video; open to action for Hotel Castile residents

[wizzardly]

This - !

[is an angry wizard, actually, in a lovely little hotel room. A wizard who is only on his second glass of wine. But he seems to be referencing the movie he's waving angrily at his communicator.

It's "The Wizard of Oz".]

- This is terrible! An absolute mockery, is what it is! I've had so many people bringing this up, and I think to watch it for myself, and I find - I find - right, so, the wizard is a fake. Let's address that first of all, shall we? They all go on this big quest to get to the wizard, and he's fake, but how did the people not realize that in the first place, that's what I want to know.

He doesn't even have a pointy hat.

[Rincewind waves a hand.]

It's all a bad message, is what it is! Making wizards look bad! And look, the whole thing about witches being green - I mean honestly, witches are scary enough on their own without all that. That's obviously added. And the flying monkeys -

[he shudders. Never mind, not addressing those. Those were terrifying.]

But I've certainly never heard anything about them melting with a bit of water. Even trained hydrophobes don't do that. Bloody ridiculous.

The whole thing is ridiculous, is what I'm really getting at. We're supposed to believe a scarecrow which can talk and walk about is brainless? Or what about it trying to get everyone to buy that the strange man with ribbons in his hair is "a lion"? And ignoring that whole bit about how this Dorothy person could have just clicked her heels the whole time, enchanted shoes aren't what they're cracked up to be in the first place, the University can tell you. Half of her would have probably been teleported back to Kansas faster than the other half, and that would have certainly been a bloody mess. Very gruesome.

Anyway, it was hideous and I don't understand why so many of you reference it in the first place.

[two thumbs down, says newly self-appointed movie critic Rincewind; only one and a half poorly-sequined stars.]

Comments

[glitterateur]

No but one of my classmates in fifth grade was allergic to apples?

[jacksonian]

That's not even remotely the same thing.

My point is that humans are mostly water, so they can't just be allergic to water. The things made on the copier clearly just weren't clones.

[glitterateur]

I mean they looked like him, and they talked like him, and they overplanned like him and ate his favorite cheesy crackers.... And they're definitely their own people 'cause I know a couple of them went rogue and are living out on their own! So if clone isn't what they are then what are they, huh?

[jacksonian]

I don't know. But definitely not clones. Clones are their own people. They don't have the same personalities as their progenitors.

[ A pause. ]

Anyway, the ones that got wet - did they die?

[glitterateur]

But I said they were their own people! [Huff! She's not used to not being listened to or believed around these parts.] They just had a lot in common with Dipper.

[She gives a little nod.]

I think so? 'Cause they melted. So they died like the witch did in Wizard of Oz.

[jacksonian]

Was anything done for them afterwards?

[glitterateur]

Umm... not for a couple of them 'cause they were trying to take over Dipper's life so they melted during a big fight? But he poured out a Pitt Cola in honor of the cool one that didn't. And then like the very next day we got involved in this big conspiracy with secret presidents and stuff so there wasn't time to do anything after.

[jacksonian]

But...you would have? If you hadn't been involved with -

[ Whatever the hell all of that was about. ]

All that.

[glitterateur]

Yeah!

[She likes to think so, anyway. It would've been a quiet thing ("quiet," as quiet as a Mabel Pines production can be) to avoid weird questions from Stan, but it would've happened! Probably!]

I mean they went kinda mean there at the end but they were still, y'know, guys.

[jacksonian]

[ He gives a little grunt and a nod. Respect, Mabel Pines. ]

Plenty of mean people get good funerals. Just because these were copies doesn't mean they weren't entitled to them too.

[glitterateur]

Yeah.

[Pause. Now that's she's less huffed and defensive, the personal nature of the conversation starts to dawn on her.]

...so you're a clone?

[jacksonian]

[ Damn. So she'd been listening when he'd said we instead of they. And also when he'd generally been completely obvious. ]

Uh, yeah. It's...not very uncommon where I'm from. Sort of.

[glitterateur]

Sort of? How come?

[jacksonian]

Well, sort of because I don't actually know how often it's done. But I think it's a lot. It's most common on a different planet, though clones get treated differently there.

[glitterateur]

[Put those puzzle pieces together, Mabel. Make connections.]

Treated.... not great?

[jacksonian]

Uh, no. The opposite, actually. They're treated great there. Full rights as human beings.

[glitterateur]

So it's not like that anywhere else?

[jacksonian]

It varies from planet to planet. But in a lot of places...No. It's not quite like that. In a lot of places it's even not legal to make clones.

[glitterateur]

Ohhh. [This is a whole new world for her. She hasn't even gotten to a science class that talks about the ethics of genetic engineering and cloning. They won't even show Gattaca back in Piedmont for at least another year.]

...sorry I said clones can't drink soda.

[jacksonian]

[ He shakes his head, and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. ]

Thanks for...worrying about them. Trying to save their lives.

[glitterateur]

Hey, any time! Saving lives and also dimensions is what I do.

[jacksonian]

You do? But you're a kid.

[glitterateur]

Technically I'm a teenager.

[jacksonian]

Yeah, but, like...twelve, right?

[glitterateur]

Thirteen! Almost fourteen.