video; open to action for Hotel Castile residents

[wizzardly]

This - !

[is an angry wizard, actually, in a lovely little hotel room. A wizard who is only on his second glass of wine. But he seems to be referencing the movie he's waving angrily at his communicator.

It's "The Wizard of Oz".]

- This is terrible! An absolute mockery, is what it is! I've had so many people bringing this up, and I think to watch it for myself, and I find - I find - right, so, the wizard is a fake. Let's address that first of all, shall we? They all go on this big quest to get to the wizard, and he's fake, but how did the people not realize that in the first place, that's what I want to know.

He doesn't even have a pointy hat.

[Rincewind waves a hand.]

It's all a bad message, is what it is! Making wizards look bad! And look, the whole thing about witches being green - I mean honestly, witches are scary enough on their own without all that. That's obviously added. And the flying monkeys -

[he shudders. Never mind, not addressing those. Those were terrifying.]

But I've certainly never heard anything about them melting with a bit of water. Even trained hydrophobes don't do that. Bloody ridiculous.

The whole thing is ridiculous, is what I'm really getting at. We're supposed to believe a scarecrow which can talk and walk about is brainless? Or what about it trying to get everyone to buy that the strange man with ribbons in his hair is "a lion"? And ignoring that whole bit about how this Dorothy person could have just clicked her heels the whole time, enchanted shoes aren't what they're cracked up to be in the first place, the University can tell you. Half of her would have probably been teleported back to Kansas faster than the other half, and that would have certainly been a bloody mess. Very gruesome.

Anyway, it was hideous and I don't understand why so many of you reference it in the first place.

[two thumbs down, says newly self-appointed movie critic Rincewind; only one and a half poorly-sequined stars.]

Comments

[restingstitchface]

Room service?

You're vacationing in a hotel, then?

[Now that he thinks about it, the decor in this post seems familiar. He's clearly figuring out that 2 plus 2 equals 4, Rincewind.]

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind's Suspicious Senses are tingling.]

I'm - visiting. Visiting a hotel. Briefly. - With the Luggage.

[restingstitchface]

The Luggage. How lovely.

[Should he bring it some treats, too?]

Anyway. You're visiting the Castile, I take it? There's no other hotel for imPorts in these parts.

[wizzardly]

[wait, no, that was meant as a threat, Crane is doing this wrong.]

"Castile"? [his voice squeaks.] I've -never heard of it. I'm at, er, the -

[a darting glance at a bookcase.]

- Book...er. The Booker hotel. Very small, imPort friendly. I don't think it's listed.

[restingstitchface]

[You're a poor liar, Rincewind.

He leans toward the camera.]

Well, I'll book myself a room there, seeing as it comes highly recommended. The Castile is a fantastic place, I'm immensely satisfied with my current accomodation when away from home like I am today, but it does one good to change.

[Hi, boo. He's in the same hotel as you. Let's room buddy it up?]

[wizzardly]

[look, it's the Incredible Shrinking Wiz(z)ard! Watch as he attempts to fold in on himself and/or possibly hide under his hat.]

You're - at The Castile? What - what a coincidence. Both of us being at hotels. Imagine the odds.

[why are they never in his favor?]

[restingstitchface]

Yes. There's something fantastic about those odds, admittedly. Do you know, Rincewind, that my counterpart has been intrigued by your behavior? Though I am not the same man so it seems fate is on your side. Certainly, we won't be bumping into each other in these narrow halls.

[Not if you stay inside your room.]

[wizzardly]

[Fate has never once been on his side. Fate is the bully in the back of the classroom who likes to trip him up on the way to lunch and put glue on his seat.

Rincewind puts on a pained smile.]

Just another sign the poor man was off his rocker, really. There's nothing intriguing about me. But I wouldn't want to take any more time from your vacation, so I'll just leave you to enjoy yourself, shall I?

[restingstitchface]

[By contrast, Crane wears a warm smile. Nothing about this situation is painful.]

Of course. Though I would be an atrocious individual were I not to loan you a copy of Baum's original work.

[He'll just pop up at your door to deliver and collect, nbd.]

[wizzardly]

Oh, there's really no need. I actually work in a library, after all.

[it's going to be horribly embarrassing if Rincewind mistakes him for room service bringing that loaded baked potato he ordered.]

[restingstitchface]

Then I'll pop in at work. The library is a favored haunt of mine, so it's no trouble for me.

[wizzardly]

...Absolutely. Any time you're in town. I'll see you there.

[a problem to be dodged at a later date.

More pressingly, Rincewind's going to make the Luggage fetch things from now on anytime he needs something outside the room. This is one wizard who won't risk a hallway run-in, no siree.]