is?